Author soulforge Posted June 26, 2023 Author Share Posted June 26, 2023 1 minute ago, Els said: LOL. And you don't see AT ALL how this is a parent-child dynamic? You swear up and down that it's "just a suggestion", but I think it's clear to everyone that it's not. Mate, look. You have a pattern in all of your previous relationships that you have repeated, and you don't see it. It may help to remind yourself of this last post of yours, where you also "booted your girlfriend out for being disrespectful", after your vodka binge also led to a huge argument: I've got no skin in this game. I'm happily married to my partner of 15 years, and when we have problems, we talk as equals. We talk about how we feel about things, not about things we "won't tolerate". And we don't have massive rage-filled arguments after drinking and then blame the drinking on arguments... You're repeating toxic relationships and behavioral patterns over and over, and you don't seem to see it. So, talk to a therapist about it, or don't. Like I said, it's not my problem. It's only.... wait for it... a suggestion. Are you literally smoking something lol Check this out.. Whenever I go to her house, guess what I have to do? I have to take my shoes off, every single time. Why? I don't really know, it's just something she expects from me and everyone that comes to her house. Shoes must come off. Do I argue about it? Hell no. I simply respect her wishes in her home and respect her boundaries. This might come as a shock to you, no matter what age a person is. If i spent an hour cooking a nice meal for you, the least you can do, is sit down and enjoy the meal and have a conversation with me WITHOUT talking to Trevor, Robert and Peter all at the same time. It's a totally INSANE expectation right! You are literally lost. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 14 minutes ago, soulforge said: And yes in my house I do have some rules and boundaries. You either accept them or you don't. I won't tolerate being ignored at the dinner table after I have cooked, so you can chat to a bunch of people in some chat group. That's not how boundaries work. It's not about changing your girlfriend's behavior or getting her to comply. It's about your needs and what you're willing to let in. You’re only in control of what you do. A helpful approach could have been to explain to your girlfriend what you need from her: that dinner is a time for connecting with each other, and that you would appreciate it if she could refrain from using her phone during that time. If she chose not to, then guess what, you resign yourself to living with it or talk through possible solutions that will take into consideration both of your needs. Alternatively, you'd be perfectly within your rights to take a break from the relationship if it was really important to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 3 minutes ago, soulforge said: Are you literally smoking something lol Check this out.. Whenever I go to her house, guess what I have to do? I have to take my shoes off, every single time. Why? I don't really know, it's just something she expects from me and everyone that comes to her house. Shoes must come off. Do I argue about it? Hell no. I simply respect her wishes in her home and respect her boundaries. This might come as a shock to you, no matter what age a person is. If i spent an hour cooking a nice meal for you, the least you can do, is sit down and enjoy the meal and have a conversation with me WITHOUT talking to Trevor, Robert and Peter all at the same time. It's a totally INSANE expectation right! You are literally lost. Good luck Amazing conflict resolution skills right there! I can't imagine why every single relationship of yours was filled with drama and arguments. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 She’s on social media - she is 25 years old - that’s the generation. Get used to it if you date gals 20 years younger! and what’s with expecting sex when you see her? You act like she is in the service industry! Start dating real women - who you make effort to pick up at their home and take them OUT on a date you plan! yes, she wasn’t great by arguing / but geez, she isn’t a paid call girl is she? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 11 hours ago, soulforge said: It's hard because there are brilliant times aswell as bad times. But overall when I try to envision a long term future with her, having a family, living together etc, the amount of strife and struggle it takes to make things work, I really can't see how this can work out. We can get through 8 months without things getting out of hand Because you need a compliant sex worker who lets you control everything. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 9 hours ago, soulforge said: We both also drink alcohol, however both of us have curbed how much we drink, and both decided keep drinking to a bare minimum on a Saturday and no other days. All you can do is improve your physical and mental health as much as possible with some healthy habits and lifestyle changes. The benefit is overall improved wellbeing and mood as well as an improved sex life. See if this helps: https://www.aa.org/self-assessment Link to post Share on other sites
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