Trying to make sense of something that happened with my ex

[Amy6546]

I don’t usually do this, however, I don’t feel comfortable talking to my friends/family about what happened.

Me And my ex are no longer together, however, something happened in our relationship prior to it ending that is still playing on my mind and confusing me.

A week prior to what happened, me and my ex were arguing, and he started crying. This shocked me, as I had never seen much emotion from him, let alone see him cry. I comforted him and he said, “I’m scared you’re going to leave me”. I said, “I’m not going to leave you” and he said “Good”. He then instantly stopped crying and was all cheerful.

I do admit my behaviour can be unreasonable at times due to trust issues.

Fast forward a week later, my ex shows up at my flat unexpectedly. He worked nights and was due to work that night. He said he was pulling a sickie. This also shocked me as he has never done this. He even used to go to work ill.

Half an hour later I went to get in the shower as had been working that day and was sweaty. As I was in the shower, he walked in the door naked and gets in the shower with me. I told him to please get out. He knows I don’t like this due to previous trauma and has always respected this in the past. He ignores me and starts touching me. After about a minute he gets out and closes the bathroom door. I then continued showering.

When I came out, he smirks at me, gets up and takes my towel off and gently pulls me to the bedroom. We then had consensual sex.

After we stayed in bed and chatted and cuddled for about an hour. He then gets on top of me and starts tickling me hard. He also knows I don’t like this due to trauma and is aware of this. I was wriggling and trying to push him off me and telling him to stop. This happened for roughly 10 minutes, with me telling him no and trying to get him off me. He then stops tickling me and very roughly opens my legs and pushes himself inside me. I said we’ve just had sex what are you doing, and said no. He just said “No” in a sarcastic voice and then starts tickling me again whilst still inside me. I said no again and get off me. He then said, “No to the tickling or sex”. I said the tickling (not sex).

He then puts his hand around my throat and pins my wrist down really hard with his other hand and says, “I love you ok”. He then starts having sex with me and I kept crying out as he was being really rough and it hurt, but didn’t say no.

After he gets off me and said, “You didn’t want that did you” I told him no I didn’t. He then said, “I could tell”. He then said “You know why I tickle you because I’m the man and I can.

The next day my wrist really hurt, and I told him, and he just said aww and kissed it.

This incident with my ex made me feel really strange and confused. Prior to this he showed no aggression toward me, both in and outside the bedroom. He is the quiet introverted type, and everyone really likes him. It’s like it came out of nowhere. We were together for a couple of years and didn’t live together, and after this incident we broke up about 3 months later due to trust issues on my part.

I am still struggling to wrap my head around it all and would really value anybody’s thoughts and opinions.

Thanks. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Amy6546 said:

  We were together for a couple of years and didn’t live together, and after this incident we broke up about 3 months later due to trust issues on my part.

How well did you really know him? Were there issues with drugs or mental health?

Is it possible he goes to escorts or cheats or watches violent porn? 

What were the reasons for the breakup and what were the trust issues?

[BrinnM]

He probably watched too much (rough) porn, and wanted to try something new and more "risqué". Still not OK at all.

Not sure how his prior crying fits into this, though. It might be unrelated, but it could be that he had felt like you had the "upper hand" throughout your entire relationship, felt helpless about this, and was really worried you might leave him because you're a little bit out of his league. Hence the rough sex, where he could dominate you, doing all the things he knew you wouldn't approve of (shower, tickling), and then telling you he did it because he's the man and he can. Maybe he wanted to get "even", after feeling a certain power imbalance for a very long time.   

[Lisa]

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