Still living together, Are these signs our relationship could reconcile?

[Frank White]

Just now, JTSW said:

Maybe in the meantime you could tell her she doesn't need to do your laundry and grocery shoppng.

If you need to work on yourself then she has to stop doing those things for you.

I did, she insisted on it 

[basil67]

 

4 hours ago, Frank White said:

we have be been getting on much better since the 'break up' and I have made genuine steps. But I fear in her eyes it's too little too late and that maybe she has too much pride to go against her decision

Yeah, I said much the same to my ex husband.  (EX being the operative word)  I'd made it clear that I was unhappy in the marriage, but it wasn't until I separated that he started to make steps.  By then, it really was too little, too late.  Pride had nothing to do with my not wanting to give another chance - rather, it was about the fact that he didn't listen to me while there was still time to make things better.   By the time I called it quits, I was done

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Frank White said:

Right now I need to work on me and give space 

It's great you're taking care of your physical and mental health. If you believe shutting her out even more is good for her and your family, all you can do is see if that works.

[Frank White]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

It's great you're taking care of your physical and mental health. If you believe shutting her out even more is good for her and your family, all you can do is see if that works.

Come on now! Big difference between shutting out and giving space

To me, shutting out would be being cold and distant, which I'm certainly not

If I was a dumper I wouldn't want ex pushing for resolve 

[JTSW]

15 minutes ago, Frank White said:

I did, she insisted on it 

Then you need to be insistent too.

You obviously just like this attentiveness she is showing toward you.

[Frank White]

Just now, JTSW said:

.

You obviously just like this attentiveness she is showing toward you.

Of course I do, that's why I'm here today to figure out the sudden shift and little U turn signals

[JTSW]

7 minutes ago, Frank White said:

Of course I do, that's why I'm here today to figure out the sudden shift and little U turn signals

And that's why we have been telling you to talk to her because she is the only one who can give the definitive answers.

We can't give you those answers.

[Frank White]

29 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

Yeah, I said much the same to my ex husband.  (EX being the operative word)  I'd made it clear that I was unhappy in the marriage, but it wasn't until I separated that he started to make steps.  By then, it really was too little, too late.  Pride had nothing to do with my not wanting to give another chance - rather, it was about the fact that he didn't listen to me while there was still time to make things better.   By the time I called it quits, I was done

Thank you

Obviously everyones situation is different and I'm sure you didn't do a shift in the dynamics early in the break up 

It's a headf*** going from just civil to one day have positives coming at me.

Anyway time will tell

Edited July 27, 2023 by Frank White

[mark clemson]

So it sounds like you'd prefer you stick together.

Based on what you write, it sounds possible that she is rethinking separating. So, you might consider revisiting the separating question at some point when it seems opportune and she might be regretting her decision. The signs do seem to be there.

It also sounds possible she is stringing you along so you don't pull the economic rug out from under her, as some have mentioned above.

If/when you broach the question with her, suggest you set your expectations accordingly.

In a way it sounds like you hit a point where the problems in the relationship became so significant that she "declared" an end to it, but never really detached and so it's de facto more like a backing off/cooling down sort of thing. So, if you do get back together (as a couple, not "just" roommate co-parents) suggest you strongly consider couple's therapy, as it sounds like there is difficulty communicating about issues, and it can sometimes help to have a "referee" when navigating difficult conversations.

It also seems like a very low-sex relationship? If you go to therapy, remember that you'll be happier if you can reach a compromise where both your needs are being met to a reasonable extent.  There is a tendency for women to have lower sex drive, but for many folks (not all) I believe that too infrequent sex ultimately starts to reduce the couple's bond (on both sides) and become deleterious to the relationship. So, that could be one area to broach, among others.

[S2B]

9 hours ago, Frank White said:

In a nutshell, I'm trying to mentally let go and prepare for worst case scenario, in the hope that things get better. But as I say, signals having been appearing since I told her I accept her decision and stopped reaching out to try fix. 

I guess I'm trying to let time do its thing while I work on me 

So if/when you two separate - how do you expect she will support herself?

she needs to get to working full time!

whe needs a way to support herself.

have you encouraged her to work?

you can’t possibly know what her intentions are until she’s not reliant on you.

Edited July 27, 2023 by S2B