Johnnyflowers Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 (edited) Hi my GF and I are a little older 40+. We live together. She has facebook. Doesn't do much posting on it. She uses it multiple times through the day though to look at feeds, friends kids, etc etc. I have no issue with any of that. When we first met (3 years ago) I noticed she did NOT have a profile picture of herself. Her profile picture was of a lake or stream. I thought that was cool that she was private and not wanting to put her picture on her profile. I'm the same way. She does post some pictures of herself in her feed every three months or so. Never alone though it is usually a group photo with her in it from a graduation, trip to California (that we went on together etc). I have a profile too and don't have a profile picture of me either. I don't use facebook much. Suddenly the other day I noticed she posted a face picture of herself for her profile picture. I was kind of surprised that she did that. As I thought about I began to wonder why she would do that. I mean her friends all know who she is and she does have recent pictures of herself in her feeds. So I was confused why suddenly she wanted to put her face on her profile? Like I wrote, since I met her she never had a profile picture of herself. I'm a little suspicous. Do you think this is innocent or could there be something behind it? I mean the profile picture is usually for people searching for you so they can find the right person. I admit I'm not into social media and not good at it, so curious for everyone's thoughts on this. Is it innocent or is she trying to advertise herself to meet someone possibly? I did ask her why she did it and she said she put it on there because she is not posting political stuff anymore. I guess meaning she had one on there before she met me and then took it off to post political stuff and now felt a need to put it back on? Then she said, should I take it down? I can post a picture of us. Huh? Why the cover up now? If she wanted to post a picture of her and I she would have done that. I'm confused. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Well next day she deleted it and didn't put a picture of us up there. Hmm. Edited July 28, 2023 by Johnnyflowers Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 How is your relationship in general? Any trust issues? If you're happy together I wouldn't worry too much, but if there's problems then yes, maybe you should question it. Has she recently changed her appearance, lost weight, hair cut, new clothes, or any other signs she's working on self-improvement? That's often an indicator that a person is casting their net into the online dating pool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnnyflowers Posted July 28, 2023 Author Share Posted July 28, 2023 (edited) MsJayne. Relationship is great for the most part. We've had some misunderstandings here and there but we work on those. Mostly very good is the relationship. She hasn't shown any other unusual NEW behaviors. She has always been odd in some of the things she says or did but nothing bad. She is usually home, or grocery store, or goes places with me, or meets friends for lunch once a month. I always know where she is and what she is doing and she seems to have never lied to me. Edited July 28, 2023 by Johnnyflowers Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 2 minutes ago, Johnnyflowers said: MsJayne. Relationship is great for the most part. We've had some misunderstandings here and there but we work on those. Mostly very good is the relationship. She hasn't shown any other unusual behaviors. OK, I don't think I'd worry about it too much. It could be something as simple as just feeling like a change, there could be many reasonable explanations, but maybe you should ask her just to put your mind at rest. I think if she was up to something shady it's unlikely that she'd use something as public and obvious as Facebook. The time to worry is if she suddenly starts working late, or has out-of-routine reasons for being out of the house, or she starts chatting online or via text to people you've never heard of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the fact why her posting her photo - and given her explanation that she isn't posting political stuff- is a problem for you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 44 minutes ago, Johnnyflowers said: Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Yep, I think you are 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Johnnyflowers said: my GF and I are a little older 40+. We live together. I did ask her why she did it and she said she put it on there because she is not posting political stuff anymore. .Changing a pic on social media is not unusual. It certainly doesn't mean cheating or "advertising". You asked her and she told you so why don't you believe her? Maybe she is rethinking her social media presence to more personal subjects than political content? Edited July 28, 2023 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 28, 2023 Share Posted July 28, 2023 (edited) This is the third thread you've made about not trusting your wife over something trivial. Rather than being suspicious of your wife in this case, I think you need to turn the lens inwards and look at your own behaviour. This kind of micro analysis is not normal and will likely push her away. Did you exhibit this kind of behaviour with previous partners? Have you considered therapy? Edited July 28, 2023 by basil67 3 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 Did she ever get less suspicious about her cell phone? Does she still take it in the bathroom? Has she given you access to it? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 No, I don’t see any issue with it. The only question I’d reflect on is why you feel insecure about her posting a photo of just herself on social media. I’ve never met or dated anyone on social media - the idea is quite gross to me. Older generation here. Has she ever given you cause to question her loyalty? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 2 hours ago, Johnnyflowers said: I always know where she is and what she is doing and she seems to have never lied to me. What do you feel is causing this suspicion? Do you have your eye on someone or are you stepping out? Why is this coming up? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 I kept reading your post waiting for the point, the justification for your being "suspicious"... and there never was one. You are literally "suspicious" simply because she changed her facebook profile picture to a photo of herself? Are you serious? You are putting her under a microscope for absolutely no reason and looking for things to be "suspicious" about. You have insecurity issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 Posting photos is the default habit and behavior. Not posting is what is kinda strange. She might have liked the way she looked in profile. Might be some confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 Gonna agree here that being suspicious of this makes no sense UNLESS there is other stuff going on too. If there is nothing else going on that is more serious and worries you, then yes forget all about this. I quite honestly am not against keeping half an eye on one's partner just in case something happens. They are, after all, only human. However, it sounds like perhaps you have an "insecurity" issue if this alone is genuinely triggering you. Is it possible you were "betrayed" in the past? You could consider looking into this with a therapist if minor things like this are triggering you, to avoid it causing problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 29, 2023 Share Posted July 29, 2023 23 hours ago, basil67 said: This kind of micro analysis is not normal and will likely push her away. 👍 Absolutely 💯 Try to ease up. It must be exhausting for you and you can bet that it will push people away instead of bringing them closer. If this relationship was secure, then there wouldn't be a need to worry. However, if she has recently been spending more time away from you or has been talking less, then these changes could be a sign that she is looking for a way out of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 On 7/29/2023 at 1:25 AM, basil67 said: This is the third thread you've made about not trusting your wife over something trivial. Rather than being suspicious of your wife in this case, I think you need to turn the lens inwards and look at your own behaviour. This kind of micro analysis is not normal and will likely push her away. Bingo. What is really going on here, OP? This isn't an isolated episode for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Is her profile visible by friends only or by anyone? Locked/unlocked? If it's unlocked for everyone to see and putting a pic of herself, then yes, potentially open to meet new people, and the pic could attract interested people. Bad or good. You said she's posting pictures of you two together on Facebook, isn't she? Are those pics of you two together still there? Is her profile showing "in a relationship"? or "single"? or just empty about that? With both elements considered, you'd have your answers. If she's keeping it open. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 2, 2023 Share Posted August 2, 2023 (edited) Judging by your posting history, you have severe insecurities and paranoia over nothing. No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with putting a pic of herself on her profile. It's normal. I don't know if you have noticed, but millions and millions of ppl have a pic of themselves on their social media profiles. I have a pic of myself on mine and my husband would NEVER question me like you question this poor woman. You need to get a grip and get some individual counselling because she is going to eventually get fed up of you being like this. You are questioning every normal thing she does. I personally couldn't live with my partner scrutinising every normal thing I do. I'm honestly surprised your relationship has last this long. She deserves better. Edited August 2, 2023 by JTSW Link to post Share on other sites
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