Ending my relationship with Maria [merged thread]

[Keeves1]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

We cope by accepting it's over, by alllowing our self to grieve, and letting time do its magic.

Jumping right into dating isn't the best strategy. It keeps you from doing your grieving (that's a step you cannot skip) and it's unfair to the other person.

Once we were in love with someone and shared a chunck of our life with them they will always be on the back of our mind. At first it generates pain, then melancoly, than it's a memory. It's normal you think about her often, the breakup is fresh, then she'll pop up less often but she might always pop up in your mind even when you're in love with someone else, that's normal too. My ex-hysband was in my dream last night, we divorced 24 years ago. People that have impacted your life will not just disappear from your head.

It's also normal to think of going back to a relationship that feels familiar, becoming single after a few years is scary at first.

When my ex and l broke up l took time to heal, took care of myself, concentrated on things and people l enjoyed. I went back to dating a year later and met my now bf 18 months after my breakup. 

Life goes on, always.

 

You've always commented and followed my journey with Maria, Gaeta and well I cannot thank you enough really. I just want to give you a hug or a virtual hug is more accurate. Thank you, Gaeta!!

[Keeves1]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I think you should take a break from dating, not loveshack. 

Yeah that seems to be a good idea. I thought I was over her so I downloaded dating apps and went on dates... I should have waited on that. 

It's kinda funny though that my parents know half of the story and all of you has gotten the whole story 🤣 I should tell them everything tomorrow 

My parents are really strict so I'm curious to hear what they will say 😁

Edited September 4, 2023 by Keeves1

[Ami1uwant]

My trouts…I might have missed something in reading.

 

1. it’s too soon to be dating someone new sfter a 4 yr relationship like ehat you had. You aren’t over her yet emotionally snd aren’t ready for a new relationship.

2. should cut communication from her for about the rest of the year.

3. when did the arguments start? What were they about?

 

 

 

 

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

 I should tell them everything tomorrow

Have they been asking questions?

[Keeves1]

4 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

My trouts…I might have missed something in reading.

 

1. it’s too soon to be dating someone new sfter a 4 yr relationship like ehat you had. You aren’t over her yet emotionally snd aren’t ready for a new relationship.

2. should cut communication from her for about the rest of the year.

3. when did the arguments start? What were they about?

 

 

 

 

I cannot remember what the arguments were about sorry as the last time we had arguments were 3 months ago.. But what I do know is that it varies from small things to bigger things

[Keeves1]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Have they been asking questions?

Yeah lol

Edited September 4, 2023 by Keeves1

[Gaeta]

It's a good thing to confine in your parents if you are close to them and they're a good support system to you. I found that part hard after a breakup, having to tell friends, family, coworkers, neighbors why the boyfriend isn't around anymore. 

[BaileyB]

Yes, you would be wise to take a break from dating until you feel better. 

She has a good point - people don’t like coming home after a hard days work only to hear about their partner’s stress and conflict at work. While relationships are wonderful and we all work to listen and support our partner, if she was feeling like this relationship was a one way street - that is good feedback that you really need to hear. And considering the number of posts that you make and the way you like to discuss every little detail… I imagine that she has a good point. Consider this a learning experience. 

Personally, I don’t think this relationship was going to work out for you because there were a lot of incompatibilities - sexual incompatibility being a significant problem here too.

Edited September 4, 2023 by BaileyB

[Keeves1]

5 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Yes, you would be wise to take a break from dating until you feel better. 

She has a good point - people don’t like coming home after a hard days work only to hear about their partner’s stress and conflict at work. While relationships are wonderful and we all work to listen and support our partner, if she was feeling like this relationship was a one way street - that is good feedback that you really need to hear. And considering the number of posts that you make and the way you like to discuss every little detail… I imagine that she has a good point. Consider this a learning experience. 

Personally, I don’t think this relationship was going to work out for you because there were a lot of incompatibilities - sexual incompatibility being a significant problem here too.

Yes there was alot of problems within our relationship and I honestly don’t know if we would break up or not if everything was good except the sexual part… if it makes sense? 

or maybe the sex would be better If I stopped complaining and stressing my ex out… who knows? 

I remember that when we came home from vacation we tried to have sex but she still complained so I said: «I’m going to stop because I don’t want you to still be hurt» 

She has thrown away all the dildos and lubes when she moved out. I’ll hope she will find sex more pleasing with her new partner… 😔

from there it went downhill.

I’ve started read a book «come as you are» that was recommended by Els on loveshack. I’ve also been in contact with my GP/doctor and asked for a conversation specialist. I don’t know if that is what is called in English? The reason I need one is because I could have someone to talk to and to get clarity. Sometimes having things stored away in the stomach and not let it out will make me more insane and crazy over time. 
 

 

 

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

The reason I need one is because I could have someone to talk to and to get clarity. Sometimes having things stored away in the stomach and not let it out will make me more insane and crazy over time. 

Excellent idea and it doesn't mean we need a life time of talking about it. When my ex and I broke up I spoke to a therapist once and what she told me was enough to give me peace.