deano2 Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 I need your advice about something. I met this girl (25f) who is a fellow PhD student here at a large research university in the Pacific Northwest. We met and talked at a social event and she gave me her number without me asking for it. We then went out for boba tea for a first date and thought it went well, but I sent her a text after which she did not respond to. I was about to just give up on her, but she finally responded so I asked her to go to lunch yesterday, which went really well, we talked about all of the anime she's into and our research, among other things. This girl is one of the most intelligent people i've ever met. We were on the same flight back to Atlanta today and she gave me a hug before she went off to catch her connecting flight back to Baltimore, though I'm not sure if she actually likes me or not... I won't see her again until the semester starts in a month. I want to send her a text message just to see if she got home safely but I am scared that I will seem too pushy and that she won't respond because she doesn't like me. I wish I knew how she felt because I can't stop thinking about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 12 minutes ago, deano2 said: I want to send her a text message just to see if she got home safely but I am scared that I will seem too pushy and that she won't respond because she doesn't like me. I think that's fine. When you date, conduct becomes a sieve that sifts out individuals. If she appreciates your personality she remains while those who perceive you as ____ (needy, aloof, unengaging, tedious, unappealing, etc.) depart. It's not "is my texting her appropriate?", it's "what is it that comes naturally to me in this situation?" People who like who we are stay. You seem like a sweetheart. Enjoy! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 19 minutes ago, deano2 said: . I want to send her a text message just to see if she got home safely but I am scared Try not to let anxiety control you this much. You seem to hit it off and she gave you her contact info. Be polite and ask her how her flight was and some other small talk. Mention you look forward to seeing her next semester. If you hide in the shadows, ghosting her, she'll assume you don't like her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 She accepted your 2 invitations, that's all you need to keep in mind. Women expect men to lead a little at beginning, we want you to do and say nice things like *did you make it home safe*. Liking someone is a feeling that grows. She can't grow liking you if you're silent. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 You still have her cell number…right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author deano2 Posted July 27, 2023 Author Share Posted July 27, 2023 26 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: You still have her cell number…right? Yes, I do. I actually just sent her a message asking how she was doing and how her flight was. She hasn’t responded yet Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 I have a different take on this. In my opinion she hasn't showed any romantic interest, only as a friend. Granted there are not many details in your post to come to a solid conclusion, but I think she may only see you as friends. Plus she lives at least 2 plane rides away. That's quite a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 1 hour ago, JTSW said: I have a different take on this. In my opinion she hasn't showed any romantic interest, only as a friend. Granted there are not many details in your post to come to a solid conclusion, but I think she may only see you as friends. Plus she lives at least 2 plane rides away. That's quite a distance. The impression I got from OP was that they are both grad students at the same university who were probably at some orientation event. During school thry will be near each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 (edited) Feel free to keep on communicating as that is what cell numbers are for. However there isn't much evidence from your posts that she views you as much more than a friend. You can continue to talk though and if she does have romantic feelings for you than she will eventually agree to date Keep in mind though you both are part of a program where you will have a lot of work to do. She may actually not be that interested in getting involved with someone at this time. A lot of times when people just aren't that interested in dating in general it takes someone who really knocks their socks off for them to change their mind about it. Edited July 27, 2023 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 Another thing to keep in mind is that if she gave you her phone number without you even asking for it you might not be the only one she is giving her phone number to. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 49 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Another thing to keep in mind is that if she gave you her phone number without you even asking for it you might not be the only one she is giving her phone number to. Oh I see, you mean like men do? Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: Oh I see, you mean like men do? Lol. Yep. Women multidate just as much as men do. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 Since you’ve already contacted her let her respond and be prepared she’s not going to do so right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 27, 2023 Share Posted July 27, 2023 Switch your thinking here--with those soon-to-be-be PhD skills. You communicate based on what YOU feel. So you could have said her a text like, "great talking to you today. hope the plan didn't have any hassles or delays." If YOU enjoyed talking to her, that's what you say. Notice, that's all you're saying. You're not saying, I totally think you're amazing. You leave that part out and focus on the good time YOU had. You have room on a continuum to express your interest. Good time talking today. Hope plane ride was good .. Great time talking today ... or Wow, that was so much fun. I never knew you were so knowledgeable about X (conversation lunch topic). Hope plane is on time. So you CAN express your enthusiasm about meeting her. If she is equally enthusiastic she'll match your words and say she had an equally fabulous time. From there you can say look forward to seeing you in the fall. Enjoy the break. Oh, no need for the did you get home safely thing. She's got family and others who know of her schedule and when she's supposed to return. And let's say she didn't get home safely--what's the chance she'll respond? And---what would you do anyway? You're not in an intimate relationship where she tells you she should arrive home at 11:15 p.m. and she knows to text you to confirm that she did arrive then. Just express that you're looking forward to seeing her again. That way again you express your interest and then you can let her respond. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 On 7/27/2023 at 3:14 AM, deano2 said: I need your advice about something. [...] We [...] went out for boba tea for a first date and thought it went well, but I sent her a text after which she did not respond to. 1. She gave you her number out of the blue without even knowing you. Bold move. Or - as someone else said - it might be a habit of her. When she did, you should have said: Is it to get in touch when we're back for the semester or to hang out around here? Don't keep yourself from being bold when someone is being blunt. Like that, you'd avoid any misunderstanding. Maybe you said you like animes and she doesn't know anyone else who does and gave you her number to share stuff. We don't know. 2. You texted her, she didn't reply. Call!!! You know she was not working and not with family either. She was there supposedly just attending events/classes. 100% sure she had free time and no plans for it. She eventually answered because you went out on a "date". Did you ask her out on a date? Like: would you like to go on a date? Did you call it such? I guess not. Quote she finally responded so I asked her to go to lunch yesterday We were on the same flight back to Atlanta today and she gave me a hug So no contact during the flight? Rather only after you landed? She gave you a hug. I feel (and I was not there) as if there was no sexual tension while spending time with her. It seems like you're getting friend-zoned. No initiative from you. No goodbye kiss on the cheek. Nothing romantic. If you're into her, you need to at the very least hint at that. You're ending up like Jimmy Fallon with Nicole Kidman. She thought he was gay and gave up. Now, what should you do? Well, now it's tricky. I guess you kinda ruined your chances and you need to wait until when you're back to school. If you go on acting like a friend, chances are you'll remain friend-zoned. See, if you want to have chances with a girl, she might think of you as a potential partner. I'm excluding things that would rule you out (such as bad breath for instance). Make sure you're all fine and be bolder next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deano2 Posted July 29, 2023 Author Share Posted July 29, 2023 Hey all, I texted her on Wednesday and she hasn’t responded yet so I assume she’s not interested. I’m not going to bother with her anymore, I don’t want to seem desperate Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 4 minutes ago, deano2 said: I texted her on Wednesday and she hasn’t responded yet That's ok. Don't despair. Remember you're both on vacation. You'll see each other soon. Just pick it up where you left off once you're back on campus. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 8 minutes ago, deano2 said: Hey all, I texted her on Wednesday and she hasn’t responded yet so I assume she’s not interested. I’m not going to bother with her anymore, I don’t want to seem desperate She’s probably not interested but for the sake of the program and keeping things amicable during your schooling stay neutral and friendly when you see her again. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 On 7/29/2023 at 6:43 PM, deano2 said: I texted her on Wednesday and she hasn’t responded yet so I assume she’s not interested. I don't think she is romantically interested OP, I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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