Anonymous02 Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 Okay so, I’m getting married at the end of next month. We had a rocky time and we split for around 3 months and then said we would try to make it work which we have been doing for a couple of years now but now I feel we are slipping back into that pattern again not sure if it’s just the stress of planning the wedding or what I’m not sure but, I also started a new job in the time as well and made some good friends at work one of which being a guy and since getting to know him more at work in a friendship way I’m starting to catch feelings. I haven’t told him and just kept it friendly he is now moving to Australia and yesterday asked me to leave my partner and go with him and now I’m utterly confused! I don’t know what to do cus my relationship is good but I can’t help but think what it would be like to go with this guy to Australia what do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 What do you WANT to do? Honestly just up and leaving doesn't sound very feasible considering you just started a new job. There is allot to do to move country, emigration documents etc that can take a while to obtain. You will be uprooting your whole life someone you don't know that well and don't even know if it'll work out with them. You're enamoured with the idea but the reality is completely different. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Anonymous02 said: he is now moving to Australia and yesterday asked me to leave my partner and go with him I'm Australian and while this sounds all very desperate, it doesn't make sense. What visa is he coming on and what visa is he suggesting you get? Edited July 7, 2023 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 1 hour ago, Anonymous02 said: We had a rocky time and we split for around 3 months and then said we would try to make it work which we have been doing for a couple of years now but now I feel we are slipping back into that pattern What was the reason for the breakup? What bad patterns are you slipping back into? Is this an arranged marriage? You seem quite ambivalent and unhappy about getting married. The crush at work seems like more of a symptom of that, like an escape fantasy. No one you know casually through work is going to seriously suggest you run away with them. Hopefully you're getting premarital counseling to address your anxiety about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anonymous02 Posted July 7, 2023 Author Share Posted July 7, 2023 Okay so not an arranged marriage but basically we moved in just before lock down and neither of us put any effort into the relationship and didnt really speak to each other and I got to the point where I felt uncomfortable around him like would even get dressed in front of him. I just feel like we are getting back to not putting any effort in just thinking it’s working when it’s properly not. I thought this guy couldn’t be serious about running away together considering I’ve only known him 9 months, but I asked him what would you seriously do if I said next week that I’d called it off and he said he would be really happy! so confused and not sure what to do I do feel like I need to go to therapy to see if this is what I want but don’t want to hurt my fiancé again! Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 Do you love your fiancé? Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 If you are having second thoughts about the fiance whom you had problems with in the past and it is now erupting Again and on top of all Of This Now-------Hot lava is beginning to poor into your life with feelings for Another-------Mother nature may be interfering with things and telling you to Not get married. The Australia thing sounds exciting but I cannot guarantee if he does end up taking you or if you would Go, It would or would not work out. Life is a Big Gamble. However, I might just cancel my wedding plans. I see stress and toxicity in this relationship. I might Too, Go with him for the Ride for a 😋while and just see what happens but leave the door open for work. Make it a vacation instead..... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 You can go to Australia any time. Why do you need this 9 month guy to do it with? As for the fiancé, marriage doesn’t sound like a good idea. What is stressing you out about the wedding and what caused the fall outs? My guess is you’ll go ahead with the wedding anyway and still continue communicating with the other guy. Your heart will be checked out of your marriage but you’ll be married, something a lot of people want (social status, having a family, security). Maybe you’ll see the Australian guy again or eventually divorce your husband or live apart estranged. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 7, 2023 Share Posted July 7, 2023 3 hours ago, Anonymous02 said: I do feel like I need to go to therapy to see if this is what I want but don’t want to hurt my fiancé again! Since you're going through with the wedding albeit reluctantly, please go to premarital counseling to sort out why you feel you're in a rut and so unhappy. Going down the aisle while already daydreaming about an affair is a red flag. As far as this coworker, it's already a warning sign that you're complaining about your impending marriage to him and flirting about running away together. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 8, 2023 Share Posted July 8, 2023 What? Your fiance said he would be happy if you called off the wedding. You have your answer right here. End your relationship with your fiance. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 8, 2023 Share Posted July 8, 2023 ^i believe she meant 9 month guy said he’d be really happy if she called off her wedding with her F. Which also begs the question - why would you want to be with a guy who rejoices in homewrecking. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted July 8, 2023 Share Posted July 8, 2023 (edited) You do sound confused. What do you want? That’s the first question you need to answer. If you don’t know, then you have to call off the wedding. It doesn’t seem like you like your fiancé very much anyways. Are you desperate to get married for some reason? Edited July 8, 2023 by Weezy1973 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2023 Share Posted July 9, 2023 You really shouldn’t be getting married unless you are 100% committed to your partner. You are clearly not… Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted July 10, 2023 Share Posted July 10, 2023 I think neither one is the one for you. The marriage doesn’t seem to have a good foundation so far. The fact that you’re falling in love with someone else before it’s even your honeymoon, not a good sign. And moving long distance with a person who might as well just be an escape from your struggling engagement… doesn’t sound like the best choice either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 It seems like you're not ready to settle down. At the same time, going abroad long term to be with a man you've never even slept with is crazy! I also think you haven't seen enough of him. He might have more sides to himself you don't even know. So it'd be a risky leap in the dark and end up in a lose lose situation. So 1. don't rush the wedding; you might want to just freeze everything for the time being and see if your fiancé is proving a grown-up man and putting effort into the relationship and 2. drop the second guy, if he's so into you he'd give up the move to Australia to be with you, and he's not, you're just nice collateral, avoiding him the pain of going on dates and having instead readily available sex right away. Link to post Share on other sites
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