Friend ruining holiday

[Erica_2]

Hey
 

i am writing as I am in shock by friends behaviour. Me and two friends took a trip abroad, it had been planned for a while and everyone was excited. About a month before my friend said that she has a long time friend who is also on holiday where we are going, and that she is alone and has asked if she can join us for a few evenings out. He apologised and said she felt awkward saying no to her but promised that we would get along. 

Our friends friend was lovely! However our other friends mood changed about 2 days in. She constantly complained about being hungover, and sat miserable when our friend suggested a place to go.

My friend confessed to me on the trip, that our other friend was annoying her on this trip. She said she our friend was making the trip about her friend, doing what she wanted and the fact she has less money than us on the trip,  felt it was limiting us and that she wasn’t going to do everything that she wanted.

This shocked me, as my friend hadn’t  been overbearing and had made a few suggestions of places to go as she knew the area well.

 

my friend would sit quiet whenever the friend of friend was around. Was never happy and always wanted to go with the opposite of what the group wanted. We tried to please her by doing things for all of us. One night she was really off with our friend and said she couldn’t wait to get home.

My friend confronted her. Asking her what was the problem. She wouldn’t say, failed to communicate yet b****ed to me that she wouldn’t go away with our friend again and that she made it all about what she wanted and about her friend.

 

I was shocked as our friend was easy going, now we’re home she’s been very quiet and I’m worried that she has caused a rift in our friend group.

She wont communicate how she feels, and I feel really let down by her spoilt behaviour. 
 

has anyone experienced this with friends or whilst going away with friends?

Edited July 17, 2023 by Erica_2

[glows]

The issue could be money and that’s not anything either of you can control. If you’re friends be mindful of the activities planned so you’re not alienating anyone based on prices and costs. 

Sometimes you just have to pick people who are open to the same activities or able to afford similar trips. 

Be mindful that having someone admit they don’t have enough money or as much can be humiliating and embarrassing. If you all know what the issue is already don’t corner her or make her explain. Just be gracious about it and decline inviting her to further events and let this go.

[Erica_2]

1 minute ago, glows said:

The issue could be money and that’s not anything either of you can control. If you’re friends be mindful of the activities planned so you’re not alienating anyone based on prices and costs. 

Sometimes you just have to pick people who are open to the same activities or able to afford similar trips. 

Be mindful that having someone admit they don’t have enough money or as much can be humiliating and embarrassing. If you all know what the issue is already don’t corner her or make her explain. Just be gracious about it and decline inviting her to further events and let this go.

I would never do that. It was our friend who had brought the most money who was grumpy and sat miserable, as she felt like our other friend took over (which she hadn’t)

[Wiseman2]

Step back and let the dust settle. Let her come to you when she cools down and figures herself out. 

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Erica_2 said:

I would never do that. It was our friend who had brought the most money who was grumpy and sat miserable, as she felt like our other friend took over (which she hadn’t)

There may be other info you’re not aware of. Don’t get involved and leave it the way it is. Anyone who wants to gossip about someone else just cut it short and change the topic.

[BrinnM]

I’m confused who’s who in the scenario, but it sounds like the friend who became “difficult” during the vacation might have felt threatened by the new person joining the group (the “friend of the friend”). Everybody seemed to have gotten along great, but the one friend felt left out for some reason, and then made everything about him/her. Maybe he/she is somebody who’s usually at the center of everybody’s attention, and then felt like the “new” person was taking his/her spot. Maybe the new  person got more attention, because she was likable, nice, and interesting? 
Sometimes people get jealous for the most ridiculous reasons. 

[Els]

I don't get why people will sit around and complain about a trip not being to their liking, rather than just go off on their own and do what they want. Unless you are in an extremely dangerous location (and it doesn't sound like it), there's no reason for everyone to need to be joined at the hip. I'd just have told your friend to go and do her own thing, if she's not happy.

As you are already home, just let it blow over IMO. Don't bring it up.

[MsJayne]

Sounds like maybe the new friend did take over a little. If you changed plans to accommodate her lower budget I could see why someone might get miffed. So what if New Friend had travelled to this place before, that doesn’t mean she gets to play travel guide and rearrange plans and expectations of holiday experiences. I’d say Miffed Friend probably got annoyed at how easily the other two of you let New Friend dictate. Personally, if I wanted to eat at a pricey restaurant I’d heard about but some blow-in holiday cheapskate manipulated everyone else into going to the $5 all-you-can-eat buffet again, I’d be super peeved too. I’m on Team Miffed Friend and I don’t blame her for striking some people off her travel companion list. She didn’t get what she signed up for, and your other friend invited a fourth person on your holiday without consulting others first, and that’s super rude and disrespectful. Also noted that New Friend invited herself on your holiday by putting Other Friend on the spot, what part of that pushy behaviour isn’t a red flag that she’s overbearing? Perhaps Miffed Friend is more observant than the other two of you and not so easily controlled.