Feeling embarrassed about liking someone

[Max00]

I am a female in her early 30s and he is a male in his early 30s. I have known this guy for almost a year and after meeting him it was clear he had a crush on me. A mutual friend confirmed it. This guy was going through some stuff and I didn't want to get involved with it, so I told the mutual friend to tell him I was not interested and he did. I tried to avoid this guy as much as I could when I would see him around. We see each other quite regularly. Anyways, I kept being in situations where he was around and he has slowly grown on me and I can tell he has grown as a person. A few weeks ago, when I saw him he invited me to a weekly event he goes too. I have gone a couple of times. We haven't gotten to chat much 1 on 1. Anyways, I recently told our mutual friends that I have had a heart change about this guy. He mentioned that he was unsure if he was dating. I am feeling anxious about the whole thing. I just don't want it to be awkward now if the guy does not like me back.  Wishing I wouldn't have said anything to our mutual friend. 

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, Max00 said:

He mentioned that he was unsure if he was dating.

What does this mean - he's involved with another woman?

[Max00]

He was probably dating someone at some point or starting to go on dates and the friend is unsure if he still is..

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Max00 said:

He was probably dating someone at some point or starting to go on dates and the friend is unsure if he still is..

So did the friend just tell you she's unsure if he's still dating or he actually told her he's unsure he's still dating?

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Max00 said:

. A few weeks ago, when I saw him he invited me to a weekly event he goes too. I have gone a couple of times. We haven't gotten to chat much 1 on 1. 

All you can do is keep going to the events and try to talk to each other one-on-one instead through hearsay from mutual friends.  Be friendly and approachable and maybe suggest a drink or coffee together. That solves the issue as to whether he's available and interested.

[Max00]

The friend told me how much they like this guy as a person and that they were unsure if this guy was still dating. 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Max00 said:

I am a female in her early 30s and he is a male in his early 30s. I have known this guy for almost a year and after meeting him it was clear he had a crush on me. A mutual friend confirmed it. This guy was going through some stuff and I didn't want to get involved with it, so I told the mutual friend to tell him I was not interested and he did. I tried to avoid this guy as much as I could when I would see him around. We see each other quite regularly. Anyways, I kept being in situations where he was around and he has slowly grown on me and I can tell he has grown as a person. A few weeks ago, when I saw him he invited me to a weekly event he goes too. I have gone a couple of times. We haven't gotten to chat much 1 on 1. Anyways, I recently told our mutual friends that I have had a heart change about this guy. He mentioned that he was unsure if he was dating. I am feeling anxious about the whole thing. I just don't want it to be awkward now if the guy does not like me back.  Wishing I wouldn't have said anything to our mutual friend. 

I wouldn’t know the details of a friend early dating other than him having dates. Only after they were a couple would I learn more about that.

 

what I’ve learned over the years is that there is a window of opportunity for a new relationship. If you miss this it can be very very hard to rekindle this.  It’s about timing/ availability and loss of interest.

[Lotsgoingon]

Hold on, he invited you to some events--weekly events--that you have attended. So what the heck is the problem with you going up to man directly and talking to him to make clear you're ready to be asked out?

Quit this elementary school around-about nonsense of asking a friend to go tell another friend about your interest. Go up and talk to him. You're going to a weekly event he invited you to, and you can't find a way to communicate with him that you have interest? And note: you show interest, you don't have to say, "I have interest in you." Your energy and enthusiasm and attentiveness makes clear your interest.

The anxiety you're having is because you have needlessly talked yourself into a corner. You're not in the corner. You got freedom, you can talk to the guy.  If he's interested, he'll talk back, and you and he will get together. 

I tell you what? If I was in my 30s and a woman was doing the third-party thing rather than approaching me directly, I might just lose immediate interest. 

 

[JTSW]

You're an adult in your 30s and acting like you're in high school.

Stop going through your friend and be direct with the guy.

Tell him straight that you have enjoyed getting to know him and would like to go on a date with him.

[Gaeta]

What is the stuff he was going through? If it's a recent breakup then direct your attention toward another man.

[Versacehottie]

Idk you just need to plant the seed---I would have rather that you did that directly rather than through a friend because now the friend's answer is a whole other source of perhaps unnecessary anxiety plus it's immature.  Anyway, what's done is done...and you roll with the way this seed was planted. IMO you two are playing the long game...in other words the timing wasn't right when he directly was interested in you. Now you are interested in him and the timing again MIGHT not be right. However, you don't know yet if that is the case. So proceed positively AS IF you will succeed "at some point". Gives you the best chance at getting what you want because you will present yourself with confidence and an assuredness about you two--this is attractive and draws people toward you.

I'm guessing his interest in you didn't totally go away but it might not be on the front burner--totally fair. He even might be interested in someone else at the moment which is normal because people move on. I think it would help to see things in shades of grey rather than a b&w on/off switch. It seems like you are doing that due to some anxiety over this situation or if that's how you are calibrated. Try to chill out and just keep flirting. You know the seed has been planted, so do the things around it to let it grow. You cannot be so afraid of "failure" that that worry itself causes FAILURE.. your post sort of indicates to me that you could be prone to that. good luck

[ShyViolet]

On 7/14/2023 at 5:36 AM, JTSW said:

You're an adult in your 30s and acting like you're in high school.

Stop going through your friend and be direct with the guy.

I came here to say the same thing.

Stop communicating through other friends.  That is childish.  If you are interested in the man, talk to him directly and show interest.  He invited you to a weekly event that he goes to... he gave you an easy opportunity to talk to him and express interest if you want to.  Go to the event again and talk to him.

[Noproblem]

Talking through a friend is so old-fashioned and can really ruin the thing before it even started.

You already go together to these weekly events and I think, you can clearly ask him if he has a gf during any conversation and if said no, you can ask him out.

That's about it.