Am I right to feel uncomfortable?

[robaday]

I have been working somewhere for seven months. Overall its been good, the work is interesting, the workload manageable, and lots of interesting activities you can get involved in. I work with one other person on my team on a project. Largely we get along well and seem to work together ok. There is one issue. When I started we did an interstate work trip and she hadn't received her travel expenses yet and asked to purchase food for the three days, she had enough to pay for the accomodation. I was ok with it, she's a single mother and quickly lent her the money.

Admittedly I haven't chased her for it. I was new at the time, wanted to make a good impression, build a relationship, and it wasn't a great deal of money. She has never once brought it up since to return it and I guess I just wrote it off in my head. Last week asked to borrow quite a large sum explaining she was having difficulties. I said no outright, because I didn't have much faith in it being paid back. She's slightly more senior than me and has a say in whether my contract gets extended. She seemed ok with me saying no but I still feel in a situation I dont want to be in. I dont socialise with her outside of work, I like to keep my private life and professional separate, we aren't particularly close and so I dont understand why she thinks its ok to ask me to lend her money like this when she has more family in the area than me. 

[basil67]

Not only is this inappropriate, but it's also abuse of power. 

If she asks again, I'd let HR know what's going on.  (or you could even do it now) Even if it's not worth actioning at present, it's important that they know of any potential bias coming from her when it comes to extension of your contract.

[MsJayne]

She doesn't manage her finances very well, and it's not your responsibility to help her out. If you were a friend outside of work it might be slightly less inappropriate, but even then I would be questioning how she manages her money. Is she well-groomed? Does she spend money on things like having her nails done, does she wear expensive clothes, or are there any other visible signs that she spends money on luxury items? If she uses her single mother status as the reason she's broke, this is just a manipulation tactic and she needs a wake-up call. I'd be asking her for the money you loaned her for food on that work trip, and as @basil67said, if she has a problem with that I'd be bringing it to the attention of HR. Asking you again for a loan after she didn't repay the last one is questionable, (and incredibly rude), behaviour, so hopefully your refusal will be all the warning she needs. 

[glows]

Yes of course. You have a right to feel whatever you feel regardless of what’s going on. 

In regards to why she does it, some individuals will do what they please or what they need to do in order to get results fast. We don’t know her entire situation but it is inappropriate in general to ask to borrow large sums of money from a coworker.

I’ve worked with individuals who were ok with lending that amount of money to colleagues, no questions asked. You may not have seen this before and are disturbed. She knows now that you’re not lending her the funds so she’ll find someone else to lend her the money. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

[robaday]

Thank you both for your replies, I really appreciate it. I cant comment on what she spends her money on, all I know is she earns a decent salary and has always worked. I guess I've been questioning whether I will extend my contract even if its offered, as I just want to go into work and do a decent job and go home, without her contacting me in my leisure time asking for money. I have no issue lending money and am generally pretty generous but I dont want to be taken advantage of. It was the equivalent of a weeks salary, which I have in my bank account but its still not something I can afford to give away (assuming she doesnt pay it back either) to someone who isnt my immediate family. 

[ShyViolet]

You absolutely should not be lending her money, I don't care if it's a large sum or a small amount.  This is inappropriate.  She's taking advantage of you and she knows it.

On 7/9/2023 at 2:46 AM, robaday said:

I have no issue lending money and am generally pretty generous

This stood out to me; this is not a good thing.  Lending money is almost always a bad idea as a general rule.  Don't get into these situations with people.  You are not a bank.  Learn to say NO.

[S2B]

She is being inappropriate!

she knows she didn’t pay you back the first time - so this is a situation where she knows she wouldn’t pay you back the second time.

she figured you were a chump. I’m glad you said no right away. 

[Alpacalia]

You ended up screwing yourself over with your desire to make a good impression when you first started at your job. Lending money to a colleague is never a good idea and it has now put you in an awkward and difficult situation.

Say goodbye to your sweet-natured self! She is taking advantage of your good nature and is pushing bounds that you clearly are not comfortable crossing. Encourage her to speak with a financial specialist for help. No more loans.

[leafverdant]

You have every right to feel what you feel, and you were right to decline lending a larger sum, especially given the history and her not repaying the first loan. It's not about the money, it's about setting boundaries in the workplace. I agree with other members here, to ease your worries about her influence on your contract extension, you may want to discuss the situation with your HR department or a trusted superior. It's important they know you're committed to your work and professional relationships, without being taken advantage of.

Now if I were in your shoes, at this point I would have done a bit of digging on that person see if there's any history of similar behavior. That time, I was working somewhere in Delaware, so websites like https://delaware.recordspage.org/ has come really handy. Just looking out for similar incidents/complaints in her past employments or any red flags. This isn't to pry too much or anything but just to get a clear picture for your own peace of mind.

[JTSW]

She may have an addiction of some sort, i.e gambling etc. But I could be wrong.

You're right not to lend her money anymore and you should advise others against it too.

I can guarantee you are not the only one she asks.

Many years ago my husband had a colleague who had a gambling addiction and was lending money from my husband.

My husband is a very kind hearted man.

When I found out I put a stop to it. 

The difference was though, the guy always paid it back.

This woman has made no attempts to pay you back so I think you need to ask for it back.

If she refuses, go to HR and report that she is asking people for money and not paying it back.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

You did the right thing.  Once they start something like asking for Money, It never will end.  I do hope she has enough respect though in you  to get your contract extended.  Perhaps she will kindly just move  on to someone else.😑