More drama

[Kuzzi]

So, the break-up story is a long one. It's posted on here but to make a very long story short, my exgirlfriend broke up with me because (although she loves me) wants to date other people. Before we hooked up, she was with someone for 8 years - went right into another relationship for 8 1/2 -then right with me. She said she's never been on her own and can't do an emotional committment or anything serious right now. She needed space to figure out who she is and wants to just go out and have fun. (I guess she should have thought about that before moving in) Anyway, this past weekend she came by to drop her dog off. I was watching him while she was out of town on business. We ended up kissing a lot and I mentioned about dating her. She said she wanted to talk about it because she doesn't think I'd be able to handle dating her while she (and I) dated other people. She called over the weekend to check on her dog and again mentioned talking about dating. She e-mailed me yesterday offering to take me out to dinner as a thank-you and so we could talk face to face. I asked if she was dating anyone else, and she said yes. (although she also said it was nothing serious because as I've heard all too often, she isn't ready for that) Long story short, she still wants to date me and is sad that we can't come to a happy medium where we'll both be happy. Mind you, she hasn't offered to compromise anything. I told her I couldn't be intimate with her if she is with someone else - that it negates what we share. She respected my decision and said to call her when I'm up to it. And..get this..she still wanted to know if we were going to go to dinner. I told her that it was her decision, not mine, and that if she decided that she wants to try again, to let me know. I re-assured her of my love and want to work things out. I asked her "if she does want to work it out, what does she suggest we do?" I didn't mention anything about dinner. What do I do now? She definitely wants to still date me. (by the way, she said the only difference between dating and friends is the physical stuff - huh? - isn't that friends w/ benefits?) .....in need of desperate advice

[downcydeguy]

It sounds like she has feelings for you but nothing serious. She obviously sees that spending time with you is good - not great. She's going to continue dating other guys (whether you like it or not) and will eventually settle in a little. Do I think it'll be with you? No. She's already convinced herself (and probably had help from friends/relatives too) that she needs to explore the single life and not worry about being serious with anyone. Unfortunately you were a rebound, two-fold.

 

Don't leave the ball in her court about this one. Tell her you respect her wishes and will leave her alone because you want more than friends with benefits. Give her some time on her own and see what happens.

[Kuzzi]

I'm not really sure I was a rebound. Did you get a chance to check out the first post? She is gay as well as I. I think when she moved in, she realized that she is right back where she just left without dealing with anything from the past. I'm sure her friends/family have been telling her to explore the single life. I don't really doubt that. I should have seen the signs way back when when she told me she couldn't give me 100% and that she didn't really want a girlfriend. But...then why does she move in? (I ask myself) I think at this point she's trying to have her cake and eat it to. Our community is pretty small (even for Chicago) and in all honesty, there are very, very few women like me out there. She knows it. Check out the original post and let me know if that changes your opinion or anything.