How to proceed with someone I met in a different city

[XeroxTheDog]

Hey all!

I’m just looking for advice, or outside perspectives on a situation. 

I’m a single man in his 30s. I’ve been single for nearly a decade at this point and have gone on several dates in that time but never really found a connection with anyone. 

I live in Las Vegas and couple of years ago I went to visit my sister in Seattle to hang out. My sister and I have always been close and I usually visit her a few times a year since she moved away. 

On this specific trip we hung out with her friend group and I really bonded with this girl Sarah, who is one of my sister’s best fiends out there. We ended up talking for a long time and found we were basically the same person with almost identical tastes in music, movies, politics, worldview, life, etc. It honestly kinda blew my mind. 

I saw Sarah a few times during this trip and we just really hit it off. I almost felt like I had met her before and when we were together it felt like the outside world slipped away and it was just the two of us. Being around her just felt so comfortable and natural. It just felt “right.”

When I returned home from this trip I had Sarah on my mind but tried just shaking it since she lived in a different city. 

Almost a year passes and I visit my sister again. This time Sarah seemed to make herself available and hung out with us everyday I was there. 

My sister had a small party at her place the night I arrived. Sarah was there, and when I first saw her again, I went up to her and just asked how she was doing. She seemed super nervous and a bit flustered at first. I sorta took this as a sign that maybe she was into me? I don’t know. 

However after a minute things just fell back into place and it felt like no time had passed. Again, we talked for most of the night. There was A LOT of eye contact and laughing going on between us - even from across the room we would just lock eyes and smile at each other. 

I saw her again the next day and the two of us would often split from the group and just walk around talking and laughing. 

Nothing was spoken about this connection however - it was just felt. I regret maybe not mentioning something but at the same time I wanted to respect my boundaries since she was my sisters friend. 

This time when I returned home, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I could NOT stop thinking about her. I didn’t feel like myself at all. It was like something changed.

My sister came to visit a few weeks later for the holidays and I pulled her to the side and told her that I really liked her friend Sarah. My sister seemed really caught off guard by this and didn’t know how to respond, before just saying “that’s cute.” 

I’m not sure what I was expecting from her, but felt she should know and maybe had a tiny bit of hope that she would help out in some way, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

Its been several months since that conversation with my sister and I’ll will be visiting my her again in 2 months for an event that Sarah will also be at. 

I still think about her constantly. Like every freakin day she’s on my mind whether I like it or not. 

We never exchanged numbers and neither of us have social media, so communication between visits has been non-existent. 

I’m not sure how to proceed at this point, if at all. Mainly because sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. I question my feelings toward Sarah because it’s been so long since I’ve met anyone. I think maybe if I was more active dating in my area I wouldn’t be so focused on this one person. 

However at the same time I’ve never felt a connection with someone like this… maybe ever? 

Taking a real shot at dating her would mean me moving my life to Arizona, which honestly I’m fine with because it was originally a plan I had several years ago when my sister moved there. Then the pandemic happened and I just stayed where I was. 

I guess my question is, should I pursue something here? 

As mentioned, I’ll be seeing her again soon and I feel like making my feelings known one way or another. But another part of me is thinking I shouldn’t. Mainly out of fear that this is all in my head and I definitely don’t want to make anything awkward between her and my sister. 

[Wiseman2]

How far away from you does Sarah live? Does your sister know if she's single or interested in you?

[XeroxTheDog]

Sarah lives in Seattle (I mistakenly typed Arizona in one of my last paragraphs. Using my phone to type) 

I currently live in Vegas. I asked my sister if Sarah’s ever said anything or mentioned anything about me and she said she hasn’t. I definitely get the feeling that she’s into me when I’m with her though. 

she mentioned she was single when I saw her last. 

 

[smackie9]

Ask her out on a date. If she says no then it's been all in your head. 

[Giovane]

I'm not from your country, so cultural differences may apply, but if you decide you want to give it a shot, then maybe you should nonchalantly say something like "You know what? I like you. If you want to stay in touch, here's my number. Just give me a call." 

[BrinnM]

It’s such a great feeling to click like that with somebody. Surprised your sister hasn’t noticed anything, though. Would be helpful if Sarah had talked about you or asked her about you. But either way. Next time you see her, which is soon, make sure to exchange numbers, so that you can stay in touch. You could also mention your tentative moving plans. 

[glows]

How old is your sister and Sarah? You’ve already told your sister how you feel about her friend so talk to Sarah and ask her out and see what she says. You obviously have the means to travel often so see where it leads. Maybe Sarah doesn’t even like Seattle. 

[ShyViolet]

I'm usually against long distance relationships but this sounds like such an amazing connection, I think you should go for it.  And you better hurry up or Sarah could end up dating someone else and you will have missed your chance.  The next time you visit, definitely ask her if she'd like to exchange numbers and let her know that you are interested in her.  

On 7/5/2023 at 2:17 PM, XeroxTheDog said:

 But another part of me is thinking I shouldn’t. Mainly out of fear that this is all in my head and I definitely don’t want to make anything awkward between her and my sister. 

No, you definitely should.  Life is short and this could end up being a fulfilling relationship.  And what's the worst that could happen?  Maybe you're right and it is all in your head.  Then you make a move and she rejects you.  So what??  At least you will have your answer and then you can forget about this instead of forever wondering if you missed your chance and wondering what could have been.  If she turns you down then at least you will be able to stop thinking about her every single day and be done with this.  And I wouldn't worry too much about making things awkward between her and your sister.... I'm sure they'll get over it!

[Lotsgoingon]

I don't get how your sister missed the connection between you and Sarah--the time you guys spent paired off should have been obvious.

I also don't get how you and Sarah never talked about your connection and your feelings. 

Next time you get into a conversation with anyone--could be a space alien--where the connection is this good, you connect your brain to your feelings, tell your fear to shut the eff up and say to person "Wow, I am really enjoying talking to you. I wish it could continue." 

But answer the question already posed. How old are you? That matters. 

 

 

[Noproblem]

I am honestly suprised, why you never asked for her number, because that's  a very easy thing to do since you already were talking and going out alot.

and I am shocked both of you don't have social media and I don't buy it to be honest. Both of you must have some kind of social media, can't believe someone in their 30's living off the grid, that's a huge red flag.

But that's beside the point, I didn't like your sister's reaction, she either doesn't want you two to get together, then if things go south, her friendship is ruined with Sarah. 

Or she knows something you don't.

Or she doesn't want to lose her brother, some sisters are like that.. 

I would have asked more about Sarah, and also why didn't you exchange numbers or emails

Seems weird.

Could it be Sarah is only nice and you are reading too much into this, but if she is interestred and you are too, then you are wasting too much time, and years just doing nothing.

Just do something, go visit Seatle and go out with her and your sister and see if there is still connection or not, if there is

Just go for it, say, " I feel we have a good connection and I would like to explore it further, do you wanna exchange numbers and go out alone.." Something like that.

Honestly, it's awkward though if she is not interested, that's why I think phone number could be a start, and if you can probe and ask your sister if she Sarah is single or not..

etc

Edited July 9, 2023 by Noproblem

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

 

But answer the question already posed. How old are you? That matters. 

He said in the original post he's in his 30s

[Lotsgoingon]

Thanks for that @ShyViolet.

Since you are in your 30s, you can be more direct. The way to be more direct is not to say I'm wildly in love with you. But to tell Sarah (or anyone else) how much a great time you're having talking to her. Then you can also be specific. Wow, I love your voice. I love your stories. But say the simple thing: I am really having a blast talking with you. That's a line that isn't a line since it's totally true and honest and it indicates that the conversation for you is special. 

Then the ball is in her court. Likely she'll match your words ... and it'll be easier to ask for a number or to say you'd really like to stay in touch. If she doesn't match your words (doesn't say she is also having a blast--or doesn't say this in a way that matches your energy and enthusiasm) then she might not be that interested. 

Remember: the other person can be as insecure or cautious as we are. So she might have been feeling the same thing you're feeling, but if you don't tell her that, she might not have the boldness to say her feelings first. Lots of women expect the man to state his interest first and they may be worried that they won't be respected to take the lead. 

 

[Ami1uwant]

I don’t know what typical with your interactions with her friends.

 

if I felt something was different with one I just met and my sisters social event…I’d be asking questions snd get info about her and her personality to read what this was.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Being you have such an amazing connection with Sara, And it seems Fate has brought you both in each other's paths a few Times, Ask her if you might give her your number and ask too for HERS.  You have now put a bug in your sister's ear.  Although she may not care for the idea of you being with her friend(Maybe she is afraid it would cause problems for her and Sara if you both have a problem in whatever friendship).  And perhaps Sara really does like you(Not sure if she has talked to your sister about you) but being you didn't ask her for her Number, She may have thought you were not that interested.  Go back and do something different.  I am seeing a 😋potential match!

[XeroxTheDog]

Wow! Thank you all for the well thought out responses!

I do plan on getting her number the next time I see her in a couple of months. 

When we connect again, I plan on saying something along the lines of “So what’s new with you? Are you dating anyone?” Just casual. 

Then, if she says no and turns the question back to me, I thought it would be fun to tell her that I met someone a couple years ago that I really like, and then basically start describing her to see how quick she catches on. 

As for my sisters reaction, yeah it was weird. However, she’s never seen me in that kind of state before when I was telling her about my feelings for Sarah. I just don’t think she knew how to handle it and felt a bit caught off guard. 

With that being said, I’m not asking for her permission because at the end of the day I’m an adult and will do what I want. It was more of a “heads up - something might happen here and I don’t want you to think I’m doing this behind your back.”

[glows]

You’re not doing anything wrong. Yes, sweet intro.