KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela Posted June 25, 2023 Posted June 25, 2023 I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks. But....as we are both quite busy, we don't see each other super frequently. He messaged me last Saturday to ask for a date. However, I was on my way to a family vacation, so I had to decline. We texted almost every day during my vacation, at least a little. Usually he initiated, but I did a couple times as well. At some point, he asked when I would be back from vacation. Things were flirtatious. Very much so. So, I texted him when I got in last night. Told him I had made it home. His response was underwhelming. "Great!" That was it. He didn't ask about a meetup. (Not that I necessarily would have gone anyway) But, just considering the course of our conversations, specifically him mentioning getting together multiple times...I really expected him to say something along the lines of "When are you available this week?" or "Do you want to get dinner tomorrow?" I am trying to let it not get in my head. I am trying to keep myself busy with post-vacation wind down. But, I also know who I am. And, it's going to sit, bubbling up inside of me. And probably not today, probably not tomorrow...but in a week. Or two...something passive aggressive is going to come out of me. Support/advice would be much appreciated.
BrinnM Posted June 25, 2023 Posted June 25, 2023 (edited) 17 minutes ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: He didn't ask about a meetup. (Not that I necessarily would have gone anyway) Why does it bother you then, if you probably wouldn't have gone? He probably knew you just got back, and therefore – out of respect – didn't ask you out. The most likely reason is that he anticipated a negative answer, which you would have most likely given. So there's that. 17 minutes ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: something passive aggressive is going to come out of me. To what end? Did he do or say anything mean to you? I don't think so. Listen, you have known this guy for a few weeks only. How many times have you guys met in person? Many things can happen in the initial stages of "dating" (if you want to even call it that so early on). If you met online, he probably still has his profile up and is eager to make other connections. If you're constantly "too busy", like you say you are, the man will look elsewhere. Sure, he'll text you, if he has nothing else going on, and he can even be flirty in his texts, sure, but you're not there and he is doing his thing without you. Pretty normal stuff. Not sure what you're expecting. And texting means nothing. It's quick and painless, and people can easily do a million other things while they text – cooking, cleaning, working, peeing, sometimes driving, and yes – online dating. The next time you talk or text, make proper plans, if he's still available. If you're interested in the guy, make time. Meet up. See what happens next. Edited June 25, 2023 by BrinnM 2
Alpacalia Posted June 25, 2023 Posted June 25, 2023 It sounds like he is interested in you, based on your conversations, but he may simply be a bit busy himself right now. Perhaps he's been distracted with something, or maybe he's still getting used to the idea of dating you. It's possible that he was expecting you to make plans when you got back, not the other way around. Try not to put too much pressure on him or on yourself to have consistent communication. Don't take his lack of response as a sign that he isn't interested. Just give him a little space and you can always reach out to him with another message.
Wiseman2 Posted June 25, 2023 Posted June 25, 2023 1 hour ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: , I texted him when I got in last night. Told him I had made it home. His response was underwhelming. "Great!" He may be waiting for you to let him know when you're settled in, not busy and would like to get together. Can you text him and at least let him know? It's unclear why all you said was an underwhelming "I'm here", nothing else, no indication or enthusiasm to want to see him Something like "let's catch up over dinner, are you free later this week?" 3 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2023 Posted June 25, 2023 3 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: He messaged me last Saturday to ask for a date. However, I was on my way to a family vacation, so I had to decline. Did you suggest an alternate day when you would be available? 3 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: Told him I had made it home. His response was underwhelming. "Great!" That was it. He didn't ask about a meetup He is probaby waiting for a green light from you. Tell him you're free on XYZ-day and would still very much like to see him now that you are back. 3 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: .something passive aggressive is going to come out of me Why?
Ami1uwant Posted June 25, 2023 Posted June 25, 2023 It’s quite common for a relationship to lose mojo if one already had a break/ vacation/ work trip planned.
Versacehottie Posted June 26, 2023 Posted June 26, 2023 IMO: He: has a chip on his shoulder in some way/doesn't want to appear too eager You: expecting an immediate pounce on the date thing IMO, when you want things to move along, it can't be the only thing on your mind, such as expecting an immediate ask-out upon your arrival back to town...I mean, if you put yourself in his shoes that will make him feel almost like a little b*tch, like he has no backbone or life of his own (perhaps). Needless to say, he doesn't find it as urgent as you do...Could be because he has a chip on his shoulder about it, so wants to appear as if he's got a backbone/his own life too. I would use the rule of: stuff should be fun at the beginning...as well as all information is good information. So in context, it's like this. Any conversation/texting you have is to have fun/get closer--it's doesn't always have to have an objective, like "set a date". If you can have fun getting to know each other without a direct agenda, it's the best for the longevity and health of the relationship. Also whatever "info" he's giving you, is good info for you to know...If he's acting like he truly has a chip on his shoulder or reluctant to move it forward (eventually!) or easily distracted (other women/other priorities only bc you went away for a week)...this is all great info to know and you can stop investing in someone who isn't worth your time/heart. I don't think we know just what is happening yet. I'd let it go a beat and see what happens. He might be playing it cool as well as respectful of the fact that you just returned. And I will say the obvious--it can be nice that someone just checks in on how your trip was and how you are without an agenda of his own (from his point of view, that may convey just as much caring, which I would agree with!).
Alvi Posted June 26, 2023 Posted June 26, 2023 7 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: However, I was on my way to a family vacation, so I had to decline. Why didn't you tell him that you were planning a vacation and when you are going to come back? So, if he haven't asked you on a date. he wouldn't know that you are out of town? I know, it's only been a few weeks and you don't owe him that much but why would you not tell him that you were planning a family trip? Can't speak for him, obviously. but for me, it would be a big turn off is a guy "forgets" to mention a trip that he is taking. Have you guys agreed to be exclusive? It is quite possible that he is still in a dating pool if the two of you have not agreed to date each other exclusively. He may contact you in a few days to set up a date. But you can also ask him if he is interested in doing some sort of activity with you. 1
basil67 Posted June 26, 2023 Posted June 26, 2023 Indeed. I think that letting anyone you're seeing (even casually) know that you're going away is basic courtesy. It doesn't have to be said in a formal sense, but something like when you you're talking, just let him know you're going on a family vacation and will be back on X date
JTSW Posted June 26, 2023 Posted June 26, 2023 18 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: it's going to sit, bubbling up inside of me. And probably not today, probably not tomorrow...but in a week. Or two...something passive aggressive is going to come out of me. Why? He hasn't really done anything wrong. Your reaction is rather extreme so you might want to look into why you would get so passive aggressive over nothing. 2
Gaeta Posted June 26, 2023 Posted June 26, 2023 On 6/25/2023 at 12:31 PM, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: But, just considering the course of our conversations, specifically him mentioning getting together multiple times...I Then it's time you pick up the ball and let him know when you are free and show some interest by initiating contact. A man needs a green light once in a while. 1
OurLoveTurnsToRust Posted June 26, 2023 Posted June 26, 2023 He put you in the perfect spot, your "passive aggressiveness" will lead to great sex, enjoy!
ShyViolet Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 You are way overthinking this and getting all bent out of shape over nothing. He hasn't done anything wrong. You barely know this guy and have only been seeing him a few weeks. He just might be thinking the same exact thing that you are thinking, not sure if you're still interested and waiting for a sign that you are. Why don't you cut out the over-analyzing and just ask him to hang out. Then you'll have your answer. 2
Author KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela Posted June 27, 2023 Author Posted June 27, 2023 On 6/26/2023 at 12:38 PM, Gaeta said: Then it's time you pick up the ball and let him know when you are free and show some interest by initiating contact. A man needs a green light once in a while. I gave him the green light last night. No response. 22 hours ago, OurLoveTurnsToRust said: He put you in the perfect spot, your "passive aggressiveness" will lead to great sex, enjoy! Ha. Well, if he had asked me to do something, there would be great sex. But...it doesn't sound like the way things are going.
Author KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela Posted June 27, 2023 Author Posted June 27, 2023 15 hours ago, ShyViolet said: You are way overthinking this and getting all bent out of shape over nothing. He hasn't done anything wrong. You barely know this guy and have only been seeing him a few weeks. He just might be thinking the same exact thing that you are thinking, not sure if you're still interested and waiting for a sign that you are. Why don't you cut out the over-analyzing and just ask him to hang out. Then you'll have your answer. I did. No answer. So yes, I guess I have my answer.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 1 hour ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: I gave him the green light last night. No response. What did you say?
Wiseman2 Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 On 6/25/2023 at 12:31 PM, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: , I texted him when I got in last night. Told him I had made it home. Was this your "green light"? If so, it's no wonder he didn't bother further. Your lack of enthusiasm unfortunately may have contributed to this fizzling out. Try to discontinue playing coy or hard to get this much. It seems to be backfiring.
NuevoYorko Posted June 27, 2023 Posted June 27, 2023 Seems like neither one of you are very "into" the other. Time to cut bait. Next time you meet a guy you're' interested in, make sure he knows it. I don't mean jump into bed with him or blow up his phone. NO. 1
Author KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela Posted June 28, 2023 Author Posted June 28, 2023 Update: Just figured I would give everyone the rundown. He sent me a video Sunday evening. It was some silly Instagram video. I gently teased him about how weird his Instagram feed is. I added a "rofl" so he would know I was just ribbing him. He never responded. So, a little bit later, I sent him a funny meme that I thought he would appreciate. No response. Then, last night, I reached out to ask him if he was doing okay. He replied, "Yeah." So, I decided to go with the green light, as was mentioned here....and I told him if he wanted to hang out, to let me know. It's been crickets ever since. I think someone else may have mentioned this, but seems like his texting while I was out of town was all talk.
Alpacalia Posted June 28, 2023 Posted June 28, 2023 Perhaps, if you had proposed a precise date and time to go out and made it clear that you were looking forward to being together again and that you wanted it to be a priority, he may have reacted more excitedly. "I told him if he wanted to hang out, to let me know." isn't really indictive of your enthusiasm or commitment for making the hangout happen, so it's possible that he was waiting to see how serious you were about it and he didn't really feel excitement or anticipation from you for reconnecting.
Wiseman2 Posted June 28, 2023 Posted June 28, 2023 17 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said: It's been crickets ever since. Unfortunately seems like you two lost momentum while you were away, despite chatting. Keep in mind it was early on and you're both still talking to and meeting others. So it's possible he just moved on without explicitly saying so.
Author KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela Posted June 29, 2023 Author Posted June 29, 2023 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately seems like you two lost momentum while you were away, despite chatting. Keep in mind it was early on and you're both still talking to and meeting others. So it's possible he just moved on without explicitly saying so. Yup, that's the way I am taking it too.
justwhoiam Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 Stop reacting to any message he sends you. That's the clearest message you can send. I wouldn't want to be there for this guy when it suits him and/or no one else is around. His behavior is not saying "I'm interested in you", it's just saying "I'm barely keeping you in the loop". Pass. P.S. your past behavior was probably not the best as others pointed out, but if a guy can't make a few efforts in the very beginning nor take real action, that'd be a lack of necessary drive.
glows Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 I’d just leave this for awhile. A lot of nothing going on and don’t waste your time and energy wondering about him. In your first couple of sentences you said you’re both “quite busy”. For all you know he may be on his way out of a job/getting fired or has something else reaching boiling point he’s too embarrassed to talk about. Consider that you don’t know this person very well at a few weeks. Don’t overinvest. The time for texting and spending time wondering what he’s thinking is over. See if there are other matches. Make plans with friends.
smackie9 Posted June 29, 2023 Posted June 29, 2023 You two were not exclusive right? So it's possible he's dating other people or found opportunity/ kept his options open. Sucks but that's dating.
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