When friends ask for 'favors' getting them a job? Not a good idea?

[Chloeflowers]

On 7/6/2023 at 12:24 PM, Wiseman2 said:

This is fine. Never recommend someone to your own workplace, HR, unless you have absolute confidence in the situation. Even then, if there's friction or whatever you don't want to be the middle man in this.  She doesn't need your endorsement or permission to apply to the place you work for, so if she wants a job there, let her do it on her own merit .

Right, she's free to apply there if she wants on her own merit, but no way in heck am I going to pull several stings and talk to the hiring managers for her to get hired. I've never asked people to "recommend" me a job where they are at. I've had people tell me what places are hiring and that I should apply there and thats it. Linkedin is an excellent resource to use now a days. 

[Alpacalia]

I recommended several colleagues to a former place of employment because I worked directly with the owner and he trusted my judgment. They turned out to be excellent workers. Many companies hire internally anyway. If you feel that she wouldn't be an ideal employee, then pass.

[Chloeflowers]

Well, today she contacted me and told me that they hired her at the company where I'm at. Geez. I asked her if she used my name when she applied/interviewed and she said no. The reason she called me was that she wanted to know about the PTO/Benefits, etc, etc. I told she was better off staying at the place she's currently at because they offer bonus/more PTO then for her working where I'm at. I asked her if she had applied elsewhere and she said no and then told her about browsing Linkedin a ton of places are hiring-she seemed to have no interest in linkedin. I suggested she could ask her friends at her current job on recommendations about where to apply and simply told me they wouldn't know because they want to stay working there and aren't looking for another job. I think that's BS, sure her friends might not be looking for other jobs but I'm sure they know "of" jobs there their family/friends of friends work there.

I don' know, now I think she wants to mess me up at my job or something. I find it odd that the only company that she applied to is where I'm at and not anywhere else. 

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

 today she contacted me and told me that they hired her at the company where I'm at. 

So she's taking the job? Will you have to work with each other?  There's not much you can do if she applied and got the job. If you don't feel close to her or dislike her for whatever reason, simply redirect her to HR for her questions. 

Edited August 1, 2023 by Wiseman2

[basil67]

37 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I don' know, now I think she wants to mess me up at my job or something. I find it odd that the only company that she applied to is where I'm at and not anywhere else. 

This is sounding more than a little paranoid.  Though given your unhelpful attitude, she probably isn't going to continue being your friend.

 

[Chloeflowers]

23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So she's taking the job? Will you have to work with each other?  There's not much you can do if she applied and got the job. If you don't feel close to her or dislike her for whatever reason, simply redirect her to HR for her questions. 

No, she hasn't given her notice at her current place yet, she wanted to ask me all these questions about PTO/benefits when I don't even know the answers to her questions,  I don't want to tell her wrong, yeah, HR would be a better source to ask those questions. I'm not a benefits expert, I always reach out to HR for those. She just wants some "advice" if my company is worth going to when compared to the current PTO/benefits she has. If she does take the job she'll be working in my dept but not together. The fact that she just decided to apply at my place of work and didn't even try to apply anywhere else/showed disinterest when i suggested Linkedin rubs me the wrong way. 

[BrinnM]

1 hour ago, Chloeflowers said:

think she wants to mess me up at my job or something

Why?? Do you guys have beef? Sounds like it, the way you talk about her, you’re almost full of disgust …… but even if, you’re clearly paranoid, bc nobody in their right mind would go through the hassle of changing jobs just to maliciously cause problems for somebody else. That’s just nuts. 

[Bue-aidez]

On 7/5/2023 at 1:02 AM, Chloeflowers said:

I recently reconnected with a friend from a previous job-immediately off the bat she asked me where I was working, how much they are paying, etc, etc. She is still employed where we both worked at, however, she told me she is out on fmla -is recovering from foot surgery and due to the job which requires being on her feet/walkng all day-if she can't transfer to another department she will quit and find another job that's where she wants me to get a job where I'm currently at. I'm pretty sure there has been internal jobs where she's at and wondered if maybe she even applied or they didn't want to hire her at another department. Surely, they will work with her due to her recent surgery -she's only been there 1 year-let her work at another department. 

She has lots of friends and her husband could probably recommend a job, why of all people would she ask me? I personally don't want to pull her a favor getting her a job-and I don't want her to work with me-who knows what might happen like sabotaging my job. And the fact that she wanted desperately to know where I'm working at now-sounds strange. I found my job on my own-never asked for favors to get one-plus she has plenty of connections that could help her out. 

Is she envious that I'm working somewhere else now?

I think you've already made up your mind about not getting her a job and that is perfectly fine. 

As to why she would ask you or whether she is envious, you can never really know unless you ask and she tells the truth  but honestly, if you have your suspicions, then following your gut is a wonderful choice.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

The fact that she just decided to apply at my place of work and didn't even try to apply anywhere else/showed disinterest when i suggested Linkedin rubs me the wrong way. 

Going on your posting history, it seems that a LOT of people rub you the wrong way and that you see ulterior motives which aren't apparent to anyone else.    This makes me believe that the problem here is you. Have you spent time with a therapist discussing your belief that all these people have ulterior motives and are out to get you?   

[Alpacalia]

No, you're paranoid. You think everyone is envious of you. If anything, I think you're threatened by her, which is why you see her as envious. I think that you lack a lot of interpersonal skills and that is why you're feeling paranoid about other people's motives around you. The best way to combat this problem is to become more confident in your abilities, and to understand that not everyone is out to get you.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

. She just wants some "advice" if my company is worth going to when compared to the current PTO/benefits she has. If she does take the job she'll be working in my dept but not together. 

You don't have to be her friend and you can refer her to HR ,etc for information about the job.  However you have no control over whether she takes the job.  

[NuevoYorko]

You're sure not her friend.  Geez.  

[MsJayne]

5 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I don' know, now I think she wants to mess me up at my job or something

Why do you think that? How do you think she might go about doing that? 

[glows]

No need to reply if she has these kinds of questions. Some healthy distancing is needed. She messages, you keep replying, she keeps thinking you’re a source of info - see how this works? All it does is gets you riled up. Don’t respond.

Stay professional if she works with you again. If you’re fine at your job what is there to worry about? 

[JTSW]

8 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Well, today she contacted me and told me that they hired her at the company where I'm at. Geez.

She's free to apply anywhere she wants.

Edited August 1, 2023 by JTSW

[JTSW]

8 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I think she wants to mess me up at my job or something

What makes you think that exactly?

What has she said or done to make you think she is being malicious in any way?

She hasn't done anything has she.

Its your paranoia.

[Chloeflowers]

11 hours ago, BrinnM said:

Why?? Do you guys have beef? Sounds like it, the way you talk about her, you’re almost full of disgust …… but even if, you’re clearly paranoid, bc nobody in their right mind would go through the hassle of changing jobs just to maliciously cause problems for somebody else. That’s just nuts. 

Just strange the only place she applied at is at my co. Not anywhere else and when i suggested linkedin she brushed it off. 
 

Kinda off topic but have watched any lifetime movies where women sabotage their friends lives? Like stealing their man, single white female movie ring a bell? 😂

Edited August 1, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[JTSW]

6 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Just strange the only place she applied at is at my co. Not anywhere else and when i suggested linkedin she brushed it off. 
 

Kinda off topic but have watched any lifetime movies where women sabotage their friends lives? Like stealing their man, single white female movie ring a bell? 😂

I actually love the movie 'single white female'. 

I think you are way off here though.

Do you go to therapy?

If not, I strongly suggest it.

You have big issues.

Ask her straight why she chose your place of work to apply because I think you're majorly paranoid here.

 

[BrinnM]

41 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Ask her straight why she chose your place of work to apply because I think you're majorly paranoid here.

That’s a good idea!

And ask yourself why you are afraid of her. Is she a threat? Is she better than you at her job? Better educated? Are you worried she could be promoted and you will not? Does she know something about you from your past that’s embarrassing and that she could share with your coworkers? Has anything happened between the two of you in the past? Other than that I do not for the life of me understand your paranoia. Even if you don’t like her that much – if she wants to work there, she wants to work there. It won’t change your life. I don’t even know why you call her a friend. 

Edited August 1, 2023 by BrinnM

[Alpacalia]

Oh my goodness. I'm not sure who you hang around with but none of my friends in my adult life stole my boyfriend or single white female'd me😄.

(though during an argument, I said something unkind to my female roommate while she was inebriated because I was frustrated with her behavior. She retaliated by pinning me against the wall with a butter knife.).

I really hope you have more positive experiences in the future.

I understand that you have concerns, but it's not healthy to expect the worst every time. After all, considering that the woman was recovering from foot surgery and had to switch jobs, and that you refer to her as a friend, why would you even be friends with her if you thought she was out to sabotage your career? Looking at it objectively, it does not make sense. The two of you both worked together in the past, she didn't single white female you then, why would she now? I think rather than pinning the trigger of potential bad behavior on her, you should look more closely and make sure you have your facts in order before jumping to conclusions. 

It is absolutely fine to be prepared in case something bad happens, but it would best to try to think of any potential bad behavior coming from her as an outlier, instead of the norm.  

[stillafool]

Why did you even bother to reconnect with this woman if you feel so negative about her?  You're not her friend.

[Els]

I'm just really perplexed. It's completely normal for people to network and talk to friends when they're looking for a new job - to make the jump to "she's gonna sabotage me!!!" from that is utterly bizarre. Do you also think that people are going to stab you while waiting in line in the restroom? Since your back is turned to them and all...

If you don't want to work with her, then don't. But to make a whole thread about nefarious possibilities and FAVOURS when someone literally just asks you about your workplace is... super weird, to put it mildly.

 

[Chloeflowers]

58 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why did you even bother to reconnect with this woman if you feel so negative about her?  You're not her friend.

Hmm. I mean, I just wanted to catch up with her and chit chat. I didnt think she was going to nag me about getting her a job. or our whole convo about jobs. which got on my nerves. 
 

I think it might be best for me to end contact with her 
 

 

[stillafool]

Kindly OP, you do seem to have a problem with just about everyone you're around for any length of time.  At some point you're going to have to start looking at yourself to see if you're part of the problem.  Have you ever thought about independent counseling?  

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Chloeflowers said:

I think it might be best for me to end contact with her 

Do you work for a very large company where you won't run into her? Chances are she will get in touch because you're the only person she knows at her new job.