MayaLiar Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 (edited) A old best friend of mine got back in touch. We used to work together and became really close. I think some feelings developed, however we went our separate ways. He got married and cut me off. He then got divorced and started telling mutual friends I was “the one who got away”. He tried contacting me again but I was engaged and he distanced himself from me again. Fast forward 10 years later, he saw a picture of my on my social media on his old account so therefore added me on his new account. He then messaged me not asking me how I was or anything but, asking me how long have I been married, what do I do and what does my husband do etc. He said he was happy that I am doing well career wise. I found it a-bit odd but I replied and now he’s ghosted me after a few messages. He’s also married with a child. I thought it was old friends catching but what was the point of that? Am I looking too much into it? I do miss our friendship. Edited August 8, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 1 hour ago, MayaLiar said: . He then messaged me not asking me how I was or anything but, asking me how long have I been married, what do I do and what does my husband do etc. . He’s also married with a child. Do you think he still thinks "you're the one who got away"? Perhaps after contacting you and catching up,he changed his mind about staying in touch or just wanted a brief catch-up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MayaLiar Posted July 5, 2023 Author Share Posted July 5, 2023 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you think he still thinks "you're the one who got away"? Perhaps after contacting you and catching up,he changed his mind about staying in touch or just wanted a brief catch-up. I have no idea. We haven’t spoken in 10 years nor do we have mutual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 You’re married. He’s married. It shouldn’t matter if he still thinks you’re the one who got away. That kind of thinking is nothing but trouble. Would you be okay if your husband was in this situation and was thinking this way? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MayaLiar Posted July 5, 2023 Author Share Posted July 5, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, LynneVicious said: You’re married. He’s married. It shouldn’t matter if he still thinks you’re the one who got away. That kind of thinking is nothing but trouble. Would you be okay if your husband was in this situation and was thinking this way? I am not bothered if he thinks I am or not, I just wondered if I am looking into it too much and mentioned it in case it could explain anything. When I got told it before, I didn’t do anything with that informations I don’t even know if he knows our mutual friends back then told me. I thought we could be friends…I am friends with an ex of mine platonically (husband is fine with this). Me and this guy never dated nor has ever known if I have had feelings for him a long time ago. I feel nothing for him now but I really enjoyed our friendship as we were in the same field which is a-bit niche. Edited July 5, 2023 by MayaLiar Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 8 minutes ago, MayaLiar said: I am not bothered if he thinks I am or not, I just wondered if I am looking into it too much and mentioned it in case it could explain anything. When I got told it before, I didn’t do anything with that informations I don’t even know if he knows our mutual friends back then told me. I thought we could be friends…I am friends with an ex of mine platonically (husband is fine with this). Me and this guy never dated nor has ever known if I have had feelings for him a long time ago. I feel nothing for him now but I really enjoyed our friendship as we were in the same field which is a-bit niche. ‘Catching up on social media’ between past love interests is line of the top causes of affairs now. You may claim to feel nothing now, but if you catch up with him, there’s a chance it could lead into something else. And if you feel nothing now, then there’s no reason to think about it. Leave the past in the past. Where it belongs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MayaLiar Posted July 5, 2023 Author Share Posted July 5, 2023 2 minutes ago, LynneVicious said: ‘Catching up on social media’ between past love interests is line of the top causes of affairs now. You may claim to feel nothing now, but if you catch up with him, there’s a chance it could lead into something else. And if you feel nothing now, then there’s no reason to think about it. Leave the past in the past. Where it belongs. So you don’t think he wants a friendship? it’s not about the past, it’s about wanting friendship with an old friend who’s in the same field which is abit niche. But I don’t think he is interested. I didn’t even think about an affair. I’m happily married. Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 3 minutes ago, MayaLiar said: So you don’t think he wants a friendship? it’s not about the past, it’s about wanting friendship with an old friend who’s in the same field which is abit niche. But I don’t think he is interested. I didn’t even think about an affair. I’m happily married. It is way more than wanting friendship with an old friend under the guise of work. There were feelings involved. You may not be thinking about an affair, but that is where it can certainly go in situations like this. It’s quite common You say you don’t think he’s interested. You’re already thinking along those lines and are questioning if you’re looking into it too much. My advice is to keep it short and pleasant and businesslike if he reaches out. And then leave it there. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 Hm. I just read this exact same thread on a different forum. The answers will be the same: "Old friends catching up" is fine, and that has been accomplished. Now, if you want to have an affair with this guy, keep up the chit-chat. If you don't want to have an affair with the guy, wish him well and stop engaging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MayaLiar Posted July 5, 2023 Author Share Posted July 5, 2023 1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said: Hm. I just read this exact same thread on a different forum. The answers will be the same: "Old friends catching up" is fine, and that has been accomplished. Now, if you want to have an affair with this guy, keep up the chit-chat. If you don't want to have an affair with the guy, wish him well and stop engaging. Which forum? also why does everyone assume an affair? We’ve never dated before. What’s wrong with wanting friendship? Can’t girls and guys be friends…I am friends with an actual ex and that hasn’t turned into an affair!! Why would this?? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 21 minutes ago, MayaLiar said: also why does everyone assume an affair? We’ve never dated before. What’s wrong with wanting friendship? Can’t girls and guys be friends…I am friends with an actual ex and that hasn’t turned into an affair!! Why would this?? Yes, but not all guys and girls can be friends. You wrote: Quote I thought it was old friends catching but what was the point of that? Am I looking too much into it? So it appears that you're not the type to be "just friends." Otherwise you would not doubt the point of old friends catching up, and you also would not be making threads about this that mention how he said you were 'the one who got away' and asking whether you were reading "too much" into it. You'd just start right in being friends, if that were your M.O. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 Sometimes people just want a quick catch up and then be on their way...think of it like a little version of a school reunion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 (edited) 9 hours ago, MayaLiar said: I thought we could be friends… Maybe he'll stay in touch now and then, like before. Were you hoping to have someone to talk to all the time? Edited July 6, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 Going by his prev behaviour it looks pretty obvious he doesn’t share your views that exes or someone he might once have feelings for can be friends while married/attached. Look at the way he cut you off after his first marriage. He then distanced himself while you’re married. Dude does not want to be friends. He did a drive by for old time’s sake to say hey nice to hear things are fine with you. He did not stay to chit chat and get deep about feelings or thoughts. Very superficial and appropriate considering the circumstances. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 He was fishing for info regarding your marriage to see if you would be up for having an affair. You didn't give the info he was hoping for so he ghosted you. You miss your friendship but that is not what he's interested in. Steer clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted July 6, 2023 Share Posted July 6, 2023 (edited) I am not sure why in the beginning when working together, How you both got away. However, It appears you both have been in different relationships and since the playing "Relationship Tag." Perhaps his marriage again, is not what he expected and he is hitting you up. I think I'd move on....... Edited July 6, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Excess formatting Link to post Share on other sites
KNM Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 A work colleague I used to work with, who became a close friend apparently developed feelings for me but never acted on them so part of me thought how much could he actually like me then? He always used to compliment me to our mutual friends. We were really good friends and I loved our friendship and we worked in a niche market. He found someone else and married her (he knew I was single hence again did he really like me?). He got divorced after a few months and then tried contacting me via mutual friends telling them I was his “the one who got away”. I was annoyed because I was single for years so I didn’t believe it and I was engaged with my now husband. We didn’t speak to each other for years. 10 years later, he searched for me on social media and added me. I accepted. He initiated contact and started asking about how long I had been married and questions about my husband and career. He takes ages to reply to my messages…like weeks. I feel nothing for him except fond memories of our friendship and us working together. My husband knows. He even said to me to say hi to my husband from him… even though he’s never met him! We are from a culture where affairs are frowned upon…so I don’t think he’s looking for an affair. I just don’t get the point of making contact? Asking questions about my husband and taking ages to reply? Is it an ego thing? He’s married with children as am I. Like I said, it won’t be to start an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 Maybe curious. A little nostalgia. He’s probably taking awhile to reply because he’s busy with his family and wife. Does it matter whether he liked you back then? Are you feeling lonely in the marriage? Not many friends? Link to post Share on other sites
KNM Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 10 minutes ago, glows said: Maybe curious. A little nostalgia. He’s probably taking awhile to reply because he’s busy with his family and wife. Does it matter whether he liked you back then? Are you feeling lonely in the marriage? Not many friends? Nope I’m happily married. I was hoping he wanted a friendship…would love to talk to him about our niche work market. However the questions centre around my husband or family life. I just don’t see what the point of the conversation? I only added he used to like me and all the other info in case people thought he might be looking for an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 Oh I see. Next time he reaches out don’t answer the personal life questions or answer in a bland manner that offers no opening for further questions. Ie. “All is going well. How are things at work? There’s a conference coming up …” bla bla bla. Turn the conversation towards that topic and see what he says. I’m nearly 100% certain he’s just making small talk. I still know a few people from decades ago who will message out of the blue asking how my family is doing (but have never met them). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 1 hour ago, KNM said: He takes ages to reply to my messages…like weeks. It seems like he wanted to catch up and nothing more. You seem to be ruminating over this quite a bit,why is that? Is this the same man?: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted August 7, 2023 Share Posted August 7, 2023 (edited) Whether or not he's looking for an affair, there is no reason to be striking up a correspondence with some guy from your past who you think used to like you, since you're married, unless maybe YOU are looking for an affair. Is this not obvious? Network with professional contacts who have not been romantically interested in you. Edited August 7, 2023 by NuevoYorko 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 You got the answer to your question when you posted the same thing from a different account. You seem pretty fixated on this guy, creating multiple posts and accounts about him, eager to know if he was looking for an affair. Yes, he was phishing for information to see if you would be up for having an affair. You say you're happily married but you're clearly intrigued by this guy when you shouldn't be giving him a single thought. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 (edited) On 8/7/2023 at 2:08 PM, KNM said: We are from a culture where affairs are frowned upon…so I don’t think he’s looking for an affair. I just don’t get the point of making contact? Asking questions about my husband and taking ages to reply? Is it an ego thing? He’s married with children as am I. Like I said, it won’t be to start an affair. Most cultures frown on affairs. No it doesn't seem like he's looking for an affair with you but more about being friends. Otherwise he wouldn't have said to say hello to your husband. He isn't trying to hide himself. What are you wanting from him that made you create this thread and the others? Edited August 8, 2023 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 8, 2023 Share Posted August 8, 2023 You would be smart to delete him as a contact. Don’t ever communicate with him again if you value your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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