ajc95 Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 (Background information: I am 28 and the guy is 29) I met a guy back in January of this year and we clicked instantly. Our chemistry was incredible and we did manage to go on a couple dates but unfortunately, he had just gotten out of a long term relationship a few months prior so he was not ready for anything serious, which he knew was what I was hoping for... So after a few weeks of getting to know each other, we had a serious talk and he decided it was best to end things with me because he did not want to string me along but blamed it on him being "too busy with work" (he travels a lot for work). We ended on a good note with respect and no hard feelings for each other. For whatever reason, even though the time spent with him was brief, something in me just felt like things were not truly over. We were no longer in contact but I would think about him every single day... even when I met new people, he was still always in the back of my mind. He definitely left a lasting impression on me but I refused to contact him after he ended things with me so I just kept to myself. Months passed... still couldn't forget him... until last night... it is now mid-July and half a year of no contact has passed... I look at my phone and see a text from him. He contacted me saying "Hey, I was in the area where we got dinner together and it reminded me to check in and see how you're doing! Hope you are doing great." Clearly he has not forgotten about me? My question is... he ended things with me half a year ago, why is he contacting me now? What could his intentions be? Do you really feel like he is just "casually checking in"? What are your thoughts on the type of message he sent me? Does it just seem like an excuse to get back in touch? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 Yea casually checking in. Ignore if you’re hoping for a relationship. Respond if you want to meet as friends or no strings attached fling. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ajc95 Posted July 16, 2023 Author Share Posted July 16, 2023 5 minutes ago, glows said: Yea casually checking in. Ignore if you’re hoping for a relationship. Respond if you want to meet as friends or no strings attached fling. what makes you believe it's casual and not an excuse to rekindle something into more? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 Just now, ajc95 said: what makes you believe it's casual and not an excuse to rekindle something into more? His message didn’t sound at all intimate or romantic. When someone wants to rekindle after they broke it off or their heart is deeply connected to yours they don’t talk like that. I understand you want this to become something more and it’s worth meeting up but you’ll also need to make peace with the fact that he may not see you the same way. Only when you’ve done this then you can be happy regardless of whether you end up together and be happy for him in whatever path he chooses. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 Maybe the first time you dated, the timing just wasn't right for him. I would at least reply, and then see what he has to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 1 hour ago, ajc95 said: half a year of no contact has passed... I look at my phone and see a text from him. He contacted me saying "Hey, I was in the area where we got dinner together and it reminded me to check in and see how you're doing! Hope you are doing great." You stated you ending things on good terms and sort of left the door open. Even though he was forthcoming about being unable to offer a relationship. Whenever an ex contacts you it's for their own reasons. Lonely, bored, on the rebound, horny, etc. If you want to get together to catch up that's fine but pace yourself so you don't fall into a situationship, where he only wants to see you when it's convenient for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 16, 2023 Share Posted July 16, 2023 "Hey, I was in the area where we got dinner together and it reminded me to check in and see how you're doing! Hope you are doing great." This sentence is really cautious. If he were interested, he would need to say something like he remembered the great times you guys had at the restaurant of mention how great some other times with you were. That would open the door a little bit. This note is more like a greeting card you would send someone to just say to yourself that you checked in with them. Now, it's possible that he's just extremely cautious (and wimpy.) He doesn't even say this dinner reminded him of you--he says the dinner reminded him to check in with you. WTF does that mean? If he's thinking of you (as in thinking about rekindling things) he doesn't need a dang reminder. That you exist and you and he aren't together is the reminder! Answer briefly and see what happens. I wouldn't assume anything based on this. To go back to the beginning here, his claim that he was too busy with work to date you--that claim is almost never honest. A good 99 percent of the time "too busy" is code for "I like you. You're a good person. I see some great qualities in you. But I don't want to date you." You make time and prioritize time when you find a partner who excites you. Busy people, people working long hours and traveling and the like, they date all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 11 hours ago, ajc95 said: What could his intentions be? It's impossible to say. It's a short message that doesn't offer much. We can over-analyze the wording and speculate, but you won't really know unless you respond. Do you want to? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 (edited) This is a difficult situation to decipher. On the one hand, it certainly seems like he was trying to reach out and check up on you. On the other hand, it could also be an excuse to rekindle your relationship. Unfortunately, it's impossible for us to know his true motivations, so the best thing you can do is talk to him directly and get clarity on his intentions. If he does seem interested in picking up where you left off, I would advise caution. It's possible that his feelings towards you have changed and he is now open to something more serious with you. Alternatively, he may simply be trying to kindle a friendship or even become friends with benefits. I got back together with someone I dated for a few months when I was younger. He was dating someone and so was I and we accidentally ran into each other. He stopped dating the girl and I stopped dating the guy so that we could start spending time together again. It was a wonderful relationship for several years until I broke up with him because I felt I was too young to be in a serious relationship. We decided to stay friends and I'm thankful for the time we had together. So I don't necessarily think that it's because they're bored or lonely. Having said that, if the reason he ended things in the first place is still present and it is not realistic for that to change, it would be better to part ways again than to build false expectations that can only lead to further heartache. At the end of the day, you can only let him know how you feel and try to get to the bottom of his intentions. Be honest and direct in your communication and hopefully he is being honest as well. Good luck! Edited July 17, 2023 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 (edited) He let you know he was in the area and wanted to get together. I believe he does at Times, Think of You, And with "Being in the Area," He still is into meeting up. Nothing more. Go slow and if you feel it might leave you a lasting impression after having Moved On, Don't go. You decide.😐 Edited July 17, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 Go for dinner and see where the conversation takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 You never know. Perhaps first time around he was not in a good place to date. Or maybe he is just looking for a hookup. You could definitely chat and meet him if you are still willing that is. No harm in that. It may or may not lead anywhere. But it's going to save you a lot of what ifs down the road if you reply to his text and see what he says next. If he suggests a hookup or anything like that, block him and move on. You can ask him during the chat what he is looking for relationshipwise to see what is going on with him. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 He is just checking in. And chances are he's yanking your chain as well. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 He could have been just checking in. Or he could have been looking for a hookup. Or he could have been interested in dating again. We really can't say. Of course, if he was interested in dating again, you'd expect him to make a lot more effort....so it probably wasn't that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts