When friends ask for 'favors' getting them a job? Not a good idea?

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Hmm. I mean, I just wanted to catch up with her and chit chat.

Well you must have liked her at some point if you wanted to catch up with her.  Now you want to stop contact because she got a job where you work.  Most people find that a bit odd.

[BrinnM]

8 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

I think it might be best for me to end contact with her 

Why though? What exactly did she do to you? 

[Alpacalia]

I just think though that you create scenarios for yourself because you like to make it seem as though you have all these people vying for your attention and they really never come through. You have to create the situation to fit narrative in your mind to feel good about it.

It sounds like you may be feeling a bit disillusioned about your relationships or interactions with people in general. You rarely comment on the good aspects of a relationship or interaction. You also rarely address questions and comments that are provided as feedback which leads me to believe that you're more concerned with protecting your own pride and self-image than actually making progress in your relationships.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Alpacalia

[BrinnM]

14 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You also rarely address questions and comments that are provided as feedback

Yes, exactly. I have a lot of questions about this topic, because I genuinely don’t understand where @Chloeflowersis coming from, and her underlying thought process really interests me. I am honestly wondering if I’m missing something, but then again, she keeps referring to lifetime movies and other catastrophic scenarios that aren’t realistic, and I can relate even less. ☹️

Edited August 1, 2023 by BrinnM

[MicheleT]

1 hour ago, BrinnM said:

Yes, exactly. I have a lot of questions about this topic, because I genuinely don’t understand where @Chloeflowersis coming from, and her underlying thought process really interests me. I am honestly wondering if I’m missing something, but then again, she keeps referring to lifetime movies and other catastrophic scenarios that aren’t realistic, and I can relate even less. ☹️

I have a friend like that, who would think of all her friends as evil witches who try to take advantage of her and think of herself as a martyr.  She’s later diagnosed with a severe mental health condition.  The worse part of her condition has been more or less under control by meds, but she still has a bunch of stuff that comes with her condition that can’t be controlled by meds.  Sometimes it’s difficult to tell how much of her personality is due to her condition.  But we as her friends do try to be very accommodating, despite her being quite unpleasant to be around sometimes😔

[Chloeflowers]

Turns out shes not taking the job , due to lack of PTO/vacations my co has to offer. Shes better of working at her current place because they have better benefits/vacation time. Seriously, shes soo nosy , probably just applied there to see how much they paid, pto, had no intention of leaving, which would make sense seeing how i suggested other places and brushed it off 

 

 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Turns out shes not taking the job , due to lack of PTO/vacations my co has to offer. Shes better of working at her current place because they have better benefits/vacation time. Seriously, shes soo nosy , probably just applied there to see how much they paid, pto, had no intention of leaving, which would make sense seeing how i suggested other places and brushed it off 

Probably for the best.  Given your attitude towards her, I'd hate to think how unpleasant it would have been for her to be working with you.  

[Chloeflowers]

It would have been unpleasant for me to work with her too

[Chloeflowers]

10 hours ago, JTSW said:

I actually love the movie 'single white female'. 

I think you are way off here though.

Do you go to therapy?

If not, I strongly suggest it.

You have big issues.

Ask her straight why she chose your place of work to apply because I think you're majorly paranoid here.

 

I asked her why and simply said due to her recovering from surgery. And that's the only place to she bothered to apply when she clearly has a linkedin account and anyone can easily apply to jobs. 

[Chloeflowers]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I just think though that you create scenarios for yourself because you like to make it seem as though you have all these people vying for your attention and they really never come through. You have to create the situation to fit narrative in your mind to feel good about it.

It sounds like you may be feeling a bit disillusioned about your relationships or interactions with people in general. You rarely comment on the good aspects of a relationship or interaction. You also rarely address questions and comments that are provided as feedback which leads me to believe that you're more concerned with protecting your own pride and self-image than actually making progress in your relationships.

I've had people use me in the past so that's why my guard is always up, plus backstabbing friends, how am i supposed to trust people? 

[Chloeflowers]

6 hours ago, BrinnM said:

Why though? What exactly did she do to you? 

Like i said, i dislike her and i changed my mind about being her “friend” which i’m allowed to do

[Chloeflowers]

6 hours ago, stillafool said:

Well you must have liked her at some point if you wanted to catch up with her.  Now you want to stop contact because she got a job where you work.  Most people find that a bit odd.

Yeah i did like her at some point but having her as a work place buddy not a good idea for various reasons.

[glows]

Just don’t respond to her anymore considering you’ve changed your mind about her.

[Stret]

On 7/4/2023 at 7:34 PM, Chloeflowers said:

Also, if I did this favor to HER she should at least do ME a favor, so it works both ways. 

Then it's not a favour really, it is a transaction. Do all your favours have transactional nature? If you can't get something from someone, does that mean that you're not going to assist them even if it wouldn't take much from you? 

[Stret]

11 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Just strange the only place she applied at is at my co. Not anywhere else

Could be a number of reasons. Your company is good one, or it is conveniently located so she can walk to work, or it is next to her partner's place so she can have lunches with him/her, etc. When I look for a job I usually set my eyes on one place and go for it, ignoring all others. 

[Chloeflowers]

1 hour ago, Stret said:

Could be a number of reasons. Your company is good one, or it is conveniently located so she can walk to work, or it is next to her partner's place so she can have lunches with him/her, etc. When I look for a job I usually set my eyes on one place and go for it, ignoring all others. 

Not really. The benefits suck and the pto is horrible. There are other better companies 

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

Not really. The benefits suck and the pto is horrible. There are other better companies 

So why didn't you just tell her this instead of getting bothered that she'd asked you? 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

Like i said, i dislike her and i changed my mind about being her “friend” which i’m allowed to do

Of course you're allowed to change your mind about having someone as a friend.  Just as people could ditch you as a friend with no good reason.   But it just makes no sense when she hasn't done anything to hurt you

Do you have any friends?  Or do you prefer to live your life solo?

Edited August 2, 2023 by basil67

[Chloeflowers]

14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So why didn't you just tell her this instead of getting bothered that she'd asked you? 

She just said she was going to think about it…. Think about it usually means no. I didn’t tell her the name of my position just the name of the company. She went ahead and looked at their website and applied. Of what i assumed .She then got an interview and was hired the offer letter specifically said the pto info and if she had questions about that she was free to contact the hr recruiter. Instead she bombarded me with questions. Almost like rubbing in my face -your benefits suck . I told her she was better off staying at her company stupid to quit-they offer way more better vacation time her only concern was vacation time not pay rate. And she didnt even give her notice to leave was just asking questions almost for nothing. 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Chloeflowers said:

Almost like rubbing in my face -your benefits suck

You're imagining things.  Why would she go to all the trouble of applying and getting an interview just to mock you? 

She simply wanted to know your experience and what you know of benefits and leave arrangements.

Edited August 2, 2023 by basil67

[JTSW]

Chloe, you sound like a lovely lady, but you have too many issues thinking everyone is out to get you when they're not.

Every person you cross paths with or talk to you end up thinking they have a hidden evil agenda.

You start thinking they are trying to sabotage you in some way.

So far, none of us here can see any proof of that.

It's all in your head. 

All of it.

 

[Chloeflowers]

C’mon you dont find that odd that she has no interest in other companies that i suggested to her where she can apply at and the companies that i mentioned to her are good companies in the area that are hiring. 
 

nor has she took it upon herself to ask her other friends or go on linkedin. Or not even her husband 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Chloeflowers

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, Chloeflowers said:

I've had people use me in the past so that's why my guard is always up, plus backstabbing friends, how am i supposed to trust people? 

I'm sorry that you have trust issues but you are taking it out on this person that you at one time referred to as a friend. A woman that came to you to see if you could help her get a job after she broke her foot and could no longer work at her current employment. While it is not your responsibility to help her find employment, the level of disdain you displayed towards her was inappropriate.

Directing your anger and frustration on someone who asked for your help and has done nothing wrong to you is not kind and could damage your own reputation.

I'm not sure why it bothers you so much that she is working there. I'm sure your job is secure and she is not out to take it.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Alpacalia

[JTSW]

10 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

C’mon you dont find that odd that she has no interest in other companies that i suggested to her where she can apply at and the companies that i mentioned to her are good companies in the area that are hiring. 

No, sounds like she valued you more as a friend than the others and looked into working with you more.

Nobody is out to sabotage you chloe lol x

Gotta say though, I don't know you, but I like you. You are very engaging.

Edited August 2, 2023 by JTSW

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

C’mon you dont find that odd that she has no interest in other companies that i suggested to her where she can apply at and the companies that i mentioned to her are good companies in the area that are hiring. 

No I don't.  Especially if that is the place she wanted to work.  I imagine she's wondering why you chose to quit the other job and work there if the benefits are so terrible as you say.  I'm sure she's realized by now that you just didn't want her working there and may be the one of the reasons she declined the offer.