Chloeflowers Posted July 23, 2023 Posted July 23, 2023 Awhile back I messaged a former coworker/or I guess acquaintance/ friend-I mean we hung out -outside of work a few times. I messaged her just asking how are you? then she responded, "I'm fine thanks." And that was that. Didn't carry on the conversation. Or didn't ask how I was doing. Whenever I reached out to other friends on fb, they would always carry on the conversation, and we went back and forth chatting. I don't know, the " i'm fine, thanks" seemed rather abrasive to me. Is that a cue she didn't want to message back?
basil67 Posted July 23, 2023 Posted July 23, 2023 Did you simply say "how are you?" Or was your message conversational in tone, including asking thoughtful questions about her life?
Wiseman2 Posted July 23, 2023 Posted July 23, 2023 25 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said: " And that was that. Didn't carry on the conversation. . Is that a cue she didn't want to message back? Basically yes. Just step back. 1
Alpacalia Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 You can respond with a simple "okay" or no reply at all. This allows her to know that you received her message and that you're not upset or angry. It also gives her an opening to continue the conversation with you if she wants.
Author Chloeflowers Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Basically yes. Just step back. That's what I figured , she didn't want to talk.
Bue-aidez Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 3 hours ago, Chloeflowers said: Awhile back I messaged a former coworker/or I guess acquaintance/ friend-I mean we hung out -outside of work a few times. I messaged her just asking how are you? then she responded, "I'm fine thanks." And that was that. Didn't carry on the conversation. Or didn't ask how I was doing. Whenever I reached out to other friends on fb, they would always carry on the conversation, and we went back and forth chatting. I don't know, the " i'm fine, thanks" seemed rather abrasive to me. Is that a cue she didn't want to message back? Is that how you guys normally used to talk, where you always carried the conversation? Or she used to be more conversational? Also, what if she was just having a bad day? You can continue the conversation and see whether she wants to talk or not. It's hard to tell with just one statement
NuevoYorko Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 Is this perhaps the friend that you decided not to refer for a job where you work? 4
Author Chloeflowers Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 6 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Is this perhaps the friend that you decided not to refer for a job where you work? No, different friend
ShyViolet Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 Honestly, you didn't carry on the conversation either with that generic text. If you truly wanted to have a conversation you could have said something more. 1
basil67 Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Honestly, you didn't carry on the conversation either with that generic text. If you truly wanted to have a conversation you could have said something more. Indeed. Was your initial text as brief as you described? If so, it really didn't warrant an answer. With interpersonal relationships, it's wise to put in the amount of effort which you hope to receive in return 1
Author Chloeflowers Posted July 24, 2023 Author Posted July 24, 2023 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Honestly, you didn't carry on the conversation either with that generic text. If you truly wanted to have a conversation you could have said something more. Usually when I ask people "how are you"? They carry on a conversation not a sudden blunt answer. Also. I asked her awhile back, I asked her how her vacation was, and she simply replied, "FINE." Usually people are receptive when asked about their vacations since they love to talk about that, but no. Since then I stopped asking about vacations. If you think that was generic, then give me an example of what you would say? I'm not going to write a one page novel about my life and in return she will write a novel about her life. Tell me, do you have better solution ? I would love to hear it
basil67 Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said: Usually when I ask people "how are you"? They carry on a conversation not a sudden blunt answer. Also. I asked her awhile back, I asked her how her vacation was, and she simply replied, "FINE." Usually people are receptive when asked about their vacations since they love to talk about that, but no. Since then I stopped asking about vacations. If you think that was generic, then give me an example of what you would say? I'm not going to write a one page novel about my life and in return she will write a novel about her life. Tell me, do you have better solution ? I would love to hear it "How are you?" is a greeting, not a question. In face to face interaction it would go something like Chloe "Hi friend, how are you? Friend "I'm great, how are you? Chloe "I'm good too". So what have you been up to lately? Are you still doing/working at [ ]? Friend [conversation continues] However, if you want to establish conversation over text, you need a few sentences. "Hey [name], I've been thinking about you lately. How's things? Are you still doing the [sport/hobby/whatever]? I'd love to catch up. That said, her responding FINE to you about her vacation indicates that she's not interested in maintaining a friendship. I'm not sure the logic behind her responding at all. It would be almost kinder to leave you on read. Delete this contact Edited July 24, 2023 by basil67 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 24, 2023 Posted July 24, 2023 17 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said: . I asked her awhile back, I asked her how her vacation was, and she simply replied, "FINE." This acquaintance isn't really interested in building a friendship. Just step back. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 6 hours ago, Chloeflowers said: I asked her how her vacation was, and she simply replied, "FINE." For whatever reason, it's pretty clear that she isn't interesting in chatting. I would stop sending her messages. 1 1
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