Let's hang out. but No!

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

So, I worked with someone a long time ago. There was a bunch of ladies I worked with. I felt quite ostracised generally speaking around them, so when we all went our separate ways, I felt quite relieved! I felt a massive toxic heap lifted off of my shoulders. 

I recently bumped into one of them.  I generally try and keep my weight in control these days and whenever I'm in a relationship I tend to lose more weight ( I don't understand why ( in a relationship) but my appetite seems to disappear).

So recently I'm experiencing a break up and it's pretty intense. 

However,  I bumped into this lady. One of the old ladies I use to work with was HORRIBLE to me and when I bumped into her she asked me for a coffee which I politely declined ( did not feel comfortable) 

I bumped into another lady ( Katherine) that use to work with me only yesterday! She didn't recognise me at first, as ive lost a bit more weight, had a haircut and dyed my hair. Fair enough. She also said that she will text me to ask if I ever want me to come to her house with her and the other girls. 

I know for a fact, all the other girls keep in contact and hang out at this other woman's place.  They are regulars there. She said, "I will add you to the group chat".

I did not like this at all. And told her I can see her one-on-one but that I wasn't comfortable being in a big group. I saw her face drop a little, but felt right in my choice as I didn't feel comfortable with the others. Some I can see now and then and perhaps in the smallest of doses and some never again. I'm not even sure if I want to see this other lady, Katherine, ever again either. 

Ever since then, whenever 3I've posted anything on social media she's been liking my posts and pictures and even texting me. I have sent her a thumbs-up emoji but not much else. She even said " I told the others how amazing you look". I just respond with 👍 and move on. 

It's a very odd and uncomfortable feeling and I have no idea why she would be so keen " to hang out" why ANY of them would. Some of them made my experience so unpleasant, I almost want to say so. This sudden rush of " interest" from Katherine makes me feel like she's an old high school bully wanting to invite me to a reunion,  where as I just want to remove myself from them entirely.

Why do people do this? Perhaps I see the world in two colours, black and white, but I don't understand why someone who would look down on you only to want to try to invite them to their cool club at their fancy three-million-dollar home. 

Am I right to fully remove myself from them entirely? It makes me feel nauciously uncomfortable.  

Edited July 28, 2023 by Daisy-oliviaWentcher

[Alpacalia]

Maybe Katherine and the rest of them are just feeling guilty about how they treated you back then. Or maybe they're just trying to make themselves look good by pretending to be nice to you now.

Who cares what they're thinking, right? It's not like you owe them anything.

You don't have to deal with them if they were mean to you or hated you for some reason.

[basil67]

 

2 hours ago, Daisy-oliviaWentcher said:

Why do people do this? Perhaps I see the world in two colours, black and white, but I don't understand why someone who would look down on you only to want to try to invite them to their cool club at their fancy three-million-dollar home. 

You don't write anything about Katherine being awful to you at work, so I'd say she invited you in good faith. Because she thought you'd want to catch up with the others.  Perhaps she didn't realise what was going on with the other workmate(s)?   

What has Katherine said or done to make you say that she looks down on you?   And I do have to say that you denigrating her on the basis of her expensive home is not a good look.  Honestly, with snide comments like this, I wonder if some of your own behaviour with workmates was questionable and the relationship was toxic from both ends.

 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Daisy-oliviaWentcher said:

 I'm experiencing a break up and it's pretty intense. 

If you think they're catty or annoying, why bother with anything more than staying in touch as acquaintances? Reset your social media so that you can have different groups of people have different access to your content. 

Focus on your own health and fitness. You don't have to share that with mere acquaintances. 

Focus on getting through your breakup. You also don't have to share with superficial friends.

Try to stay in touch with trusted friends and family as far as important and sensitive issues. 

[glows]

Yes, just mute them or take them off your social media feed and turn off any notifications. This is if you’re not keen on deleting and blocking however I strongly support the block.

There seems to be an overemphasis on looks which is ridiculous and shallow. If you don’t relate, move on from these people.

And yes there will be all manner of reasons for people to want to reach out whether to satisfy their agendas or desires or just plain operating on base impulse. If it’s not for you, move on.

[ShyViolet]

If you don't want to stay in touch with or be friends with former co-workers then don't.  Of course you aren't obligated to do anything you don't want to do.  Just politely decline and move on.  No need to be overdramatic about it or dwell on it.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

I am seeing a few reasons here.  One:  They feel bad about everything and wish to now include you.  Maybe they found their Hearts of Gold as they got Old. Or could be, Number Two, To embarrass you in the group with the girls.  As Far as  FB Goes, Block whoever so they can't comment  nor Like.😑