Indecision, pride, distance

[Leonidas99]

Good morning, I'm Raul and I have many doubts about my last relationship, I'll go into context first

I was the partner of a girl for 6 years, there were very beautiful months and wonderful stages, but there were also very bad and difficult ones, I am 24 years old, so with her I went through many stages where I learned, in the first 4 years of the relationship It was very worn out because I didn't solve my trust problems and wanting something serious, that's where we left the relationship for about two months, she took the opportunity to go out with someone else and I felt replaced, I suffered a lot so much that I had to grow up and learn to treat her better and be more appreciative, it was like that, she went to therapy but that went very wrong, I had to go out on my own, until I looked for her, we talked about it and we came back, things improved, I was more understanding and the insults no longer returned .

Thus, until 6 months later, for work reasons, I neglected her again, I did not learn to stop being afraid to move forward, which was an important factor in the relationship, it was a coming and going for a year, until about 7 years ago. months, where we left the differences, we saw needs and we started the relationship again, I began to include her more in my family, I began to see the relationship in the future and I started daring more, I still had mistakes in relation to the fact that although I involved her with my family, I was not very involved with his and that affected him, I felt pressure because I felt that he already wanted to get married and that was an issue for me, although I wanted to advance in the relationship and I felt calm and loving, I was That question of moving forward, everything was going like this until there was a discussion that escalated a lot, to the point that I questioned the relationship, I told her that perhaps it was best to leave it, but I regretted it, I told her no, that I loved her, she showed her love and ended the argument and the defensiveness of both, I was still affected by what I had told her, so I began to question myself about going to the psychologist to be a better person and improve for her, until a week after I went to a party, where I drank a lot to the point of not being able to control myself or remember anything, I understood that I had done something but I didn't really know what, until a week later they sent her a video where I kissed a girl That destroyed her, to the point of calling me with rude insults, venting, etc., days later she went to see me because I didn't know how to face her with that, we argued, she told me how little of a man I was for deceiving her, that she was a great woman and that many would die for her, she also told me that I had to delete our intimate videos or she would sue me, I felt a lot of attack with all this, I consoled her and we had sex, after that I would go see her to tell her that I wanted to change and be a better person for her, but she no longer believed me, she said she wanted to go back but she felt she shouldn't, if she did it wouldn't be worth it, I went to see her for the last time two months ago until I noticed such indifference that I no longer wanted anything very determined, it was hurtful as if she didn't care about losing me and I left, let's stop talking for a month until I looked for her, she showed a lot of confidence in me, she was still defensive and very sure not to return, I told her I just wanted to regain her trust, I brought her flowers, followed by this she sent me a message saying that she did not want me to look for her again in life, not by message or in person or anything, it hurt me because I was thinking of going to see her again and keep trying, so I left it that way, days later she looked for me again to tell me that if I had understood and I said yes, now I thought about it and I just wanted a goodbye, followed by this she got out of control and hung up on me Until later, she told me again that if we could talk, undecided whether to talk or not, I talked to her, that's where the most difficult thing started so far, indecision, she told me that she didn't want to go back but she wasn't sure, I began to show my changes in my therapy, for this I began to improve a lot, accept myself, improve fears of commitment or get involved in more serious relationships, I asked her to go out, to see us, and she always became indecisive until in the end she rejected my request, I started talking to her, until one day she got very loose with me, she told me that she was very afraid, she felt very alone and hurt, that the barrier was not for me but to protect herself, that the relationship had not only ended because of the infidelity if not because I was sometimes not attentive, I was indifferent and not very detailed (I was finishing the last semester of uni and many times I did not give him his space) also that apparently someone else had taken advantage of his feelings and confidence, with this I understood that perhaps she had been with someone else and it hurt again but I accepted that this was a solution to fill her void, we continued talking with confidence, nostalgia, she told me that she felt a connection with me and she missed me as a boyfriend , so until the next day, that I answer more