Girlfriend's Relationship with Dating App 'Friend'

[ElMajorino]

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year. Recently I noticed that she has been regularly conversing with a man she started speaking to on a dating app not long before we met. His name regularly pops up when she is showing me something on her phone, and when I asked her about this friend whom she had never mentioned she became visibly uncomfortable. She then explained that it was someone she got to know via a dating app, but assured me that it has long since been made clear to him that she is in a relationship. I didn't really think too much more of it, aware that he lives in a different country and presumed that they had perhaps struck up a sincere virtual friendship. However, when trying to log into my WhatsApp web, her account was already logged in after she had been using my laptop. I noticed that she has been sending him a lot of pictures and videos of animals, and had even been sending these at times when we were on holidays together, and other times when we were in bed. Reading the messages, it seems they have some aspirations to meet up (whether as friends on other bases) in the next couple of weeks when he is in Ireland. My girlfriend asked if he would like somewhere "fancy" for dinner. Should I be concerned? If so, how should I address this issue? My gut feeling is that there is something not right here.

Thanks in advance for your help.

[BrinnM]

20 hours ago, ElMajorino said:

how should I address this issue?

Tell her the truth. That her WhatsApp was open when you tried to logon to yours, and that you saw that they’re planning a meeting. If he knows she’s in a relationship already, I am hoping he would want to get to know you as well. Ask her what the plans are and ask to join them. Her reaction will probably tell you a lot. 

[semble]

I suggest you absolutely do NOT tell her the truth and do NOT tell her the WhatsApp was left open.

Good chance she'll simply be a lot more careful going forward and it will be much more difficult for you to keep tabs on her.

Not sure if lines are being crossed but it's close.

I'd say nothing but keep tabs on her.

 

 

[MsJayne]

She met this guy through a dating app. The key word in there is "dating" - they were both looking for a relationship, but she now has you in her life and so therefore why does she need to meet this guy? Different if they'd already met and formed a friendship before you came along, but encouraging his interest behind your back tells you a lot about this woman and none of it is good. If she'd made it clear to him that she's in a relationship I doubt he'd be travelling to come meet her. Sounds like she's been courting his attention, he thinks he's in with a chance and so has told her he's coming to Ireland for a holiday, (pure coincidence that he's holidaying right near where she lives! 🙄), and said, "Hey, while I'm there why don't we meet in person? I'll take you out for a nice dinner somewhere," and she's encouraged him all the way. If her interactions with him are innocent she wouldn't have reason to be sneaky about planning dinners at "fancy" restaurants. I would tell her she left the app open and you read her stuff, and if she gets uppity about you invading her privacy I would give her a talk about being two-faced and sly. You can't tell her who to be friends with but you can choose not to be in a relationship with someone who lies beside you in bed sending pics and messages to some dude she's never even met. 

[Wiseman2]

On 7/14/2023 at 2:39 PM, ElMajorino said:

 regularly conversing with a man she started speaking to on a dating app.  they have some aspirations to meet up  in the next couple of weeks.My girlfriend asked if he would like somewhere "fancy" for dinner.

Unfortunately none of this seems like a "friendship".  Ask her when (whatshisname) is coming to town and what's up with that. Be direct. 

[Alpacalia]

Maybe your girlfriend is trying to make a good impression and is more interested in this person than she is letting on. Find out why she suggested a fancy dinner. It may be a sign that she wants to impress him. If she's always been the type to plan extravagant dates, then that could be a perfectly normal thing for her to do. If she usually opts for more casual dates, then it may indicate that she's interested in him more than she is letting on.

A few months before I met the person I would later date, I formed a platonic friendship with a man. I had no romantic feelings towards my male friend, and he knew that I was currently dating someone. He still proposed meeting up despite this. My initial response was yes since it seemed like just a casual meetup, but he continued to suggest a more intimate meetup, so I eventually cancelled. It worried me that going out with him might interfere with my relationship with the new person I was seeing. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea and could not join him. He accepted my decision and we went our separate ways. I did not mention this to the man I was dating at first, since we had just started dating and I was only interested in the other man on a platonic level.

I would ask her why she wants to take him out for dinner. If she doesn't have a good answer, I would be concerned that she might have feelings for him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, you should be worried. 

It's one thing to keep in touch with a friend. It's another to very frequently communicate with someone who'd wantd to meet for a date, and now to actually make plans to meet him in person. She has poor boundaries and her integrity is questionable, as is her interest in this guy. 

Be honest and tell her what you found. Understand that whatever excuse she comes up doesn't change the fact that she appears to be rather attached to this man and not fully committed to you. 

I'm sorry.  

 

Edited July 16, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Red Flag ALERT!!!!!!  It is inappropriate if you are exclusive and official for a year.  She has this "Online Guy" whom she is even meeting up with and I am betting you are not invited to the dinner table.  Stop enabling this to go further.  She has two of you and has been eating her cake with Two.  I think it is some secret life she is leading on the NET with this guy and you never know where it might go when they meet in person.  Talk to her ASAP!!!🤥

Edited July 16, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[glows]

I’d just mention I don’t like it and reevaluate the relationship. Let her talk and see whether she invites you to the meet up. 

She should be free to do as she pleases. It just doesn’t have to be with you around if she’s the only one deciding the terms.

[smackie9]

She may think it's a "friendship" but this guy is an orbiter, and she's being stupid. No guy is interested in just a "friendship". He's waiting in the wings to see if he has a chance. So not appropriate and she needs a talking to. 

[JTSW]

Yes, you should be concerned.

She is chatting to a guy she met on a DATING app.

Big no no!

It's not innocent at all. 

Don't tell her about her WhatsApp being open.

Keep an eye on her, even more so when this guy is supposed to be visiting.

[BreakOnThrough]

Even if it were innocent, it may not be when they meet.  Being that she was secretive about it would mean it's suspect to me, that would be enough for me to end the relationship.