When friends ask for 'favors' getting them a job? Not a good idea?

[Chloeflowers]

I recently reconnected with a friend from a previous job-immediately off the bat she asked me where I was working, how much they are paying, etc, etc. She is still employed where we both worked at, however, she told me she is out on fmla -is recovering from foot surgery and due to the job which requires being on her feet/walkng all day-if she can't transfer to another department she will quit and find another job that's where she wants me to get a job where I'm currently at. I'm pretty sure there has been internal jobs where she's at and wondered if maybe she even applied or they didn't want to hire her at another department. Surely, they will work with her due to her recent surgery -she's only been there 1 year-let her work at another department. 

She has lots of friends and her husband could probably recommend a job, why of all people would she ask me? I personally don't want to pull her a favor getting her a job-and I don't want her to work with me-who knows what might happen like sabotaging my job. And the fact that she wanted desperately to know where I'm working at now-sounds strange. I found my job on my own-never asked for favors to get one-plus she has plenty of connections that could help her out. 

Is she envious that I'm working somewhere else now?

Edited July 4, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[BrinnM]

59 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I recently reconnected with a friend from a previous job-immediately off the bat she asked me where I was working, how much they are paying, etc, etc. 

She has lots of friends and her husband could probably recommend a job, why of all people would she ask me? I personally don't want to pull her a favor getting her a job-and I don't want her to work with me-who knows what might happen like sabotaging my job. And the fact that she wanted desperately to know where I'm working at now-sounds strange. I found my job on my own-never asked for favors to get one-plus she has plenty of connections that could help her out. 

Is she envious that I'm working somewhere else now?

Why would she be envious? Also – why do you call her a friend, while at the same time talking about her like she's the Anti-Christ?
Sabotaging your job? Seriously? What field are you working in, and why would you assume the worst about her?

Generally: If people look for a job change, most will draw on all possible resources they have available, so they'll contact anyone they know who might be able to give them some info, or who might know someone who knows someone, etc. etc.
Contacting former coworkers for that purpose is perfectly normal, nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing wrong with that.
I don't understand why you would think her goal is to ruin your life and sabotage you. Weird. 

Also weird: Why do you think she should do an internal transfer? Maybe she doesn't get along with HR, or with other coworkers in those other departments, or the pay would be low, or the hours would be awful; there are 1 million potential explanations. Why are you questioning her motives?

I don't know – everything about this scenario is completely normal in my opinion. Former coworker (whom you call a friend, mind you) reaches out, is looking for a job change, asks you for some info. She probably does that with many other people right now as well. 🤷‍♀️

[Chloeflowers]

21 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

Why would she be envious? Also – why do you call her a friend, while at the same time talking about her like she's the Anti-Christ?
Sabotaging your job? Seriously? What field are you working in, and why would you assume the worst about her?

Generally: If people look for a job change, most will draw on all possible resources they have available, so they'll contact anyone they know who might be able to give them some info, or who might know someone who knows someone, etc. etc.
Contacting former coworkers for that purpose is perfectly normal, nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing wrong with that.
I don't understand why you would think her goal is to ruin your life and sabotage you. Weird. 

Also weird: Why do you think she should do an internal transfer? Maybe she doesn't get along with HR, or with other coworkers in those other departments, or the pay would be low, or the hours would be awful; there are 1 million potential explanations. Why are you questioning her motives?

I don't know – everything about this scenario is completely normal in my opinion. Former coworker (whom you call a friend, mind you) reaches out, is looking for a job change, asks you for some info. She probably does that with many other people right now as well. 🤷‍♀️

I reached out to her, as far as sabotaging goes, even if I think of her as a "friend" I say friend loosely things happen in life that change, I mean read all the posts on here about friends stabbing each other in the back, or excluding somebody, no longer inviting them out, friends do come and go. She told me when we were working together that after 6 months she wanted to transfer to another department. And that she loved working there-she loves the environment, people are nice and its non toxic. 

Also, if I did this favor to HER she should at least do ME a favor, so it works both ways. 

Edited July 4, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[Wiseman2]

It's not unusual to network as far as Jobs. In fact sites such as LinkedIn exist for this purpose.

However telling someone about a position you heard of is different than recommending or endorsing them. It's ok to mention casually, "I heard they're hiring at..." But be careful about personal recommendations because that could backfire unless you are quite sure about everyone involved. 

[BrinnM]

7 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I reached out to her, as far as sabotaging goes, even if I think of her as a "friend" I say friend loosely things happen in life that change, I mean read all the posts on here about friends stabbing each other in the back, or excluding somebody, no longer inviting them out, friends do come and go. She told me when we were working together that after 6 months she wanted to transfer to another department. And that she loved working there-she loves the environment, people are nice and its non toxic. 

Also, if I did this favor to HER she should at least do ME a favor, so it works both ways. 

Sure, things happen between people, but to assume that somebody wants to harm you when they have done nothing at all to harm you in the past, is simply paranoid. Or that they are envious or jealous about your new job. Paranoid.

And just because she said back then that she loved it there, doesn't mean she's loving it now. She obviously isn't, because – you said it yourself – things and people change. Things happen. Great jobs or employers turn out to be crappy jobs/employers. Everything is in flux. Always.

I am sure she'll do you a favor if you need one. Why wouldn't she?  

[Chloeflowers]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not unusual to network as far as Jobs. In fact sites such as LinkedIn exist for this purpose.

However telling someone about a position you heard of is different than recommending or endorsing them. It's ok to mention casually, "I heard they're hiring at..." But be careful about personal recommendations because that could backfire unless you are quite sure about everyone involved. 

Yeah, I'll tell her there are plenty of places that are hiring instead and I'll even tell her about places I use to be employed-but I think you are right about "endorsing" her-I'll steer her in right direction, I'll pull up linkedin and show her job postings-I mean I could "help" her that way instead of me endorsing her.  She shouldn't get pissed at me just because I'm not going to personally talk to my boss and tell him to hire her. 

Edited July 4, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[basil67]

7 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Yeah, I'll tell her there are plenty of places that are hiring instead and I'll even tell her about places I use to be employed-but I think you are right about "endorsing" her-I'll steer her in right direction, I'll pull up linkedin and show her job postings-I mean I could "help" her that way instead of me endorsing her.  She shouldn't get pissed at me just because I'm not going to personally talk to my boss and tell him to hire her. 

You've got nothing bad to say about her, so I'm assuming she was a good worker, reliable and didn't cause problems, if there is a vacancy at your work, why wouldn't you recommend she submits an application and then endorse her?   Note that I said endorse, not 'tell your boss to hire her'

Networking is very useful.  If a company has a position vacant and someone knows a good candidate, it's not at all unusual for a former coworker to suggest they apply.  

That you see a whole lot of drama about changing friendships or bad coworkers on LS is a combination of 1) people don't come here to talk about friends/coworkers who don't cause problems and 2) some people will see the negative in anything.  Essentially, if you're looking for bad stuff, you're guaranteed to find it on a board where people come with problems.

Edited July 5, 2023 by basil67

[NuevoYorko]

9 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I reached out to her, as far as sabotaging goes, even if I think of her as a "friend" I say friend loosely things happen in life that change, I mean read all the posts on here about friends stabbing each other in the back, or excluding somebody, no longer inviting them out, friends do come and go. 

People post about their problems here.  Most of us have friends that we love and trust.  

9 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Also, if I did this favor to HER she should at least do ME a favor, so it works both ways. 

Well, that's an unfortunate attitude.  'Pay it forward' or "what goes around comes around' are better mantras for someone like you with a strictly "give to get" attitude.   Doing good things for other people is generally a good idea.

[JTSW]

I think you way overthought this.

She is just keeping her options open, nothing more.

No malicious intent IMO.

[Chloeflowers]

8 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

People post about their problems here.  Most of us have friends that we love and trust.  

Well, that's an unfortunate attitude.  'Pay it forward' or "what goes around comes around' are better mantras for someone like you with a strictly "give to get" attitude.   Doing good things for other people is generally a good idea.

To a certain extent, but surely you don't let so called people just use you and when you NEED their help they play dumb. Thats how you like to be treated? 

[JTSW]

OP, you seem to have a problem with every person that crosses your path.

You think there are hidden agendas, malicious intents behind anything they say/ask.

You have a paranoia that is making you see things that are not there.

[BrinnM]

53 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

To a certain extent, but surely you don't let so called people just use you and when you NEED their help they play dumb. Thats how you like to be treated? 

Why would you assume that about her? You reached out to her first, that’s how I read it, and during the conversation she asked you a question about work and whether your workplace is hiring. Big deal. 
I don’t get the impression that anybody’s taking advantage of you under this scenario. I think you’re a little paranoid.

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, Chloeflowers said:

To a certain extent, but surely you don't let so called people just use you and when you NEED their help they play dumb. Thats how you like to be treated? 

It would never occur to me that someone asking if I could help them out because I was in a position to do so was treating me badly.  

Serious question:  Do you have any friends?

[Lotsgoingon]

Friends ask friends and former colleagues and acquaintances and cousins and mailmen and everyone ... for help getting jobs.

There is nothing untoward about this. In fact, job help is pretty direct and non manipulative. We all know (some from first hand experience) how hard and scary it is to be without a job or to be soon without a job. So yes, we turn to friends for help, for tips, for strategies, for rumors of places that are hiring and on and on.

A while ago, I had an opening at my job and a woman I had seen twice in 25 years emailed me. I liked her when I knew her--and she was asking for tips on applying for the job. I gave her the info I knew. I didn't feel used at all. And I've done that before. Usually passing on relevant job info has required about 10 minutes. I might need to make a call to folks at my job overseeing hiring.  And I only do this if I think the friend is right for the job. 

 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

To a certain extent, but surely you don't let so called people just use you and when you NEED their help they play dumb. Thats how you like to be treated? 

@NuevoYorko is right.   Good and kind people don't go around counting favours in this tit-for-tat way.   And in the grand scheme of things, asking if there are any vacancies and if you'd put in a good word for them is quite a small favour.  

Have you already done multiple favours for this person and they haven't reciprocated?

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Perhaps she enjoys working with you as a friend.  I would let her mdown easy and tell her you would rather not get involved.  Period.  See if this is now a friend or a 😑farewell One, hun.

[Chloeflowers]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

@NuevoYorko is right.   Good and kind people don't go around counting favours in this tit-for-tat way.   And in the grand scheme of things, asking if there are any vacancies and if you'd put in a good word for them is quite a small favour.  

Have you already done multiple favours for this person and they haven't reciprocated?

Like I said I don’t mind helping out and suggesting places where she could apply , I know alot of companies that are hiring so I could tell her where she could apply at. Its moreso her asking me to just get her a job where I’m at. And I honestly I don’t want her to work at my company. I’m not obligated to follow her orders.
 

Edited July 6, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[JTSW]

14 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

And I honestly I don’t want her to work at my company. I’m not obligated to follow her orders.

Then all you have to do is tell her that you asked but there are no job vacancies there at the moment.

[glows]

2 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

And I honestly I don’t want her to work at my company.
 

That’s a valid answer and I’m sure you have your reasons. Be tactful and professional as she’s still a cohort or contemporary. I’m assuming you’re both in similar industries or fields. 

She seems very vocal about her disappointment with her current employer. I’d steer clear at this point and just remain professional but maintain your boundaries. Of course you don’t owe her anything. I’ve worked in a number of companies and have never once relied on a referral. I do think it’s fairly common to gripe with an ex colleague about an unhappy working environment so try not to fall into that trap. Stay focused on your own job and career.

[Chloeflowers]

2 hours ago, glows said:

That’s a valid answer and I’m sure you have your reasons. Be tactful and professional as she’s still a cohort or contemporary. I’m assuming you’re both in similar industries or fields. 

She seems very vocal about her disappointment with her current employer. I’d steer clear at this point and just remain professional but maintain your boundaries. Of course you don’t owe her anything. I’ve worked in a number of companies and have never once relied on a referral. I do think it’s fairly common to gripe with an ex colleague about an unhappy working environment so try not to fall into that trap. Stay focused on your own job and career.

I believe she likes her job but due to her foot injury/surgery she won’t be able to do her current job due to all the walking thats required to do-but she will see, so because of that she wants a job in office where she is sitting all day. I dont know the internal postings, but she has a lot of friends/connections there at her current job that could possibly help her out. I was surprised she wanted to know badly where I was working at. 

Edited July 6, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[Acacia98]

OP, I'm not sure what "get her a job" means in your context. Do you have that much influence over hiring decisions? Do you work in a context where connections make all the difference? Whatever the case, a friend or relative shouldn't take it for granted that you'll play that role. They can ask. And you can decline.

I wouldn't go out of my way to recommend or endorse somebody for a job at my place of work unless I knew the person was an excellent worker and I really wanted to endorse them. And that includes my friends and relatives. 

What I would do: share information with them about open positions in different places, share tips for applying for jobs. It would be up to them to apply and earn the job (or not) on their own merit. You're under no obligation whatsoever, OP. So just help in the way you deem fit, and if she asks for more help, decline politely. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

. Its moreso her asking me to just get her a job where I’m at. 

This is fine. Never recommend someone to your own workplace, HR, unless you have absolute confidence in the situation. Even then, if there's friction or whatever you don't want to be the middle man in this.  She doesn't need your endorsement or permission to apply to the place you work for, so if she wants a job there, let her do it on her own merit .

[Chloeflowers]

She specifically told me to “recommend” her and will let me know if she will leave her current place. I’ll tell her that they are not hiring in my dept

[Chloeflowers]

7 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

OP, I'm not sure what "get her a job" means in your context. Do you have that much influence over hiring decisions? Do you work in a context where connections make all the difference? Whatever the case, a friend or relative shouldn't take it for granted that you'll play that role. They can ask. And you can decline.

I wouldn't go out of my way to recommend or endorse somebody for a job at my place of work unless I knew the person was an excellent worker and I really wanted to endorse them. And that includes my friends and relatives. 

What I would do: share information with them about open positions in different places, share tips for applying for jobs. It would be up to them to apply and earn the job (or not) on their own merit. You're under no obligation whatsoever, OP. So just help in the way you deem fit, and if she asks for more help, decline politely. 

I don't make any hiring decisions, and my company doesn't even have those "refer a friend deal" and get big bucks. When she told me to "recommend" her I believe she means for me to talk to the higher ups and get her the job. Not just putting my name-on "who referred" you line on the application, because what recruiters/HR ppl even pay attention to that anyway when they have to look through applications. 

[glows]

10 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I believe she likes her job but due to her foot injury/surgery she won’t be able to do her current job due to all the walking thats required to do-but she will see, so because of that she wants a job in office where she is sitting all day. I dont know the internal postings, but she has a lot of friends/connections there at her current job that could possibly help her out. I was surprised she wanted to know badly where I was working at. 

People are curious creatures and she’s going through a healing period and worried about her health and possibly job security - who knows what her true situation is. I can’t help but feel some compassion for this person.

Mingle around enough and you’ll see most people are always curious what a person does for a living or where/how. Try not to see it as an invasion of privacy. In future have a canned and discreet answer for these types of questions without answering in specifics (no names of any places or people) and change the subject. It’s no one’s business where you work and least of all old colleagues you’re not keen on sharing that info with.