'I'll take care of you'

[Kassieee]

I see a trend, and with talking to other women too that the guys who say that they will take care of you, can barely take care of themseleves. What are they thinking? 

And by taking care I mean in the context where you don't need to work because they will handle everything.

This isn't a roast to them, I don't judge people who are comfortable in their situation, but why offer to take care of someone else...? It's expensive out there.

Edited July 6, 2023 by justaskingok

[Weezy1973]

3 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

but why offer to take care of someone else...?

For folks that struggle with self-worth, they sometimes fall back on what they can offer a partner, and for men this fallback often comes down to financial support.  The thought process being somewhat akin to “I know I’m not lovable however if you agree to by my girlfriend, you will be taken care of financially.”  And quite likely there are still remnants of that culturally as prior to women moving into the workplace en mass, finding a man that was capable of supporting her and their family  was quite coveted. 

[Kassieee]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

For folks that struggle with self-worth, they sometimes fall back on what they can offer a partner, and for men this fallback often comes down to financial support.  The thought process being somewhat akin to “I know I’m not lovable however if you agree to by my girlfriend, you will be taken care of financially.”  And quite likely there are still remnants of that culturally as prior to women moving into the workplace en mass, finding a man that was capable of supporting her and their family  was quite coveted. 

that's so sad.

 

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

And by taking care I mean in the context where you don't need to work because they will handle everything.

More context is needed. 

Does he/she offers the others to stay home until the children go to school? Is one of them ill? Did one of them won at lottery?

Even if my bf became wealthy over night and he'd want me to stop working I wouldn't, work is an important part of someone's feeling of accomplishment, identity, connection to society, etc.

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

that's so sad.

 

It is. Lots of folks out there struggling with self-worth and trying desperately to make a connection that they don’t feel they’re worthy of.

[BaileyB]

40 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

why offer to take care of someone else...?

I would call this “projection.”

I’m going to project to you that I’m a masculine guy who can “take care of his woman” because that’s what I want you to believe. 

I wonder if it stems from insecurity or a thought that somehow women are attracted to this kind of thing (some are). Personally, I find it ridiculously inappropriate and condescending as anything…

[Ami1uwant]

8 hours ago, justaskingok said:

I see a trend, and with talking to other women too that the guys who say that they will take care of you, can barely take care of themseleves. What are they thinking? 

And by taking care I mean in the context where you don't need to work because they will handle everything.

This isn't a roast to them, I don't judge people who are comfortable in their situation, but why offer to take care of someone else...? It's expensive out there.

A good subset of men still feel they are expected to be the breadwinners in a relationship.  If thry aren’t thrn this is a question of their manhood.

 

Therr is another subgroup of men who think the women expect the men they date to make more than them.  Over talking to many women who agree with this where they expect the man to make equal/same ball park/ or more than them.   Some men are fine with women making more just because of their professional career choices but thry don’t try to date her because they think it’s sutomatic rejection.
 

so a university faculty, doctor, lawyer, senior business executive are viewed as the same class if a woman was a lawyer they are open to date people in other fields even  if they don’t make more than them.