JTSW Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 (edited) 12 minutes ago, CrushedOnIce said: You might be right that I’m acting immaturely about this. But fwiw most of the other posters see it differently. So are we all immature and need to get a grip? Or is it just me? This is not about the other posters. This is about you. Don't take offence. Talk to her about it and express how it bothers you. Yes, I think you are being immature about it, that's my opinion. You said yourself that you are creating stories and scenarios in your head that will just make it worse. Communicate your issues with her. Edited July 26, 2023 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrushedOnIce Posted July 26, 2023 Author Share Posted July 26, 2023 29 minutes ago, JTSW said: This is not about the other posters. This is about you. Don't take offence. Talk to her about it and express how it bothers you. Yes, I think you are being immature about it, that's my opinion. You said yourself that you are creating stories and scenarios in your head that will just make it worse. Communicate your issues with her. Thank you, sincerely. I’m just curious, are you a man or a woman? And have you ever been in a similar situation? Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 (edited) 14 minutes ago, CrushedOnIce said: Thank you, sincerely. I’m just curious, are you a man or a woman? And have you ever been in a similar situation? Cheers I'm a woman. Been in situations in the past regarding my husbands ex. My best friend though got married a year ago to a man that had his ex wife's name tattooed on him. She told him straight that she didn't really like it and he had it changed into something else. He said it's just a bit of ink that no longer had any meaning to him so he was happy to cover it. Edited July 26, 2023 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 5 hours ago, CrushedOnIce said: She is aged 36. Actually, she does have children with another man. How long ago did she get the tattoo? How long have you been dating? Either you can deal with it or you can't. You'll have to ask her the history of it rather than spinning tales of "property" and so on. Maybe she was 18 and drunk or dared to do it. Who knows? Simply ask about the history of it. Most tattoos have some sort of story to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 4 hours ago, CrushedOnIce said: You might be right that I’m acting immaturely about this. But fwiw most of the other posters see it differently. So are we all immature and need to get a grip? Or is it just me? What is her attitude toward this tattoo? Is she proud of it? Does she want it gone? How long she dated this man? How long ago was that? Was it before or after having her children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 @Wiseman2sorry l posted the same questions, l suspect l somehow skipped reading the last page of this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrushedOnIce Posted July 26, 2023 Author Share Posted July 26, 2023 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What is her attitude toward this tattoo? Is she proud of it? Does she want it gone? How long she dated this man? How long ago was that? Was it before or after having her children? I think it was after having children, not with the father, probably aged around 34. I don’t think they were together long but I don’t know all the details. I haven’t asked her about her attitude towards it, we haven’t really discussed it as I mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 @CrushedOnIce: is it her only tattoo? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 6 minutes ago, CrushedOnIce said: I haven’t asked her about her attitude towards it, we haven’t really discussed it as I mentioned. What's stopping you from asking her about it? If you keep bottling this up it's going to drive you crazy. You need communication in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrushedOnIce Posted July 26, 2023 Author Share Posted July 26, 2023 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: @CrushedOnIce: is it her only tattoo? Yes it is her only tattoo on her entire body, which for some reason makes me even more uncomfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 2 minutes ago, CrushedOnIce said: Yes it is her only tattoo on her entire body, which for some reason makes me even more uncomfortable. Oh goodness!! So back to bad decision making! She doesn't chose to have her children's name put on her, or their b'date, nooooo she choses the name of some joe blow she briefly dated....and not at 18 years old, she does that in her mid 30s. No it's not you the problem. Time to talk to her about this tattoo and let her talk about it freely and listen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 16 minutes ago, CrushedOnIce said: I think it was after having children, not with the father, probably aged around 34. I don’t think they were together long but I don’t know all the details How long have you been dating? You don't seem to know much about her as a person. If you are sleeping together, it's ok to get to know her a bit,such as her situation with her child's father and what the actual history of this tattoo is. It may help to quell some of your anxiety about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 (edited) I don’t think many men would put up with this. Not only is it a tattoo that reminds her of another man who she was so in love with (briefly, unfortunately) that she almost felt like she was his “possession”, it’s also in a very private spot. How do you not feel like her ex’s name is jumping right in your face every time you engage in sex in a certain position, or when she takes a shower, or when she gets dressed/undressed while you’re standing right behind her? Yes, I would tell her to have it removed. Money is not an excuse. She had enough money to get the butt tat, after all. And yes, like @Wiseman2said - you don’t seem to know much about her at all. Is she actually your GF? Do you guys both agree you’re actually in a relationship? Edited July 26, 2023 by BrinnM 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrushedOnIce Posted July 26, 2023 Author Share Posted July 26, 2023 (edited) 15 minutes ago, BrinnM said: I don’t think many men would put up with this. Not only is it a tattoo that reminds her of another man who she was so in love with (briefly, unfortunately) that she almost felt like she was his “possession”, it’s also in a very private spot. How do you not feel like her ex’s name is jumping right in your face every time you engage in sex in a certain position, or when she takes a shower, or when she gets dressed/undressed while you’re standing right behind her? Yes, I would tell her to have it removed. Money is not an excuse. She had enough money to get the butt tat, after all. And yes, like @Wiseman2said - you don’t seem to know much about her at all. Is she actually your GF? Do you guys both agree you’re actually in a relationship? Thanks for your input. I do know a fair bit about her I feel. It’s not the father’s name on the tattoo, it is someone she dated after. There have been a fair few red flags, but I am not perfect either and I have my issues. Yes I can say we are “officially” in a relationship now for the last few weeks and before that “dating”. I’ve been staying at her place actually. Edited July 26, 2023 by CrushedOnIce Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 Debating this is pointless. Communicate with her how this is upsetting for you. Because at the end of the day you're either okay with her past choices or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 It would bother me if I were you. Unless down the line if you both become even closer in a relationship as a Couple, She would wish to remove it. I think though the way you Feel, It could become a huge deal breaker because it would be hard to get past.😒 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 2 hours ago, CrushedOnIce said: I’ve been staying at her place actually. You've been dating 2 months and you already stay at her place, that supports my theory she's a bad decision maker.....are her children living with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 Dude you are making excuses for your lack of backbone and self respect. Anyone with the smallest amount of self respect would say, "hey, I'm troubled that the tattoo of this other guy is all over your butt." Part of what allows a relationship to build is the sense that you and only you are with this person in intimate moments. Anything--no matter how "silly"--that interferes with your ability to just focus on her is a serious issue. So you've got this all wrong. Secure people, confident guys, would object and probably leave her. It's insecure people--making up justifications--that wouldn't object to the tattoo. Confident and secure people insist on being treated with great respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 I think it's normal to be bothered by this. I also think you should have a conversation about her feelings about whether she might have it removed in the future. I also think that 2 months is too early to be making demands about changes to her body (I know you're not doing that, but it's come up in the comments). So those are my disjointed thoughts about the situation. Bottom line is that it doesn't matter if you're being immature or overly sensitive about it (I don't think you are). What matters is what you feel and whether those feelings might change over time. That's what you have to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 2 hours ago, CrushedOnIce said: I’ve been staying at her place actually. Why are you already living there? Where did you live before? It's ok if something bothers you but don't lap up her hospitality while secretly harboring resentment and disapproval. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 (edited) At your age, it's unlikely to find a girlfriend who doesn't have a romantic history and you chose to get involved with someone who chose to tattoo the name of her partner on her. I think getting a permanent tattoo of someone's name is a dumb idea sans a memorial but obviously, her ex didn't feel the same way...so, now it's her decision whether to cover it or removal or just leave it be. It's her body and her history. Tattoos are typically products of a temporary emotion. It might not mean anything to her now. Also it’s her body. You cannot tell her what to do with her body. [ ] Edited July 26, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 I would casually ask her if she plans on getting it covered up. If she says yes, that's a good sign. I could see why this would bother you. It's up to you whether it bothers you so much to stop seeing this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 4 hours ago, CrushedOnIce said: There have been a fair few red flags Such as? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 This is what you do...3 month anniversary, offer to have it tattooed over as a gift. She will probably jump at it. If not, dump her, because then you will know where her head is at...craycray. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 The bigger issue to me would seem to be that she felt it was okay to let you move in after two months of dating. Why did you agree to that especially considering your reservations about her tattoo? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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