Long distance relationship and texting.

[theflan]

I'm in a long-distance relationship but it is in what would call the early stages. I've know her since grade school but have reconnected in the past few years. I went back to WI July and September and hung out with her and 2 of our friends from high school. She and I spent one day, just her and me, and had a great time, I went back in May and spent 3-days with just her.  Amazing time! 

Since May we have been texting almost everyday and it has been 50/50 on the texting, meaning its not one sided. After a month, we started doing Facetime calls once a week. All good.

I'm not a big fan of texting, one, I have texting anxiety and 2, it can get boring.

I do a lot of the re-reading and trying to decode text messages. That drives me crazy. We don't spend more that 10 minutes a day texting. They are not long drawn-out all day text. Mostly how was your day and a brief discussion of our day. 

My texting anxiety and some insecurities make me think she may not like all the texting. I also feel if I cut back on texting she will think something has changed. I feel like its a bit of a rabbit hole.

My question is, should I bring the topic up and just ask her how she feels about the amount of texting we do or just continue as is?

[ExpatInItaly]

I would just continue as is. There's really nothing to talk about as far as frequency, if you're both reaching out in equal measure and she seems responsive. 

However, I would ask yourself this: what is your end goal here? Are you two planning another visit soon? 

[JTSW]

If it's all good as it is, why rock the boat?

As Expat says, continue as is and see where it goes.

Suggest more meetings if that is what you want.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Texting some messages too during the Day.  Face time is important.  Keep it up.  Communication is the key word in keeping a LDR together.

Edited July 6, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Excess formatting

[theflan]

I am planning a trip soon, well, in September but will stay for a month. I work remotely so I can travel and stay for extended periods. I have family there as well so I would be spending time with them too. I wouldn't even consider a LDR if I didn't work remotely. My plan is to start going back every 3 months for a month or 2 at a time. 

She was in a very long distant relationship with her ex-husband, they were in different countries for a year or two at a time before they got married. 

 

We've also discussed her visiting me and taking trips together, nothing set in stone. I feel we are building a solid foundation and its working out. We've been building an 'adventures' list of things we can do together when we're together. 

I do need to think of ideas of things we can do together when we are apart.

I believe the issue with the messaging is in my head and is probably related to some insecurities I have. I am working on that and I've come a long way. 

 

Now I need to think of fun things we can do to make the message more fun,

 

Thanks everyone! I will not bring it up. 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 7/5/2023 at 5:29 PM, theflan said:

I'm in a long-distance relationship but it is in what would call the early stages

Can you clarify what you mean by this? Do you two consider yourselves a couple? 

[Lotsgoingon]

The general rule is that when people are interested, they will make that obvious to you. If you're having to go back and decode, then relax. 

Now, if you are interested in this person, as in you're excited about meeting them, just say that! 

[justwhoiam]

On 7/5/2023 at 5:29 PM, theflan said:

My question is, should I bring the topic up and just ask her how she feels about the amount of texting we do or just continue as is?

Only if you're ready to hear (that would be better handled during your FaceTime call) that she'd love to be in touch more.

Then your focus is going to be what to text. You already have a hard time keeping up with 10 minutes of texting.

Anyway, I agree, try to relax.

[BaileyB]

What about increasing the amount of time that you actually communicate in person - as a means of escalating the relationship, at a time when you both feel that is appropriate? 

Don’t get me wrong, I love texting… nothing against texting. But, relationships tend to grow “in person” so you way want to consider more video calls or even going old school - a phone call! 🤣

[Bue-aidez]

On 7/5/2023 at 11:29 PM, theflan said:

I'm in a long-distance relationship but it is in what would call the early stages. I've know her since grade school but have reconnected in the past few years. I went back to WI July and September and hung out with her and 2 of our friends from high school. She and I spent one day, just her and me, and had a great time, I went back in May and spent 3-days with just her.  Amazing time! 

Since May we have been texting almost everyday and it has been 50/50 on the texting, meaning its not one sided. After a month, we started doing Facetime calls once a week. All good.

I'm not a big fan of texting, one, I have texting anxiety and 2, it can get boring.

I do a lot of the re-reading and trying to decode text messages. That drives me crazy. We don't spend more that 10 minutes a day texting. They are not long drawn-out all day text. Mostly how was your day and a brief discussion of our day. 

My texting anxiety and some insecurities make me think she may not like all the texting. I also feel if I cut back on texting she will think something has changed. I feel like its a bit of a rabbit hole.

My question is, should I bring the topic up and just ask her how she feels about the amount of texting we do or just continue as is?

The key to any relationship is communication. Your partner wants you to be happy, the same way you want your partner to be happy, so you both need to constantly talk things through when something is not right or you're feeling uncomfortable.