Is this guy even interested?

[Alpacalia]

11 minutes ago, amkxoxo said:

I don't always know what to say. Afraid of saying the wrong thing or not having something funny or cool to say. 

You know what though? Nobody on this entire planet knows what to say 100% of the time. That's perfectly normal. It does NOT mean that you are boring. Not in the least. And besides, you wouldn't want to know what to say 💯 of the time nor would you want to be with someone that expected you to.

Have a little faith in you.

[amkxoxo]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You know what though? Nobody on this entire planet knows what to say 100% of the time. That's perfectly normal. It does NOT mean that you are boring. Not in the least. And besides, you wouldn't want to know what to say 💯 of the time nor would you want to be with someone that expected you to.

Have a little faith in you.

When I like someone it's like my brain turns to mush. I feel like I should be asking him questions to continue getting to know him, but I got nothing. 

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, amkxoxo said:

When I like someone it's like my brain turns to mush. I feel like I should be asking him questions to continue getting to know him, but I got nothing

Getting to know someone happens by being out there with them. Questions will come to your mind as you spend time with him. This relationship does not lay on your shoulders only, he's a 50% participant.

I think you text too much that's why you feel you have nothing to say. 

[amkxoxo]

Yeah like our conversations will sort of die out and then a half hour will go by and he asks how I am doing, and be pretty much asks me how I am all day. It's cute, but I'm not doing much and feel like I have nothing to say really. 

[MsJayne]

6 hours ago, JTSW said:

This is extremely judging and sounds like you are speaking from experience.

Please elaborate. What exactly are you implying? 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

Please elaborate. What exactly are you implying? 

I don't think she was speaking to you, but the person she quoted.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

Yeah like our conversations will sort of die out and then a half hour will go by and he asks how I am doing, and be pretty much asks me how I am all day. It's cute, but I'm not doing much and feel like I have nothing to say really. 

There is a solution to that. 

Wish him a good day and that you'll get back to him after work. What part of that plan bothers you?

[stillafool]

31 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I don't think she was speaking to you, but the person she quoted.

Oh, I'm sorry I was wrong.  I thought that was OP asking that question.

[Versacehottie]

4 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

Yeah like our conversations will sort of die out and then a half hour will go by and he asks how I am doing, and be pretty much asks me how I am all day. It's cute, but I'm not doing much and feel like I have nothing to say really. 

I agree that you probably text way too much if this is the case. I like the idea that texting is for making plans, conveying info about plans, a quick hello or something entertaining like forwarding a clip or something funny or plays on info that you've already shared....like let's say you went to see a concert together and the same artist released a new song that you heard while driving around during your day or commute...then you can text him or vice versa to say something to the effect of "just heard a great new song by xyz; I think you will love, can't wait for you to hear it"...that's just my example but you can do with anything..the point is you LINK it to either a previous experience together or something you have talked about or know he has an opinion on (better the positive opinions at the beginning!), and send him a text about that. That shows that you've paid attention to stuff he says, value your time together, conveys that you can make great mutually exciting experiences together (like a partner in a life he wants to buy into) and that you are interesting yourself. Interested and interesting...IMO those two things are always linked....if you are interested, you are far more interesting. People love it when they feel like others "get" them, as in understand.  While I'm trying to explain in detail, so you understand, I don't mean to say that texting should go on long/all day/in depth or trying too hard. That is all bad, IMO. 

IMO you need to transition off texting all day or letting those convos go on for long at all. They are all a poor substitute for an in person, or even a phone or FT call. Anytime you are telling or listening to a story about someone's previous life, hopes for the future, even what they "did" that day, it's so boring to do that over text. And that will infuse into the impression you each get about each other.  Also IMO, people want to be with someone who has their own stuff going on...What message does it send if you are ready to keep texting back and forth--even when the subject matter gets super dull and boring? People will generally transfer their feelings about a stale conversation to the person they are speaking to. Also staying in constant contact tends to feel like a burden to one or both people--especiailly at this stage. Much better IMO to give him a little but not be available indefinitely for endless texting. People tend to value what is fun, entertaining and enjoyable but not in full reach at all times. 

To me, if you are feeling stuck for conversation or content about your life to share with him, then you really need to start participating in your life more or make observations that are good conversation topics. Even some people without much going on, can make their convos interesting and some with a lot going on will remain boring in convo no matter what. Start thinking about things you observe during the day, your own hopes and dreams--even silly stupid things like what ice cream you are DYING to have this weekend...it's all subject matter. Sometimes when i hear someone worried about being boring, I think it's one of two things: either they aren't living life even close to the fullest OR they are not great at communicating (either by putting themselves last or feeling the need to be more accomplished or whatever). TBH even the worry that you sort of need to lock him down & vice versa sort of says something like this to me as an outsider. Like in a way, people who think more like you think in terms of labels/results, like "he's my boyfriend now" so they may be hyper-focused on those things as a sign of what they have/where they are going but miss the day to day of how to make a life full and great. What's ironic is this will often lose a person who thinks like that because they aren't as intriguing or their partner never got a feeling of substance or I can't be without this girl bc she is so amazing. Lol, I'm not telling you to add 100 hobbies and be someone totally different to who you are but yeah you should add something that's for you/about you. 😊

ETA: in person (or on a long phone convo--I'm not a huge fan of those either but whatever), you can ask a lot of questions...You want to get below surface level, even if it's light-hearted. If you are talking about his work for example, you could ask who is his favorite colleague or boss and why or the worst one and why...That should lead to either stories regarding his values/deep thoughts/ambitions in terms of his favorite bosses/mentors OR funny or values-based stories in the case of the worst. They all become future info on which you build.....

Edited July 24, 2023 by Versacehottie

[Versacehottie]

oops---it wouldn't let me write this part:

ETA: in person (or on a long phone convo--I'm not a huge fan of those either but whatever), you can ask a lot of questions...You want to get below surface level, even if it's light-hearted. If you are talking about his work for example, you could ask who is his favorite colleague or boss and why or the worst one and why...That should lead to either stories regarding his values/deep thoughts/ambitions in terms of his favorite bosses/mentors OR funny or values-based stories in the case of the worst. They all become future info on which you build.....BTW, you need to be careful that you also speak up so that the conversations are not too one-sided just bc you ask a lot of questions...this is all time for you to ALSO share your related stories. You need to be good at banter 💕 Banter is key...not all convos are linear with someone you are close to..nor are they an "exchange" of information. Basically with close relationships of any sort, convos tend to jump around. Like you can be speaking about a serious subject at one moment and making a joke the next. The banter is very often relating back to something your guy in this case has said or done or told you before--usually nice teasing or flirting is a good choice.

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

When I like someone it's like my brain turns to mush. I

Just picture him on the loo reading a magazine. That will take care of that problem quick 😉😁

Edited July 24, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Alpacalia]

10 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

They are all pretty much free dates we planned. 

Missed this. What do you both have planned...?

Curious minds and all. 

Spaghetti night?

Walk in the moonlight?

Star gazing with a bag of Hershey kisses?

[amkxoxo]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Missed this. What do you both have planned...?

Curious minds and all. 

Spaghetti night?

Walk in the moonlight?

Star gazing with a bag of Hershey kisses?

We're doing a movie night, then another night I am meeting his friends, then the third one we don't know yet. 

Edited July 25, 2023 by amkxoxo

[Alpacalia]

13 minutes ago, amkxoxo said:

We're doing a movie night, then another night I am meeting his friends, then the third one we don't know yet. 

Hmm.

Movie night? Who suggested that?

[Alpacalia]

Yes. I don't want to be skeptical and I have nothing against having romantic nights at home but I see a man that cancelled on you twice and chose to fit you in when his friends cancelled last minute to wanting to be exclusive. Being exclusive is sort of a milestone and I would hope that he would want to make an effort to get to know you better on a real date and would want you to feel comfortable.

[Bue-aidez]

On 7/21/2023 at 11:46 AM, amkxoxo said:

I met this guy on bumble a month ago. He asked me out right away. We grabbed drinks on a friday night and had a fantastic time. At the end of the date, he asked me for another date for the following week.

With every date, he made me pick the day, I chose friday, place, time, etc.  I found this a bit odd. I'm used to guys just telling me the plan and I meet them. They make the effort. But this guy continually drives out my way a 1/2 hour and does what makes me happy. It baffled me at first. I was so bad at planning. But now I'm trying to just have plans in my head ready to go. 

I find out that he is divorced with no children. He says he rushed into his first marriage within a year and it was a huge mistake. He tried really hard to make it work, even tried counseling,  but it didn't. He says his friends and family didn't like her and some even skipped his wedding, because they didn't approve of him marrying her. He seems to have learned his lesson and doesn't want to rush his next relationship.  

We texted off and on in between dates.  A week later we have a second date. It was again great. We have so much in common. He then asked to see me on Monday. I agreed. I got excited, that he wanted to see me after a few days.  I made the plan with him. Early that morning he canceled on me saying he was ill. 

I texted him continously asking how he was. 

He said he was going to reschedule with me. And he was messaging me a lot. Finally on Wednesday, I wanted to pin down weekend plans. I made the plan and pinned him down for Saturday night. He seemed excited for our date, texting me about it. 

Then on Friday, he asks me to reschedule. He tries to get me to do Saturday morning or Sunday instead. He "forgot" his friend invited him to a guys night. He seems genuine, but it almost made me think- was he rescheduling because he got a better offer from his friends? 

I was unavailable, so the plans were cancelled. Plus, I don't want to be second best. 

I then backed away from him a bit. He canceled twice. But he kept messaging me. He seemed really interested. 

I decided to give him one more shot. I asked him to go to this free show in my town on a Wednesday night. He met me. It was a great date. We had to park far away. He insisted on carrying all the stuff to our spot. He was a really nice gentleman to me the entire time. We barely saw the show and ended up talking the whole time. I felt we really connected. It honestly didn't go perfectly. But I think that's why we bonded over it. 

This would be our third date. He spoke about cooking me dinners and we talked about common future goals we have. He teased me and made me laugh. 

I started to really really like him. We just get along and it's easy. 

He then says how his friend had invited him over Saturday night and maybe I could come with him and meet his friends. I got excited about this. He said he just wanted to check in with his guy friend that other girls would be there and not just guys. We spoke about movies we'd like to see. He even mentioned going to a drive in movie. We still have not kissed yet. But the tension was there on this last date and boy did I want to kiss him. But didn't want to scare him off. 

He also then asked when I was free next week to do something again and told me to tell him what night, etc.

He texts me when he gets home a bunch of smiling faces. I ask him why,  and he says he had an awesome time with me and he can't stop smiling. I couldn't stop smiling either and told him I felt the same. I even woke up smiling the next day- today. 

So today I let him know that I am free next Tuesday or Thursday for plans, as he had told me to do. And mentioned maybe we see one of the movies we talked about. We go down a rabbit whole into these other movies we want to see together in the future and it seems really positive. 

I then tell him to let me know about Saturday at his friend's house. He says "well I think it's a guys night" so no girls will be there. So no more me meeting his friends. I was really bummed out. We talk about one final movie we want to watch, but it'd have to be at one of our homes. He says he'd like to watch it and pretend begs me to watch it with him. I then say how we could watch it Saturday if he didn't have plans and I make a frown face. I didn't hear from him again. But I know I will tomorrow. He messages me every day. He even said it on our date. How he messages me every day. 

I want him to have friends and hangout with them. I'm not that girl that gets mad over that. 

I really like this guy and he seems into me, but he seems to like his weekends free to himself and only to see me during the week. He goes to bed super early, by 9:30pm, as his job demands he is up by 5am. So we only get a few hours ttogether. And I always feel like I have to make the plan. 

Is it weird he keeps bailing on me to have guys nights? How do I go about handling this situation? I just feel like if he really liked me, he'd want to see me Saturday. 

You haven't been dating for long, and as such I don't think you should worry. Maybe you guys are still in the testing waters phase and he may also be cautious since his past marriage didn't go well. Give it some time and if it continues like that, ask him why he won't meet you on weekends and that you'd appreciate it if you did meet. If you still feel uneasy, then just let him know. It's better you ask and find out, or have things change. 

[JTSW]

13 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Please elaborate. What exactly are you implying? 

That maybe you had a bad experience with a guy that treated you bad.

I don't mean any offence by what I said and I realise I may have come off that way.

My apologies.

[Gaeta]

9 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

We're doing a movie night, then another night I am meeting his friends, then the third one we don't know yet. 

I'm with the others with skipping the movie night date. This guy has to make some efforts here. It's summer! There should be festivals all around, free outdoor concerts, bring a blanket and a picnic basket to a waterfront park, go roller blading, go on a terrace, need more idea?

Also, why he's not free saturday?

[amkxoxo]

13 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I'm with the others with skipping the movie night date. This guy has to make some efforts here. It's summer! There should be festivals all around, free outdoor concerts, bring a blanket and a picnic basket to a waterfront park, go roller blading, go on a terrace, need more idea?

Also, why he's not free saturday?

I'm the one not free Saturday. I have a girls trip. 

[Kassieee]

@amkxoxo.... I don't think watching a movie automatically equats him to just wanting to have sex with you. Have fun

Edited July 25, 2023 by justaskingok

[justwhoiam]

23 hours ago, Gaeta said:

A man NEEDS to crave your presence, your voice, your communication. If you over feed him he will lose this magical feeling he's experiencing right now.

Or the man is so addicted to you he can't do without you, and actually time's never enough. That's my experience.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

I'm the one not free Saturday. I have a girls trip. 

That's good. I'm glad to see you wanting to spend time with your friends.

My comment earlier is that you don't need to be complacent in the sense that you feel you have to just sit back or be a source of entertainment because you're worried about not being interesting. Or, do something you're not ready to do because you're trying so hard to "impress him."

No, you don’t have to be a source of entertainment for him, or share the same hobbies. If you already have certain traits and qualities he looks for, there’s a good chance he will fall in love with you. Sharing similar views though can be a big draw and you're not going to know that without time and how you both interact out there in the world together.

It’s your internal compatibility together that will eventually drive this blossoming relationship to the next level. 

Edited July 25, 2023 by Alpacalia

[princessaurora]

Have you kissed him yet? I know you said before this date you hadn't 't, so I would hope you wouldn't have committed to him without kissing him first. 

[JTSW]

6 hours ago, amkxoxo said:

I'm the one not free Saturday. I have a girls trip. 

Wait what???

You've been saying that HE has a boys night on Saturday and got your knickers in a knot about it.

Now you're changing it to you?

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Wait what???

You've been saying that HE has a boys night on Saturday and got your knickers in a knot about it.

Now you're changing it to you?

I agree.  You said you wanted to see him on weekends and now that you're finally getting into a relationship with him, you want to spend the first Saturday night of your relationship with your girlfriends?  Why?  That makes no sense.