What should I do and how do I cope with these feelings?

[coolkiss]

Okay, so, Im going to start out saying that I just got out of a 5 year relationship. We both just fell out of love with each other and become extremely unhappy. We were more friends, roomates then we were lovers. We lived together for 3 of the 5 years and I was not happy with the way our lifes were going. Everything that we had was what I bought and what my mother had given to us. We didnt build a home, we didnt do anything, we dont comunicate, we didnt even get passionate with each other anymore. I talked to him and told him how I felt but he just blew it off like I was just being a crazy bitch and didnt know what I was talking about. The weird thing is, is I thought he was my soul mate but I never wanted to get married to him. And I just think that if you truly love someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with that person, and I just stopped feeling that way for him. I did feel that way at one point but I got tired of being his mom! It got to the point were I couldnt take it anymore so we broke up and he moved out. Its really hard because now I am wondering if I made the right decision. We were good together we just stopped wanting to do things for each other. And there just wasent anything there. We lost our passion for one another. Im just scared because all I have known, lived and breathed was him for 5 years of my life. I know that this is right, for us to move on and accomplish our own goal because we never would have with each other. So, theres another part to this story, I have a friend and he has been here to comfort me the past 2 months. We would go to lunch and he just made me feel so great about myself and helped it make it easier for me to give my ex up. Well, now that my ex is out of the picture, he doesnt even call me. Which before he wanted to see and talk to me any chance he got. I dont know if he is scared that I might want something from him(like a commitment) But that is the last thing on my mind. I would just love to have him in my life as a friend. I started to care for him and I let him into my heart. And yes I could see us dating in the future but when I talk to him, I feel like I am bothering him. And he just doesnt treat me the way he treated me when we started talking. Now, Im hurting because I let my ex go because we had nothing and the person I thought wanted to be apart of my life to care for me, isent even here for me. It just makes the sad feelings hurt even more!! How do I cope with these feelings and just forget about all men????

[Tristram]

Well first, stop dwelling on them.

Second, get a hobby or start doing things you enjoy. Focus on yourself.

Third, avoid those two guys.

 

Give yourself some time and breathing room before you start dating again. You are vulnerable right now and will likely set yourself up for disaster.

 

Hope it gets better for you.

[coolkiss]

Thank you for your reply! I know I just need to move on and do for me and only me right now. Its just so hard to function! I feel like my world is falling apart but I will deffinitley be lifted back up soon.

[Tristram]

I know the feeling. It may sound dumb, but get yourself a pet if you dont have one already.

[suzy]

OWCH!

Sorry, to hear your hurting so much. Please dont look back through rose coloured glasses when it comes to your ex though cos it sounds like you had plenty of reasons to break it off with him. Dont go back to him because you feel lonley, chances are you will only need to go through this again some point further down the line. As far as your friend is concerned, I cant figure out what is going on there, it makes no sense at all really. 2 MAJOR POSSIBLE REASONS 4 THE DISTANCE

1) He is completely in love with you and is suffering some kind of stage-fright now that you are free or wants to give you some space before asking you out ,OR

2) He is some kind of emotionally under-developed idiot who fears that you may want to now hook up with him, doesnt want that himself and just prefers to be friends but is too cowardly to tell you that face to face

 

However, which ever one of these guys he is, his response to suddenly break off contact with you is immature at best and downright cruel at worst,

 

My advice would be to spend time with your girlfriends, lick your wounds, dont date until you have stopped hurting, and have some fun if possible. Tristram's right though, pets can be really therapeutic. My dog always knows when Im upset and NEVER LETS ME DOWN

Dry your eyes honey, onwards and upwards!

Take care xx