How do we move forward?

[xxjustinukxx]

Hello everyone, 

 

I'm in such a state over this, and I don't know what to do. I'd really appreciate some advice.

 

I was with my ex girlfriend for about 18 months. We had a fantastic time together and were very much in love. However, neither of our situations were ideal - she lived with a lazy, disgusting housemate - a friend of hers that took her and her son in after her previous relationship broke down. She does all the cooking ,cleaning etc. In the last year he became sick with cancer. She supports him, takes him to all his appointments etc as his family don't bother. As you can imagine, it causes her a lot of stress. Not to mention she is terribly mistreated at her job. Her stress levels are high and finances are bad too - so she struggles, as we all do.

Me - I was evicted from my last home as I was no longer able to afford the rent etc. I had nowhere else to go and so went to stay with my kids mum (who I get on fine with), and my kids. I sleep on her sofa. I suffer with terrible mental health issues and am jobless. 

So, as you can imagine, despite the fact we had a great relationship, these other pressures caused a lot of stress and strain and eventually we decided to end the relationship. Prior to us splitting up, we'd taken two several month separations to try and ease the pressure. Ultimately, it wasn't working so the relationship ended.

 

During our second separation, break - whatever you want to call it, I slept with someone else. One day, that was it. The guilt consumed me and after mine and my girlfriends relationship ended - I told her what had happened. I felt she had a right to know. She was devastated, angry etc and despite the fact we were on a break, she still felt I'd cheated on her and that was something I never sought to disagree with. I've never been unfaithful to anyone in my entire life. Ever.

 

So fast forward a few months to now, and the anger has settled and things are on better terms with us. The love is still there and we both want to rebuild things, providing our circumstances are better. However, her son - in his mid 20's will not accept us trying again. He has so much anger towards me as him mum told him what happened. I've offered to talk to him, to try and show him, prove to him my intentions towards his mum are good and explain what happened. No excuses, no bullshit, just talking man to man. He won't have it.

 

I don't want and will not have my ex and her son falling out because of me, and so I can't see a way forward if he won't allow me to talk to him. 

 

I honestly don't know what to do.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, xxjustinukxx said:

 

 

5 minutes ago, xxjustinukxx said:

I don't want and will not have my ex and her son falling out because of me, 

Sorry this is happening. Perhaps try to get help with the logistical issues. Her son's approval isn't as important as your and your children's wellbeing.

Go to social services/welfare and apply for whatever help you are eligible for. Food stamps, housing, medical and mental health care,  job placement and training.  Focus solely on this. There's probably no coming back from sleeping around while "on break" or while crashing on your ex's sofa.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

I find it unfair that she would even allow a 20 year old kid to tell her what to do.  He is still graciously living under the roof this man with Cancer has even provided for Him and Yet-----He tries to rule the roost with his Mom living under it.  You both will never get that second chance for romance with outside interference.  Regardless who it is.  If she feels his advice and input is more important to Her, Then No, I see no future.  Not even with anything else that would crop up.  You decide.....😒

Edited July 16, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[BrinnM]

Hmmmm ……. Can you work on getting your life together before you entertain the idea of being in a relationship? I mean, you don’t even have a place to live. Get financially and mentally stable first, and find yourself an apartment. Living with your ex is not the solution. No woman will be interested in you as a potential partner, if you depend on your ex-wife for housing, and I’m sure this is one of the reasons why your ex-GF’s son is skeptical as well.
He wants to protect his mom, who is already stressed out to the max as it is. I’m sure he is worried that his mom would be burdened even more if she rekindled your relationship, given your mental health and all the other baggage this would bring. And I also think it would be easier for you if you worked on yourself, and on improving your current situation, if you didn’t have the distraction of a romantic relationship. This all sounds very complicated, and I think you should focus on getting rid of all your problems one by one with no extra distraction. And then, when you feel more stable, focus on your live life. 

[smackie9]

Sorry to say this but your GF ex GF is a bit of a pushover. A lot of her issues are based on her not standing up for herself. That is why she was abused at work and her son won't let her live her life. She needs to tell her son to get a job and get the f out on his own..he's an adult now not a "kid". As for her job, she should find another one, or if possible go to HR and press charges of abuse and get compensation. The dude with cancer, tho very nice for him to let her lodge at his place, that relationship needs to end. She shouldn't carry the burden like that especially if she has mental health issues. She definitely needs to get help. Maybe she can seek out government help/resources, and have a nurse come in to take over the duties a few days a week. There are charities that have volunteers to take patients to treatment for free. She needs to stop carrying the load because she feels she has no choice...she does have a choice. I feel you should spend your time lifting her to her potential.