Wiseman2 Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 1 hour ago, justaskingok said: I feel pretty ok with my actions. It's his reaction I'm so more wondering about. His reaction is directly related to your actions so try to see both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 23, 2023 Author Share Posted July 23, 2023 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: And you really don't understand how this experience could make a guy react negatively? I understand that experience. I don't understand feeling mad and causing a fight over someone sleeping in the next room just because you didn't want to sleep alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 1 hour ago, justaskingok said: I don't understand feeling mad and causing a fight How did a fight ensue over this? Your threads indicate you might lack some social cues and skills, so I am wondering how much your own behaviour and responses play into the combattive energy that seems to follow you. 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 2 hours ago, justaskingok said: I don't understand feeling mad and causing a fight over someone sleeping in the next room just because you didn't want to sleep alone. You're wording this as if you had a fight over a simple request with explanation. But what actually happened is you disappeared without a word, in the middle of the night, into another room. And to be clear, this wasn't about him not wanting to sleep alone, it was about wanting to sleep with YOU. Fact is, when a lover or partner invites you to stay, it's expected that you will sleep together. When you go to someone's house and change the expected dynamic without even a discussion, it's rude. And to add insult to injury, the way you described expecting him to do the extra linen washing sounded very entitled. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 10 hours ago, justaskingok said: My ex never told me why it was such a big deal to him. Because what you do is insensitive. You're focused on what you need and have no thoughts for your partner. Zero thought. You don't communicate with them, don't warn them. You just leave them on their own to figure it out, just like the ex who ran down the street looking for you, you were so focussed on you that you didn't think of leaving him a note. This current guy same thing, you have no kindness toward him like warn him ahead of time and reassure him you're not leaving the room because of him. 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 (edited) As was said above, the problem isn’t really that you slept in another room or the logistics of the extra laundry that he will now have to clean. He was frustrated and angry about the lack of consideration and lack of communication… You could have headed this off by letting him know that you have difficulty sleeping, but you didn’t show him that consideration. You struggle even now to understand why he would be unhappy - expecting that you will sleep beside him only to find you not there is the morning. Edited July 23, 2023 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 13 hours ago, BrinnM said: I don’t think that would make a difference in that particular case …. He’d still be offended. If, like OP says, the guy “got upset about her going to bed with them, and then waking up and she’s sleeping in the next room”, why would he be less upset about her going home in the middle of the night? She would not be there for the loud display. I think it's generally acceptable for people who are just having a casual hookup to go home after. It would be appropriate to say goodbye. Obviously this guy wants something different from that but the OP doesn't. "Situationship" fail. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 I'm still not convinced that he was as upset as you are trying to make it out to be. For argument sake that he was, I think you do a lot of these things full knowing drama will ensure. It's clearly evident with your threads. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 23, 2023 Author Share Posted July 23, 2023 I ended up talking to him this morning after ignoring his calls and trxt and he apologized. I told him not to ever raise his voice at me again..we are going out for dinner to figure it out and talk in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 19 hours ago, justaskingok said: I didn't think it was such a big apparently for some people ot is. Personally for me it doesn't trigger anything in me. If this was me……. id be hurt thinking we were starting a relationship and you left the bed to sleep in the couch. ID be wondering WTF happened. I wouldn’t initiate any sort of anger response but I would be expecting an explanation why you did it. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 4 hours ago, justaskingok said: I ended up talking to him this morning after ignoring his calls and trxt and he apologized. I told him not to ever raise his voice at me again..we are going out for dinner to figure it out and talk in person. So it’s all his fault??? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 Ironically, this can help make a situationship guy like you more and want to date when he previously wasn’t a big fan of it. No, cuddling after sex with your situationship, FWB, whatever you choose to call it does NOT mean that the relationship is anything more than two friends having fun in bed with each other. It is just what you are comfortable with doing. If you feel the need to question why he would get so upset, then my take is that you're looking for something more than casual. If you just want straight up hookups then you'd not care what he thinks or feels after sex. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 6 hours ago, justaskingok said: I ended up talking to him this morning after ignoring his calls and trxt and he apologized. I told him not to ever raise his voice at me again..we are going out for dinner to figure it out and talk in person. Did you explain your own actions and apologise for the confusion caused? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: Did you explain your own actions and apologise for the confusion caused? I’m hoping that’s what’s going to happen when they talk. Because, if what has happened here is that OP finally decided to reply to his texts only to accept his apology… that’s not good. There is no excuse for yelling and you are right to set a boundary there - but you also owe him an explanation and an apology in return… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 6 hours ago, justaskingok said: ..we are going out for dinner to figure it out and talk in person. What more is there to figure out and discuss? This whole thing is being blown way out of proportion. I didn't read where you guys are in a relationship. Most men like a partner to be in the bed with them in the AM for morning sex; so it doesn't surprise me that he was disappointed you slept elsewhere after sex the first time. I doubt it was for cuddling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 6 hours ago, justaskingok said: ..we are going out for dinner to figure it out and talk in person. You don't have to stick around if you don't want to but notify people you're leaving. He was rude as well. Hopefully you found a match and things work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 23, 2023 Author Share Posted July 23, 2023 No i didnt apologize to him because i dont feel like I owe him an apology. Going to the next room because i couldnt rest and needed my own space doesn't warrant an apology, and I don't deserve to be yelled at for that. I told him it's not an unusual thing for me to get up and sleep elsewhere for the reasons ive stated before. I told him not take it personal. I acknowledged his feelings though. he doesn't like sleeping alone.....that's the only reason, he didn't tell me anything else. I asked him why....he said he doesn't know that's just how he is, it feels good waking up next to someone. If sleeping alone sparks negative feelings in him he needs to figure that out for himself. I'm not obligated to stay in bed with him, im sure theres another girl whose willing to fulfill that need. This turned me off from him a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 (edited) The only people I know who have long term spare rooms are those are young couples who've bought a home which will fit a child or two....or empty nesters. How do you manage when there's no other bed for you to go to? Edited July 23, 2023 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 11 minutes ago, justaskingok said: . I'm not obligated to stay in bed with him, That's true. You're incompatible. It's good you set him free. It's pointless debating whether separate bedrooms etc is appropriate, romantic, whatever. You're not open to it and that makes you incompatible. There's plenty of guys who you can have sex with and just go home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kassieee Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 (edited) 14 minutes ago, basil67 said: The only people I know who have long term spare rooms are those are young couples who've bought a home which will fit a child or two....or empty nesters. How do you manage when there's no other bed for you to go to? My ex lived in a rented basement apartment and it had three bedrooms..... ive never seen or been in a place where there was only one bedroom. Anyways thanks everyone for the insight. I have a better understanding now, and will give a heads up to the next guy!!! Edited July 24, 2023 by justaskingok Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 19 minutes ago, justaskingok said: My ex lived in a rented basement apartment and it had three bedrooms..... ive never seen or been in a place where there was only one bedroom. Anyways thanks everyone for the insight. I have a better understanding now, and will give a heads up to the next guy!!! Ah, you must live in an area which has no high density housing and where accommodation is affordable enough that people don't need housemates to cover the rent. Living the dream! Link to post Share on other sites
Bue-aidez Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 On 7/23/2023 at 5:30 AM, justaskingok said: This is the second situationship where the guy got upset about me going to bed with them, and then waking up and I'm sleeping in the next room. Is that something to get upset over? Edit. The first guy I was in a relationship with. Considering that he's not the first guy to get upset, it's good that you're looking into it👌🏾 You said you toss and turn, and that's why you leave. I think it's better you talk to your partner about it before you guys sleep, so as not to have any misunderstandings. Also, you may even find solutions to it. You'll know from them why it would be hurtful to wake up and the person is in another room. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 (edited) This looks like a lot of game-playing to control the guy, OP. It seems to be less about the bed and much more about you engaging in some sort of silly power struggle. Edited July 24, 2023 by ExpatInItaly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 On 7/23/2023 at 1:25 AM, justaskingok said: I'm wondering if his reaction is out of line. Is it offensive? Mean? ...if someone chooses to sleep somewhere else. No, his reaction is normal. Disappearing in the night to sleep elsewhere is weird if they don't know the reason. You just need to let them know this happens before you hook up so they can decide if they are ok with it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 11 hours ago, justaskingok said: i dont feel like I owe him an apology. Going to the next room because i couldnt rest and needed my own space doesn't warrant an apology, It warrants an explanation though because it's so confusing to them. Link to post Share on other sites
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