Keeves1 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) Hey! Since the last time I've posted things have changed a lot. She will not move to her father's place to help him and not her mother. She will look for an apartment near her bestfriend. She will live with me until she has sorted that out. I have also been on a date with this girl called "Eline" since the last time I've posted on this forum. As written earlier, Maria needed time to think and since she will not move to her Father, then her "time to think" were progressing fast and it was some days ago that she came to me with her conclusion and we both decided to break up. I would not say that she did call the shot but I said earlier this year on april that we should not try to make it work anymore and should just break up. I'm not going to rant about my problems and her problems, because I know what I need to work on to be a better version of myself and so does she. We both care for each other and we are from now on going to be friends. When we had the talk, we summed up our relationship and came to an conclusion that we are not compatible for each other but you know it does not hurt to try! We both have done our best to try to make it work but at the end of the day it did not. The reason why we both wanted to try is because it is very possible for two people to stay together even if they are not compatible. I want to thank everyone who has been reading and commenting helpful tips to help me with past problems I had with Maria for the whole 3 years!! I want to assure you that it has not been ignored and has helped alot with solving the problem we both had. I've been on this forum for 3 years posting about my relationship with her despite my English being not perfect due to the language barrier. I hope this can serve as a lessons to that when people are incompatible it is very difficult to "try" to make it work. I might still post in this forum in the future but as of now I'm going to step away from it. I need time for myself as I've heartbroken. I've been with Maria for 3 years and I've fallen in love with her and her character. I did enjoy my time with her even if we were not meant for each other as a couple Peace out, Kevin ✌️ Edited July 30, 2023 by Keeves1 Correction on some mispelling Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 It’s always difficult when a relationship ends. Very sorry to hear this. You seem to be meeting new people which is great - reading this and a previous thread earlier this week. I’d wait until your ex is out of your home before dating anyone. What happens if you want to invite a new date over? Do you suspect it’ll go over well with a new person that your ex lives with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted July 30, 2023 Author Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) 18 minutes ago, glows said: I’d wait until your ex is out of your home before dating anyone. What happens if you want to invite a new date over? Do you suspect it’ll go over well with a new person that your ex lives with you? I think it would not look good at all for me when the person I’m dating sees that I still live with my ex. Considering that I’ll still get hurt by looking at Maria I would say to her that she needs to move out as fast as possible because then I’ll would stop hurting Edited July 30, 2023 by Keeves1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 11 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: I think it would not look good at all for me when the person I’m dating sees that I still live with my ex. Considering that I’ll still get hurt by looking at Maria I would say to her that she needs to move out as fast as possible because then I’ll would stop hurting Has Maria already moved in with you? She does have to leave asap. It was kind of you to offer but not good for you and your healing. I’d wait before dating anyone else right now. Why mess up something potentially good with someone new by still having your ex in the picture? Give this a bit more time. Yes, Maria does need to leave asap. I’d give a specific timeline. Tell her she has 1 week or 2 weeks max. This shouldn’t go on for weeks and weeks or months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Maybe it would be best for your ex to find other accommodations. The relationship is over, you owe her nothing and she shouldn't be obliged to live with you. I agree if she is there now, give her a week to find somewhere else to live. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) It hurts now but it's for the best. Take time to recover from this breakup. Too many men out there jumping right into dating after a breakup to fill the void. You don't need to have a woman in your life at all cost for the next 6 months. Edited July 30, 2023 by Gaeta 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 1 hour ago, Keeves1 said: I’ll still get hurt by looking at Maria I would say to her that she needs to move out as fast as possible because then I’ll would stop hurting Please let Maria live in her place comfortably until she can make appropriate moving arrangements. Please do not rush her to move out of her own place. Try to develop your sense of empathy and understanding of people such as not focusing on bringing dates back to your joint apt or thinking it's ok to rush her out for your own sake. You'll be able to move on in time, but please be considerate of her as a person too. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Can you clarify OP what is the actual living situation of Maria and have both of you been living together for the duration of your 3 year relationship? I skimmed your previous threads (there were several) and may have missed the details. From your initial post here in this thread it sounds as if you both were only dating and not living together, and you’re now doing her the favour of living with you for a short period of time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 Thanks everyone! Yeah I agree very much on everybody’s comment about not rushing her to move out and I’m not. I have given her a time of 2 weeks. She did actually find an apartment and has already signed the deal to secure it. She will get the keys today so this week I’ll help her out to move her stuff inside a shipping box I think 2 weeks time is more than enough considering that she already got an apartment. She may move out quicker than 2 weeks because as long as she has packed up everything then that would be our last goodbye Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 (edited) 9 hours ago, glows said: Can you clarify OP what is the actual living situation of Maria and have both of you been living together for the duration of your 3 year relationship? I skimmed your previous threads (there were several) and may have missed the details. From your initial post here in this thread it sounds as if you both were only dating and not living together, and you’re now doing her the favour of living with you for a short period of time. No worries, Glows! I can clarify We have lived with each other for 3 years even during the pandemic. I was the one who asked her to live with me and honestly it was after we’ve been together for like 2-3 months. Very early… I know but! at that time she was living with her grandmother but they were arguing and fighting alot so she told me she is not comfortable living at her place. It was then I’ll asked if she wanted to move in with me Edited July 31, 2023 by Keeves1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 (edited) Sooo you completely ignored advice about sorting things with Maria first (i'e getting her moved out, closure etc). I mentioned that bringing in someone new while Maria still lives with you would be hurtful to her. But you couldn't seem to wait and jumped into another date while Maria wasn't even out the door yet. What's the rush? I'm assuming Eline is 'Josephine'. Edited July 31, 2023 by JTSW Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 8 hours ago, Keeves1 said: Yeah I agree very much on everybody’s comment about not rushing her to move out and I’m not. I have given her a time of 2 weeks. That's it? And you say you're not rushing her lol. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 10 hours ago, Keeves1 said: She did actually find an apartment and has already signed the deal to secure it. She will get the keys today so this week I’ll help her out to move her stuff inside a shipping box I think 2 weeks time is more than enough considering that she already got an apartment. She may move out quicker than 2 weeks because as long as she has packed up everything then that would be our last goodbye That’s good. I’d put any idea about being friends on hold as that may not be realistic either - just in case this has come up. 10 hours ago, Keeves1 said: No worries, Glows! I can clarify We have lived with each other for 3 years even during the pandemic. I was the one who asked her to live with me and honestly it was after we’ve been together for like 2-3 months. Very early… I know but! at that time she was living with her grandmother but they were arguing and fighting alot so she told me she is not comfortable living at her place. It was then I’ll asked if she wanted to move in with me Thanks for clarifying. In that case Id amend what I said earlier as one to two weeks is not reasonable if you’ve shared an apartment together for three years. At least one month’s notice would have been more ideal. Since she’s already found a place, when is her move in date? It’s probably better to put any dating on hold until after she’s left. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 Going on dates before she's moved out is rubbing salt in the wound. Not nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 32 minutes ago, glows said: That’s good. I’d put any idea about being friends on hold as that may not be realistic either - just in case this has come up. Thanks for clarifying. In that case Id amend what I said earlier as one to two weeks is not reasonable if you’ve shared an apartment together for three years. At least one month’s notice would have been more ideal. Since she’s already found a place, when is her move in date? It’s probably better to put any dating on hold until after she’s left. Yeah two weeks might be a shorter time but we both agreed on that timeline. If she needs more time then I would of course give her the time she needs. She can move in already today in her new apartment but she won’t yet because we have to pack all her belongs in a box first We agreed to stay friends and that I could come and visit her sometimes. After she moves out I will still be in touch with her, but 1 time in one week because I want to give her space. Atleast that’s the plan Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keeves1 Posted July 31, 2023 Author Share Posted July 31, 2023 34 minutes ago, stillafool said: Going on dates before she's moved out is rubbing salt in the wound. Not nice. Yeah I’m laying flat for that. That is my bad Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 You really should not be dating anyone until your ex is out of your life. Not to mention that you haven't even informed this "Eline" that you are still living with your ex... honestly, that's an extremely scummy thing to do. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 I'm just putting this out there...any potential GF is not going to appreciate you hanging/staying friends with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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