Fwb relationship ended

[Sony12]

23 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

thanks you a lot that was really nice msg. I wont reach out again to her. I know reaching out is a turn off to her for sure

That's good. And you really do need to get better at handling rejection (especially if you are going to continue to be around ladies such as the one you have been talking about). They may cut a hot 25 year old a break if he acted that way but not a man in his 40's. Women want charisma from men who are that old. 

Edited July 2, 2023 by Sony12

[Ric123]

6 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

That's good. And you really do need to get better at handling rejection (especially if you are going to continue to be around ladies such as the one you have been talking about). They may cut a hot 25 year old a break if he acted that way but not a man in his 40's. Women want charisma from men who are that old. 

I was discussing this with my father the other day and he told me from the moment she said she wouldn't want to hang out outside I should have said goodbye and call me when you want to. He said the conditions she has set from the beginning no sleep overs and no hanging out outside, the chances this would be anything were nearly zero and I should have been prepared always for the worst.

[Sony12]

9 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

I was discussing this with my father the other day and he told me from the moment she said she wouldn't want to hang out outside I should have said goodbye and call me when you want to. He said the conditions she has set from the beginning no sleep overs and no hanging out outside, the chances this would be anything were nearly zero and I should have been prepared always for the worst.

That's cool that you have a dad that you feel you can talk about this stuff with. And he's absolutely right. The vast majority of the time if a woman is really that interested in you she will go along with decisions you make. The fact she was being as demanding as she was and putting forth a laundry list of rules from the very beginning should have told you all you needed to know about her. 

Do you know what kind of job she had. Did she have a successful career going for herself?

[Sony12]

Well you aren't in love with her. You are infatuated with her. There is a difference. You simply have a crush. Probably because she made herself unavailable to you.

And regarding this group of friends it's perfectly fine to continue to be friends with them but you might want to find other avenues to date and just hang out with this group strictly as friends. If there is a bunch of sleeping around amongst the group that's what you are going to get if you try to date through them.

Edited July 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote

[Ric123]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well you aren't in love with her. You are infatuated with her. There is a difference. You simply have a crush. Probably because she made herself unavailable to you.

And regarding this group of friends it's perfectly fine to continue to be friends with them but you might want to find other avenues to date and just hang out with this group strictly as friends. If there is a bunch of sleeping around amongst the group that's what you are going to get if you try to date through them.

well its over man, just need to take some lessons for the future, in this case more careful over pursing, phone is my enemy too many texts. I deleted her texts I think it said 7000 messages between us in 3 months. Im pretty sure I turned her off with messages, because face to face everything was good.

take some lessons and stay in no contact to move on and if im lucky like 10% chances she reaches out someday when she is drunk somewhere lol

 

[Sony12]

Yeah generally speaking lots of texts and phone conversations is meant for relationships. In casual dating scenarios phone convos and texts are meant to make plans and the majority of your communication can be in person.

I had a lady about a year ago that just drove me up the wall with how much she texted me. We had gotten together a few times and were planning to get together again the upcoming weekend. We had already made all the necessary plans for the next get together and then fifteen minutes later she bloody texted me again. I basically said I decided I'm not coming over after all and that's how the deal pretty much ended, lol.

Edited July 2, 2023 by Sony12

[Ric123]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah generally speaking lots of texts and phone conversations is meant for relationships. I'm casual dating scenarios phone convos and texts are meant to make plans and the majority of your communication can be in person.

I had a lady about a year ago that just drove me up the wall with how much she texted me. We had gotten together a few times and were planning to get together again the upcoming weekend. We had already made all the necessary plans for the next get together and then fifteen minutes later she bloody texted me again. I basically said I decided I'm not coming over after all and that's how the deal pretty much ended, lol.

yes man, im 10000% sure the issue here was the messages, I got over excited with her and killed all attraction. having said that im sure she never had plans to be too serious with me thus the fact the never wanted to hang out outside. She is best friends with a girl I know and she told her that out relationship didn't make sense to continue, hinting it was casual and was never going anywhere I think thats what it meant. 

But Botton of line man, maybe the messages pushed her away but the real reason she left was what she said, she didn't have feelings for me and she couldn't keep this fwb forever knowing it would never go anywhere,

Edited July 2, 2023 by Ric123

[ExpatInItaly]

[ ] 

You knew what you were getting into and it was no problem until she decided she didn't want to be with you. To turn around and drag her is not only hypocritical and offensive, but also incredibly immature. 

[ ] 

Edited July 3, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to removed content

[MsJayne]

[ ] Only my personal observation, but it very often appears that there is no real benefit to friends with benefits because it's a flawed system which requires both parties to be devoid of emotion and to have the ability to treat other human beings like a masturbation aid.Each to their own, but I'm of the opinion that it's a vile way to treat another person no matter how much you try to pretty it up to hide the blatantly anti-social aspect of keeping another person around just so you can have sex with them. Next step is locking them in the cellar so you don't have to invite them over for pizza and Netflix first.  It should be called friends with deficits.

[ ]

Edited July 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
gendered insult/removed response to hidden content

[Alpacalia]

If you knew her relationship history (i.e. 100s of men) what made you think you'd be the golden egg?

If a man informed me he'd been with 100s of women and only short term relationships I'd be running in the opposite direction.

 

[JTSW]

22 hours ago, Ric123 said:

She is 35 and told me she has slept with over 100 men

Get tested.

That is an excessive amount of sexual partners.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Let her go.  I am thinking she is the ONE who had feelings and was scared it could lead to more.  I would not trust her feelings anymore.  Move on from her.

[glows]

18 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah generally speaking lots of texts and phone conversations is meant for relationships. In casual dating scenarios phone convos and texts are meant to make plans and the majority of your communication can be in person.

I had a lady about a year ago that just drove me up the wall with how much she texted me. We had gotten together a few times and were planning to get together again the upcoming weekend. We had already made all the necessary plans for the next get together and then fifteen minutes later she bloody texted me again. I basically said I decided I'm not coming over after all and that's how the deal pretty much ended, lol.

Come on, OP. I truly hope this was meant in jest. Don’t set your bar so low. Screen for available partners and take the hint when someone isn’t interested in more such as an LTR. Don’t let this discourage you. You do have to get a grip here and move on for good. 

End this for yourself and keeping this door open for dribs and drabs and being treated like a sex buddy. 

A new potential girlfriend will not be impressed if you’re entertaining other women from the past or allowing them to come back in your life. Out with the old and in with the new. Start fresh.

[Ric123]

4 minutes ago, OurLoveTurnsToRust said:

You caught feelings for a sl*% and tipped the scale when you contacted her too much, end of story.  Move on and don't make the same mistake next time.  Women need to miss men and the best dynamic is when they chase you.  If she doesn't chase and you are doing all the initiating, she will lose attraction towards you.

I agree 100% with this I must say, I killed attraction. She would initiate texts but not as often as me. Having said that the conditions she set from the beginning like no hanging out outside and no sleepovers, the chances this would be a successful relationship or even fwb were skim to none. How are yous suppose to bond if you dont go outdoors?

[Ric123]

1 hour ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said:

Let her go.  I am thinking she is the ONE who had feelings and was scared it could lead to more.  I would not trust her feelings anymore.  Move on from her.

I dont think this is the case but if it is she will come around

[Ric123]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

Come on, OP. I truly hope this was meant in jest. Don’t set your bar so low. Screen for available partners and take the hint when someone isn’t interested in more such as an LTR. Don’t let this discourage you. You do have to get a grip here and move on for good. 

End this for yourself and keeping this door open for dribs and drabs and being treated like a sex buddy. 

A new potential girlfriend will not be impressed if you’re entertaining other women from the past or allowing them to come back in your life. Out with the old and in with the new. Start fresh.

The guilt that I over pursued her with texts drives me crazy, had I been more aloof and played it cool at least I would have her as fwb, now not fwb neither girlfriend.

[glows]

3 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

The guilt that I over pursued her with texts drives me crazy, had I been more aloof and played it cool at least I would have her as fwb, now not fwb neither girlfriend.

Do you mean settle for sex buddy when you are really looking for a girlfriend? 

From the way she spoke to you and treated you it doesn’t sound like she had much respect for you - not enough to date or be out in public with you.  

[BaileyB]

20 hours ago, Ric123 said:

My last mshg to her last Thursday, today is 3 weeks after the break up

hi, just wanna wish you happy birthday and a good day. I want to apologize for those silly msgs I sent you last week. You caught me by surprise when you ended things and took me a week to finally accept it. No hard feelings. This is me trying to leave things in good terms with you, I had a lot of fun. Have a nice day! And then she replied. Thanks, no hard feelings. And I replied 😊

And that’s how you leave it. 

[BaileyB]

35 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

The guilt that I over pursued her with texts drives me crazy, had I been more aloof and played it cool at least I would have her as fwb, now not fwb neither girlfriend.

She always told you that this relationship had an expiration date - as every relationship has an expiration date for her. 

It’s not about you, or what you did/didn’t do. She laid out the terms early on and you didn’t really listen. 

Is this about ego? Is your ego bruised because she walked away? Or, do you typically go for unavailable women? What is the draw here because most men would have seen her coming and enjoyed the sex without any expectations… 

And yes, if she has slept with 100 men - you need to get to a doctor to get yourself tested ASAP. 

 

Edited July 3, 2023 by BaileyB

[Ric123]

26 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

She always told you that this relationship had an expiration date - as every relationship has an expiration date for her. 

It’s not about you, or what you did/didn’t do. She laid out the terms early on and you didn’t really listen. 

Is this about ego? Is your ego bruised because she walked away? Or, do you typically go for unavailable women? What is the draw here because most men would have seen her coming and enjoyed the sex without any expectations… 

And yes, if she has slept with 100 men - you need to get to a doctor to get yourself tested ASAP. 

 

Of course I would be happy with just sex, but the problem is things went in a different direction and is no ones fault. We met always twice a week for 3 months and that is not a fwb routine. we had a dating routine, she cooked for me twice a week, sex, 6 hours on her couch Netflix cuddling etc. I think she liked me and all but it became too much for her and she got smothered. she then pulled back and I chased more and that was the beginning of the end. I guess looking back fwb would be more 2 to 4 times a month. She then started saying the didn't have feelings for me and she couldn't keep this sex thing with me forever if I was not the guy for her future.

[Sony12]

There is no set amount of time FWB can get-together before they become more than FWB's. Rather you have sex once a week, once a month, or every other day you aren't more than FWB's until both people mutually decide they want to be more than FWB'S.

Friends have dinner together, talk, and all in all just enjoy each other's company. Nothing you two did made you more than FWB'S. You only would have been more than FWB'S if you had agreed in the beginning that you were actually dating.

[Ric123]

7 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

There is no set amount of time FWB can get-together before they become more than FWB's. Rather you have sex once a week, once a month, or every other day you aren't more than FWB's until both people mutually decide they want to be more than FWB'S.

Friends have dinner together, talk, and all in all just enjoy each other's company. Nothing you two did made you more than FWB'S. You only would have been more than FWB'S if you had agreed in the beginning that you were actually dating.

she said million times she liked the sex, thats why we met so any times. but something happened that she lost all attraction. probably a combination of me pursuing , her not sure about her feelings even what she wanted out of this, me creating drama at some point, maybe she even met someone else. my guess is she got smothered. Too much sex, meet ups, cooking and then she realised why im doing all of this for a guy I have no feelings for?

Edited July 3, 2023 by Ric123

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

she said million times she liked the sex, thats why we met so any times. but something happened that she lost all attraction. probably a combination of me pursuing , her not sure about her feelings even what she wanted out of this, me creating drama at some point, maybe she even met someone else. my guess is she got smothered. Too much sex, meet ups, cooking and then she realised why im doing all of this for a guy I have no feelings for?

 

I'm sure she enjoyed the company while it was going on. I imagine she's probably a bit lonely but at the same time doesn't want to settle down.

Does she really have all that many friends/is she close to her family?

[Ric123]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

 

I'm sure she enjoyed the company while it was going on. I imagine she's probably a bit lonely but at the same time doesn't want to settle down.

Does she really have all that many friends/is she close to her family?

She has a lot of friends and spends a lot of time with her family too. I became a nuisance. 

[glows]

47 minutes ago, Ric123 said:

she said million times she liked the sex, thats why we met so any times. but something happened that she lost all attraction. probably a combination of me pursuing , her not sure about her feelings even what she wanted out of this, me creating drama at some point, maybe she even met someone else. my guess is she got smothered. Too much sex, meet ups, cooking and then she realised why im doing all of this for a guy I have no feelings for?

What drama here did you cause? Yes, it certainly does sound like you made yourself a nuisance. This worked until it didn’t work anymore. 

The bottomline is she doesn’t see you as dating or boyfriend material. Stop holding out for her and move on with your life. Block her and delete from any social media.

It’s doubtful she ever saw anything in you. She treated you like an fwb from beginning to the end and yes fwbs do meet multiple times a week until they meet someone else or get sick of each other which it seems she got of you. Sadly there was nothing to indicate she had any interest beyond fwb.

Edited July 3, 2023 by glows