She informed me of her intention to get a tattoo

[ShyViolet]

55 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Well, no.  It's not "simple enough" to just call off a four-year relationship where we've purchased a house together, our lives a fully intertwined and we love each other very much.

Her getting the tattoos she's said she wants to get wouldn't come close to being something where I'd decide, "ya know, that's it, we're done."  Not even close...

I'm just not happy about them, from a personal perspective.  That is all.

So you tell her very matter-of-factly, "Just to be honest, I don't like tattoos, I don't find them attractive.  So after you get them, I don't want to lie and say I like them.  But if it's what you want to do, I respect your choice."  And leave it at that. And then you get over it.  Is that so difficult?

I just find it a bit much that you are "distressed" over this.  There is really nothing to say.  Respect her choice and let it go.

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Isn't your girlfriend a veterinarian? Is it at all surprising that she wants to commemorate these cats and it may be a way of coping with the loss for her? Why is that such an issue for you?

Yes, she's a veterinarian.  It's surprising that all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, she's getting a tattoo.  Why is it an issue for me?  You answered that question in your next paragraph.

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

The bottom line is that you just don't like tattoos on women, and you don't find them attractive.

Pretty much this.

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

While you can't convince her otherwise, it's fair that she knows how much you hate tattoos and not just saying "I don't like tattoos", but "tattoos seriously detract from my sexual attraction to someone".

Last night we sat down and I told her that after having 24 hours to digest the news that she'd planned to get a tattoo, I wanted to let her know just how I felt about it.

It's fair to say that the conversation didn't go well.

I told her that I hate tattoos, I do not find them attractive at all, and I'm quite saddened on a personal level that you feel the need - all of a sudden and out of the blue - to ink your body.

Her response: "Jesus Christ, it's 2023, not 1960!  Tattoos aren't taboo like they used to be, they're socially acceptable and many of my professional colleagues have many tattoos, and not even in discreet places."

She went on to say: "It's not like I'm getting Love/Hate tattooed onto my knuckles... I'm getting three small tattoos, cute adorable tattoos of my cats.  How in the hell is that offensive.  I just don't get what the big deal is!"

I explained to her that it doesn't matter what year it is, or how socially acceptable tattoos are, I really couldn't care less.  She knows me well enough to know that I'm not guided by social norms myself, and that if I personally liked tattoos, I'd have loved them on a woman in 2023 or 1960.  I made it clear that it's a personal preference of mine and that it.

She sat there staring at me, saying nothing.  I asked her when she intended to get the tattoos.  She's going back to San Fransisco next month for her friend's 40th Birthday, and the plan was that they were going to go together.

I asked her if she thinks she might get more tattoos in the future.  She said she hadn't ruled it out, but had no current plans to get more.

She then asked, "So, that would be a huge problem for you ifI decide to get more, huh!?  What, do you think they'll make me look ugly?"

I told her that I do not think tattoos would make her look ugly, but that I find them to detract from natural beauty, and there becomes a tipping point where too many tattoos is very off-putting.

I then told her that I'm worried that she will get more, and that it will be an issue.  She once again stared blankly at me.  I then asked her if she thought she'd ever get a sleeve.  She snorted in derision and then rolled her eyes.

We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, when she asked, "Will you be ashamed of me?"  I told her that I would not be ashamed of her.  I reiterated that I don't care about the opinions of others and this is purely my own opinion.

She went on to say that she "never thought I'd even make it to 40" and that it's "a huge deal for me to have even made it this far."

I told her that it sounds like she's having a mid-life crisis.

She said, "My whole life has been a crisis.  I've suffered from mental health issues my whole life, but I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I've built up the courage to be myself, to express myself and, as a very artistic person, this is so important."

She explained further, "I don't have children, my cats have been there for me my whole life, when people have let me down, they've always been a constant in my life, and each cat represents those periods of time that I got through... that we got through together."

By this point she was getting upset.

I told her that I understood what how she felt and her perspective.  I told her that if she clearly feel this passionately about it, and it's this important to her, that if she didn't somehow go through with it because of how I felt, then it wouldn't end well.

She said, "you're right, it wouldn't"

I told her that I don't choose to feel this way, it's not a choice to not like tattoos, and if I had a choice, it would be easier to just not care either way, because clearly you're getting them, and potentially more down the track.

It then went circular, with her saying that she can't understand why some tiny "cute" body art would be so offensive to me.  I once again told her, "I just don't like tattoos."  She then looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know what to really say.  I'm going to bed" and that was that.

She went off to work this morning, we didn't really say much when she left.  I haven't heard from her since (she'd be busy), so tonight will be interesting.

 

[ShyViolet]

OP, I think you are being really ridiculous and really disrespectful to her.  Getting these tattoos is clearly coming from a place of meaning in her life, it's important to her and deeply personal to her.  And you are belittling it, disrespecting it, and making this all about YOU.  There are some times when we should keep our opinions to ourselves.  If she was wearing a shirt that you thought was ugly, maybe it's not the best thing to blurt out "that shirt looks ugly on you".  Maybe that's just not necessary.  You are being way over-dramatic about this and being very disrespectful of her feelings.

A simple "I just want to be honest and let you know that I don't like tattoos, but I respect your choice and if it makes you happy then I support you" would suffice.  If you really cared about her then you would be more supportive of her, rather than making this all about what YOU find attractive or unattractive.  These are not just some random tattoos, she has deep feelings attached to this.  And you don't seem to care.

[Wiseman2]

You'll probably get through this together. You laid your cards on the table, she laid her cards on the table and that's all you can do. She's getting them anyway so eventually you may get used to them without necessarily having to like them. Try not to make it about future tattoos etc.  Apparently this is important to her and not just a whim, and she's thought the whole thing out.

Keep in mind, you don't have to love everything about your partner and their choices.  If everything else is good, don't let this be a make it or break it issue. It's a matter of taste so try not to let it get out of proportion. She's getting it done so, you'll have to try to get used to the idea.

[BrinnM]

16 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

with her saying that she can't understand why some tiny "cute" body art would be so offensive to me.

This 👆🏼I don’t get TBH. She has known long enough how much you dislike tattoos (the reason why is irrelevant), and now she acts like you’re the weird one because you get “offended about some cute body art”.
Like it’s a surprise to her or something. 

That’s a little dishonest and manipulative on her part which I would be personally offended by. If my partner did that, I would be pissed because I would immediately think he doesn’t take me seriously. 🤷🏼‍♀️

But I’m sure you guys are gonna work it out somehow. 

 

[Trail Blazer]

15 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

OP, I think you are being really ridiculous and really disrespectful to her.  Getting these tattoos is clearly coming from a place of meaning in her life, it's important to her and deeply personal to her.  And you are belittling it, disrespecting it, and making this all about YOU.  There are some times when we should keep our opinions to ourselves.  If she was wearing a shirt that you thought was ugly, maybe it's not the best thing to blurt out "that shirt looks ugly on you".  Maybe that's just not necessary.  You are being way over-dramatic about this and being very disrespectful of her feelings.

A simple "I just want to be honest and let you know that I don't like tattoos, but I respect your choice and if it makes you happy then I support you" would suffice.  If you really cared about her then you would be more supportive of her, rather than making this all about what YOU find attractive or unattractive.  These are not just some random tattoos, she has deep feelings attached to this.  And you don't seem to care.

At what point does it not become ridiculous and disrespectful for me to have an issue?  I'm guessing in your opinion that would be never?

If she gets a sleeve, my only option at that point would be to break up? 

In your mind, for me to find that idea upsetting would be completely unreasonable?

[basil67]

I do understand you expressing how you feel, but responding to her reason for getting them with a suggestions that she's having a mid life crisis was unnecessarily inflammatory.  As was your wondering if a few cute tattoos was going to end up as a sleeve.  She hasn't mentioned anything about a sleeve!   When she gets home, I think you need cool this off by starting with an apology over the way you discussed this with her.  

Anyway, I'm wondering what the point of your discussion was.   It seems to me that your goal is to have her miss out on something which she really wants (and which won't change your lifestyle) simply because you don't like it.  

[Trail Blazer]

12 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

This 👆🏼I don’t get TBH. She has known long enough how much you dislike tattoos (the reason why is irrelevant), and now she acts like you’re the weird one because you get “offended about some cute body art”.
Like it’s a surprise to her or something. 

That’s a little dishonest and manipulative on her part which I would be personally offended by. If my partner did that, I would be pissed because I would immediately think he doesn’t take me seriously. 🤷🏼‍♀️

But I’m sure you guys are gonna work it out somehow. 

 

She's known from day dot that I didn't like tattoos.  The extent to which I don't like tattoos... well, I'm not really sure.  It's not something I'd ever spent a lot of time talking about.

I think she thought that it wouldn't be a huge deal for me.  I think she thought her reasons for why she's getting them would trump any negativity I felt towards tattoos.  Perhaps even a little bit of hubris, "he loves me, so he won't hate my tattoos that I love."

I don't know, I really can't answer.  I can only speculate.  It's fair to say that we've probably both surprised each other, and this is genuinely the first real snag we've encountered in almost four years.

[ShyViolet]

5 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

At what point does it not become ridiculous and disrespectful for me to have an issue?  I'm guessing in your opinion that would be never?

If she gets a sleeve, my only option at that point would be to break up? 

In your mind, for me to find that idea upsetting would be completely unreasonable?

You seem to have missed my point.  It all depends HOW you talk to her and treat her regarding this.

You are entitled to your feelings, you are not wrong for not liking tattoos.  You are allowed to not find tattoos attractive.  But if you belittle your partner about it, I would argue you are not being a good partner.

If she got a sleeve, it is your choice whether to break up.  Totally up to you.  But staying with her and being a jerk about it is not cool.  Either accept her, or leave.  There is no in between.  As I can tell from everything you've said, she never once asked for your permission or blessing on doing this.  She has informed you that this is what she is doing.  If you feel that you two are no longer compatible, then that's totally fair.  

Like I said before.  A respectful and supportive partner would say something like, "I just want to be honest, I don't personally like tattoos.  I don't want to lie and say I like them.  But ultimately it's your choice, I respect that, and if it means a lot to you then I support you."  and then there would be no need to turn it into a drawn-out argument, she would feel that at least you care about her feelings and you aren't trying to make this all about you.  Are you really not able to set your superficial preferences aside for the sake of something that means a lot to her?  

[ShyViolet]

49 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

 

I told her that it sounds like she's having a mid-life crisis.

Utterly disrespectful. You owe her an apology.  If you truly want this relationship to last then I suggest you be a little more empathetic.

[Trail Blazer]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I do understand you expressing how you feel, but responding to her reason for getting them with a suggestions that she's having a mid life crisis was unnecessarily inflammatory.  As was your wondering if a few cute tattoos was going to end up as a sleeve.  She hasn't mentioned anything about a sleeve!   When she gets home, I think you need cool this off by starting with an apology over the way you discussed this with her.  

Anyway, I'm wondering what the point of your discussion was.   It seems to me that your goal is to have her miss out on something which she really wants (and which won't change your lifestyle) simply because you don't like it.  

I don't know what I have done which warrants an apology.  I was being honest about how I felt.  There's no point bottling things up, it just makes things worse down the track.

As @Wiseman2 correctly opined, the point of the conversarion was to lay our cards on the table.  I'm an upfront person who likes to nip things in the bud early.

My comment about mid-life crisis might have seemed inflammatory, but she seemed to be expressing herself with low-key hysteria and it was as much about getting her to reflect upon the fact that all of this seems to be coming from very left of field.

I've known she's had mental health struggles in the past and she was open and honest about this on our second date.

However, since being with me, she's made it clear she's never been happier, never felt more loved, supported safe (all of her words), so it all seems a little strange.

[BrinnM]

12 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

She's known from day dot that I didn't like tattoos.  

That’s why I don’t understand why she plays “surprised” now. [To give her the benefit of the doubt, she may not remember conversations that took place 4 ago.]
Either way - best of luck. I wouldn’t want to be you now. 

[Trail Blazer]

10 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

You seem to have missed my point.  It all depends HOW you talk to her and treat her regarding this.

You are entitled to your feelings, you are not wrong for not liking tattoos.  You are allowed to not find tattoos attractive.  But if you belittle your partner about it, I would argue you are not being a good partner.

If she got a sleeve, it is your choice whether to break up.  Totally up to you.  But staying with her and being a jerk about it is not cool.  Either accept her, or leave.  There is no in between.  As I can tell from everything you've said, she never once asked for your permission or blessing on doing this.  She has informed you that this is what she is doing.  If you feel that you two are no longer compatible, then that's totally fair.  

Like I said before.  A respectful and supportive partner would say something like, "I just want to be honest, I don't personally like tattoos.  I don't want to lie and say I like them.  But ultimately it's your choice, I respect that, and if it means a lot to you then I support you."  and then there would be no need to turn it into a drawn-out argument, she would feel that at least you care about her feelings and you aren't trying to make this all about you.  Are you really not able to set your superficial preferences aside for the sake of something that means a lot to her?  

None of this is unreasonable.  The ball is in my court and how I respond will ultimately determine where things go from here.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

.As @Wiseman2 correctly opined, the point of the conversarion was to lay our cards on the table.  I'm an upfront person who likes to nip things in the bud early.

Exactly. You've both shared feelings, thoughts on the matter, etc. However, I would suggest stepping back a bit now. Why? Because you don't want a parent child dynamic to evolve and rebellion resulting. You've spoken your minds, so try to relax and be neutral. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

Yes, she's a veterinarian.  It's surprising that all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, she's getting a tattoo.  Why is it an issue for me?  You answered that question in your next paragraph.

Pretty much this.

Last night we sat down and I told her that after having 24 hours to digest the news that she'd planned to get a tattoo, I wanted to let her know just how I felt about it.

It's fair to say that the conversation didn't go well.

I told her that I hate tattoos, I do not find them attractive at all, and I'm quite saddened on a personal level that you feel the need - all of a sudden and out of the blue - to ink your body.

Her response: "Jesus Christ, it's 2023, not 1960!  Tattoos aren't taboo like they used to be, they're socially acceptable and many of my professional colleagues have many tattoos, and not even in discreet places."

She went on to say: "It's not like I'm getting Love/Hate tattooed onto my knuckles... I'm getting three small tattoos, cute adorable tattoos of my cats.  How in the hell is that offensive.  I just don't get what the big deal is!"

I explained to her that it doesn't matter what year it is, or how socially acceptable tattoos are, I really couldn't care less.  She knows me well enough to know that I'm not guided by social norms myself, and that if I personally liked tattoos, I'd have loved them on a woman in 2023 or 1960.  I made it clear that it's a personal preference of mine and that it.

She sat there staring at me, saying nothing.  I asked her when she intended to get the tattoos.  She's going back to San Fransisco next month for her friend's 40th Birthday, and the plan was that they were going to go together.

I asked her if she thinks she might get more tattoos in the future.  She said she hadn't ruled it out, but had no current plans to get more.

She then asked, "So, that would be a huge problem for you ifI decide to get more, huh!?  What, do you think they'll make me look ugly?"

I told her that I do not think tattoos would make her look ugly, but that I find them to detract from natural beauty, and there becomes a tipping point where too many tattoos is very off-putting.

I then told her that I'm worried that she will get more, and that it will be an issue.  She once again stared blankly at me.  I then asked her if she thought she'd ever get a sleeve.  She snorted in derision and then rolled her eyes.

We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, when she asked, "Will you be ashamed of me?"  I told her that I would not be ashamed of her.  I reiterated that I don't care about the opinions of others and this is purely my own opinion.

She went on to say that she "never thought I'd even make it to 40" and that it's "a huge deal for me to have even made it this far."

I told her that it sounds like she's having a mid-life crisis.

She said, "My whole life has been a crisis.  I've suffered from mental health issues my whole life, but I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I've built up the courage to be myself, to express myself and, as a very artistic person, this is so important."

She explained further, "I don't have children, my cats have been there for me my whole life, when people have let me down, they've always been a constant in my life, and each cat represents those periods of time that I got through... that we got through together."

By this point she was getting upset.

I told her that I understood what how she felt and her perspective.  I told her that if she clearly feel this passionately about it, and it's this important to her, that if she didn't somehow go through with it because of how I felt, then it wouldn't end well.

She said, "you're right, it wouldn't"

I told her that I don't choose to feel this way, it's not a choice to not like tattoos, and if I had a choice, it would be easier to just not care either way, because clearly you're getting them, and potentially more down the track.

It then went circular, with her saying that she can't understand why some tiny "cute" body art would be so offensive to me.  I once again told her, "I just don't like tattoos."  She then looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know what to really say.  I'm going to bed" and that was that.

She went off to work this morning, we didn't really say much when she left.  I haven't heard from her since (she'd be busy), so tonight will be interesting.

 

"All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere" implies that you see your girlfriend's potential tattoo as something irrational and unplanned. Saying that it's surprising that she is getting a tattoo "seemingly out of nowhere," implies that she doesn't have a reason or that her decision is out of character or that she is doing something that she shouldn't be.

Kindly, pull the stick out of your behind.

It's far better to understand yourself and why it's causing you distress than to cause strife with a loved one over something like this.

These are tattoos that are to honor something that is important to her. You're more worried about losing your sexual attraction for her than something meaningful to her, such as honoring what’s significant to her with tattoos. That's selfish and thoughtless.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

I don't know what I have done which warrants an apology.  I was being honest about how I felt.  There's no point bottling things up, it just makes things worse down the track.

As @Wiseman2 correctly opined, the point of the conversarion was to lay our cards on the table.  I'm an upfront person who likes to nip things in the bud early.

My comment about mid-life crisis might have seemed inflammatory, but she seemed to be expressing herself with low-key hysteria and it was as much about getting her to reflect upon the fact that all of this seems to be coming from very left of field.

I've known she's had mental health struggles in the past and she was open and honest about this on our second date.

However, since being with me, she's made it clear she's never been happier, never felt more loved, supported safe (all of her words), so it all seems a little strange.

The thing with honesty is that when it's delivered poorly, it can also be rude and/or inflammatory.   

In this case, she was already wound up and defensive so rather than being helpful or inspiring introspection, your words sound like an attack.  And when we deliver something which sounds like an attack, the other party will automatically get defensive or mad or further wound up....and more so if they were already upset.  If you are were truly worried about her having a midlife crisis, it would be better to discuss that at a later time in a sympathetic manner.  Not that I can think of a tactful way to suggest that someone is having a midlife crisis!

And her "low key hysteria" is because you've decided to tell her how you really feel about it when it's clear that she's given it much thought and had already made up her mind.  Yes, you might achieve your goal of having her change her mind, but to what end?  I assume you know she'll resent you if she changes her mind. 

Anyway, I think that an apology is warranted because

1. The discussion was about tattoos, and not her mental health (which she states is the best it's ever been).  Her "hysteria" was simply because she was really angry at you.

2. And if you are truly worried about her mental health, your words were delivered in the wrong way at the wrong time.

 

 

 

[introverted1]

I don't know where I land on this.  Yes, partners have the responsibility to respect each other's autonomy, which includes recognizing that a partner can do whatever they like with their body without needing permission. That said, I'd also argue that partners have a responsibility not to do things that will turn off the other person.  For example, I recognize that I can choose to shave my hair into a buzz cut because it would be so much nicer not to have all this hair in the Florida heat, but I am pretty sure my partner will be unhappy if I do so; he likes my long hair.  Does he have a right to demand that I keep it long?  No, of course not.  But why would I want to do something that I know he won't like, particularly something permanent?  I don't think your gf is out of line, TB, but I also don't think you are, either.  I do think the whole situation stinks. 

[basil67]

14 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I don't know where I land on this.  Yes, partners have the responsibility to respect each other's autonomy, which includes recognizing that a partner can do whatever they like with their body without needing permission. That said, I'd also argue that partners have a responsibility not to do things that will turn off the other person.  For example, I recognize that I can choose to shave my hair into a buzz cut because it would be so much nicer not to have all this hair in the Florida heat, but I am pretty sure my partner will be unhappy if I do so; he likes my long hair.  Does he have a right to demand that I keep it long?  No, of course not.  But why would I want to do something that I know he won't like, particularly something permanent?  I don't think your gf is out of line, TB, but I also don't think you are, either.  I do think the whole situation stinks. 

Yes, it is tricky when there are differing opinions regarding a person's personal choice.   

As it so happens, my partner also likes long hair (and it was long when we met 30 years ago), but that was a brief aberration in my hair choices over the years.  I found it really annoying and so have worn a pixie cut for many years.  I chose to do something which wasn't his preference because I prefer how a pixie looks on me...and because I don't like the maintenance of long hair.  

Meanwhile, hubby prefers Tshirts but I like the look of a shirt with buttons on a man.  He ignores my preference and only wears button shirt when we go out somewhere nice.

I guess it all depends on how much of a hill it is to die on.  

[BrinnM]

37 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I guess it all depends on how much of a hill it is to die on.  

Exactly, you’re totally right, but if you know from the start that your partner hates tattoos, because he thinks that they give a cheap & tacky vibe, and all of a sudden 4 years into the relationship you decide to get one or two or three anyway, that’s just not cool at all.

You can’t take them off or grow them out, like a shirt or hair, and you can’t remove them with makeup remover either - they’re pretty permanent. 

That’s why at the beginning of a relationship this should be discussed. Which apparently they did. 

 

Like I said, I would never date a tattooed guy, period. I think it looks cheap. Same applies to piercings, and the more visible they are, the more I dislike them. Eg face piercings or lip piercings or nose rings or those earlobe gauges - gross! 

And yes, I get it - OP’s GF “only” wants a few dogs or cats tattooed on her wrist but honestly - the self mutilation is the same and if he has told her before that he doesn’t necessarily find it attractive or pretty, how can she expect he’ll change his mind?

People break up over smaller things. I know I would, and I’m not even joking. And this is not about control or controlling somebody - it’s about preferences and attraction, the details of which were clear for them from the start.

In this case, yeah, I get it - they bought a house together which is almost like being married.

 

And at the end of the day, TB will have no choice but to suck it up & put up with it, but I think it’s pretty inconsiderate on her part, is all. 

[Acacia98]

Personally, I find it interesting when non-religious folks get so offended by tattoos, especially when the folks in question are nonchalant about something like circumcision, which is way more extreme as far as bodily modification goes. But I guess that's how cultural conditioning works.

If the issue matters as much to you as you convey here, it is likely to be a compatibility issue. I think you have to be honest with yourself about that. IMO, you have conveyed your displeasure to your girlfriend. She knows how you feel about tattoos. You don't have to keep expressing the opinion to her. The best thing to do is to let her do whatever she chooses to do and let the chips fall where there may. If she gets the tattoos and that affects your feelings for her, then acknowledge the impact on your feelings and decide whether or not you want to continue to be with her.

She also gets to decide how important the freedom to express herself in this particular way is and whether she wants to be with someone whose ideals may stifle her and pressure her to be something she's not.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, BrinnM said:

Exactly, you’re totally right, but if you know from the start that your partner hates tattoos, because he thinks that they give a cheap & tacky vibe, and all of a sudden 4 years into the relationship you decide to get one or two or three anyway, that’s just not cool at all.

The OP self-admittedly loves his girlfriend enough to move in with her. She is a successful veterinarian. It's hard to imagine that her memoralizing her deceased cats is the same as cheap and tacky behavior. While I can think of a few others, it's best to respect her wishes and not judge her for honoring her pets.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

 I'm not guided by social norms myself,

Execept, that's not true at all:

On 7/14/2023 at 6:21 AM, Trail Blazer said:

It most likely stems back to my upbringing.  Despite not being religious myself, with my Irish/Italian background, I was brought up with Roman Catholic values, attended a strict Catholic-denominational school and my mom was very conservative in dress code.  She also didn't like tattoos.

You're just as guided by social norms as anyone else, as you outlined right here. You value different norms, but you are absolutely guided by them. I am rather amused you don't see the irony in your own words. 

You don't have to like tattoos. And your girl doesn't have to like your attitude. You will probaby find this will be the undoing of your relationship, but not for the reasons you think. It's already clearly started. 

By the way, as a long-time resident of Italy, I can assure you that tattooing is not uncommon among Roman Catholics here. Of all ages and levels of devotion. Again, you don't have to like it but using religion to support your argument? Doesn't hold water here, anyway, in the land of the Pope himself. 

[Trail Blazer]

38 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Execept, that's not true at all:

You're just as guided by social norms as anyone else, as you outlined right here. You value different norms, but you are absolutely guided by them. I am rather amused you don't see the irony in your own words. 

You don't have to like tattoos. And your girl doesn't have to like your attitude. You will probaby find this will be the undoing of your relationship, but not for the reasons you think. It's already clearly started. 

By the way, as a long-time resident of Italy, I can assure you that tattooing is not uncommon among Roman Catholics here. Of all ages and levels of devotion. Again, you don't have to like it but using religion to support your argument? Doesn't hold water here, anyway, in the land of the Pope himself. 

You have taken what I've said completely out of context.  I merely speculated, when asked, why I have an issue with tattoos. 

I'm not guided by any social norm at any conscious level.  Perhaps subconsciously - but even then, as I've said, I'm only speculating.

Using religion to support my argument?  Umm, what?  I'm not religious, and I'm not trying to "win" an argument.  Please, read what I've posted again.

[ExpatInItaly]

17 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Please, read what I've posted again.

I read it. I stand by what I wrote.

You contradict yourself and talk out both sides of your mouth on this issue. Anyway, you and your girlfriend value different things now. You can either accept that, or let each other go so you can each find a partner that's more compatible. 

It's not complicated.

Edited July 15, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

The OP self-admittedly loves his girlfriend enough to move in with her. She is a successful veterinarian. It's hard to imagine that her memoralizing her deceased cats is the same as cheap and tacky behavior. While I can think of a few others, it's best to respect her wishes and not judge her for honoring her pets.

From my understanding, her pets are symbolic of a greater meaning to her; survival.  As she stated, the cats were with her through some very dark times. 

She's been reflecting a lot on her life as she's been "hurtling towards forty-years-old" (her words).  It seems as though she's celebrating getting to where she is now, in a much better space.

Upon reflection, I've probably put a huge dampener on things for her, when I've been the very thing that's played a huge part in her getting to where she's at.

Still, it doesn't change the fact that I very much dislike tattoos, and I'd have much preferred if she never wanted one of her own volition.  So be it, she wants one and I'll get over it.  I love her too much to not.