Question

[seeyoung87]

Just looking for people's thoughts on the matter.  Should a person have it "all together" before dating?  Also, what do you think it means to have it "all together?"

[basil67]

'Having it all together' is very subjective, particularly for different age groups.  And while there are many descriptive lists on Google, I'm not going to make a list because I think it would be unkind to those who, for one reason or another, are struggling or doing certain things at a later point than others.  I'd even argue that those who may boast about having it all together are likely to be quite arrogant.

The main thing I'd do is look at whether or not you're a good and kind person and how likely you are to cause harm to someone you're dating.   

And remember, most of us keep learning and growing as we age, and this means that we're all a work in progress ❤️

 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

No, a person does not have to have it "all together" before dating.

Besides, the answer to this question depends on who the person is and what their goals and values are. Generally speaking, yes, it is a good idea for someone to be self-confident, emotionally secure, financially stable, and have a good sense of who they are before they start to date someone.

Now, to some, having it "all together" may mean a person is financially stable, is emotionally mature, and has a good head on their shoulders. To others, having it "all together" could mean having a strong sense of direction in life or having a sense of purpose and passion. Everyone has a different interpretation of what it means to have it "all together", and different people are at different stages in life. It is not necessary to have it all figured out before dating.

I once read that good luck is largely dependent on being open to opportunities. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and you'll be more likely to meet people who can help you move forward. Plus, if someone likes or loves you now, they really do, right? Not for what you offer or bring to the table... but you. Just you.

Waiting for a perfect moment may never come, so don't waste your time. A common example of this is "Paralysis by Analysis," where you miss out on opportunities because you're waiting for the right time.

Even if a relationship is imperfect, it can still be worthwhile in the end. Through these experiences, we can understand ourselves better, acknowledge our strength and errors. It might even help us create healthier and more satisfying relationships in the future.

To answer your question, you can start by boosting your confidence, expanding your contacts, and just trying things out. Don't worry if you don't get perfect and successful right away. It's normal and okay.

[MsJayne]

Depends what defines "all together".  If you mean in terms of what a person has to offer another, that depends on the needs and wants of the person they're dating. Also depends what stage of life they're at. If they're in their fifties and living in a share house and partying all night that would suggest they don't have it all together, but if they're 22 and doing the same thing, that's pretty normal. 

[seeyoung87]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

'Having it all together' is very subjective, particularly for different age groups.  And while there are many descriptive lists on Google, I'm not going to make a list because I think it would be unkind to those who, for one reason or another, are struggling or doing certain things at a later point than others.  I'd even argue that those who may boast about having it all together are likely to be quite arrogant.

The main thing I'd do is look at whether or not you're a good and kind person and how likely you are to cause harm to someone you're dating.   

And remember, most of us keep learning and growing as we age, and this means that we're all a work in progress ❤️

 

 

 

Thank you.