babybrowns Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) Hello all, First, just to declare that this thread is about a new person whom I’ve not written about before. I met a guy at a party recently, who came along with a friend of mine. We are both in our 30’s. We got chatting and found out that we had a lot in common. I found him interesting and attractive. However upon consuming more alcohol, he proceeded to get quite flirty with me. I didn’t mind because I did find him interesting; I’m just a little shy when it comes to flirting back, and being sober (since I don’t drink much) I didn’t quite ‘match’ his level of flirtation. Nevertheless, at the end of the night he asked me out on a date for next week which I accepted, and we exchanged numbers. After I left the party, he texted me saying he would like to take me out for dinner next week, with a proposed day and venue. I agreed, with pleasure. He then proceeded to flirt with me over text that night too, which again I was receptive and playful to but perhaps didn’t quite match his level of forwardness. I did however say that I was looking forward to seeing him next week. I then wished him goodnight and he did the same, with a kiss. The next morning, he texted me to confess that he “got carried away last night with the alcohol, but that it was nice to meet me, and that he hopes I had a good night”. My heart sank a little at this and I didn’t know whether he meant that he didn’t actually mean to ask me out. But given we had already arranged the day and venue and all, I texted him to ask if we are still on for next week, and he replied “Yes- that would be nice if you’re still keen?!” I responded with the affirmative, saying it was lovely to meet him. However, that was our last communication- since then, there has been no text at all. I am a little concerned that all of this might have simply been a drunken impulse on his side and that he’ll end up pulling out of the date. Our scheduled date is 9 days away (he had wanted to meet me earlier but I’m actually going on a short vacation this week so couldn’t make it earlier). I am quite interested in this person, so I am wondering whether there’s anything I can do to keep him interested? Should I initiate some communication or should I leave it to him? He also asked me out for dinner so perhaps I should propose a drink to keep it more relaxed? Many thanks in advance everyone for your comments 💐 Edited July 30, 2023 by babybrowns 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 5 minutes ago, babybrowns said: I am quite interested in this person, so I am wondering whether there’s anything I can do to keep him interested? Should I initiate some communication or should I leave it to him? No! The best thing to do in this situation is to wait for him to contact you. Initiating communication in this case could make him uncomfortable and make him think that you are trying too hard, which could make him back away. You could do something subtle though. But keep it light and playful - don't make it desperate by asking him about the date. Just let him know that you're still interested without being demanding. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 6 minutes ago, babybrowns said: . Our scheduled date is 9 days away. I’m actually going on a short vacation this week so couldn’t make it earlier. He did follow up so all you can do is stay in light touch on vacation and see if the date materializes when you're back. Enjoy your vacation, keep in mind you're strangers, don't over text or try to build rapport through texting while on vacation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 28 minutes ago, babybrowns said: I am quite interested in this person, so I am wondering whether there’s anything I can do to keep him interested? Should I initiate some communication or should I leave it to him? No. You do not need to text between now and the planned date to “keep him interested.” You want to know if he’s still interested - wait and see if he follows up on the date. That will give you all the information that you need to know… 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Some people like the added text based conversations leading up to a date. Many do it, many do not. I don’t think you have to worry about his interest waning. And if it does who wants that anyway. You win either way - with someone interested in seeing you or having someone disinterested bugger off. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 I'm sorry you're feeling anxious about this. It's not worthwhile, though I know anxiety is generally beyond anyone's control. The bottom line is that if he intends to make this date, he will. If he doesn't, you will be disappointed. But it's really OK either way. You don't know him much and if he's the type of fellow who makes dates while drunk and doesn't keep them, it's for the best to be done with it before it goes anywhere. 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted July 30, 2023 Author Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) Thank you so much everyone for your help and support with this. I very much agree that on one hand, I need to leave this to him. The main point of worry for me is the relatively long time lag between him meeting me and this scheduled date. Given that we only met that one night, in a loud bar where we could hardly hear each other, I don’t know whether it’s viable for him to keep interest in a person whom he hardly knows and met while drunk for that long. I do feel like I should perhaps text him something light and playful in a few days just to ‘remind’ him of me, such as a picture of one of our many common interests which we spoke of or a meme that I come across about it. On the other hand, the last time we texted, when he was sober and a bit regretful of “getting carried away with alcohol”, he did confirm that he wanted to keep this date when I asked, so if he does want to cancel I like to think he’ll atleast let me know. He invited me to dinner at a nice restaurant which was kind of him, but due to the above I’m not sure if it’ll be more fitting for it to just be a more casual drink if his interest does start to dissipate before we see each other. Edited July 30, 2023 by babybrowns 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) 14 minutes ago, babybrowns said: The main point of worry for me is the relatively long time lag between him meeting me and this scheduled date. Don’t worry - be happy. Go on your vacation and have fun. If you must, send him a text that says “I’m leaving for my vacation now. Looking forward to seeing you when I return!” And then, go on your vacation and have fun! Think about it this way - you have something to look forward to when you return… You are not going to change the outcome if text him from before the planned date. If he intends to follow-up, he will follow-up. And he will let you know if he wants to meet for drinks or dinner. You don’t have to control that. Get out of your head and let this go… if you don’t it will ruin your vacation because rather than living in the moment, you are focused on something that may or may not happen in the future. Edited July 30, 2023 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 13 minutes ago, babybrowns said: I do feel like I should perhaps text him something light and playful in a few days just to ‘remind’ him of me, It's fine to stay in light touch while you're away, but if you have to "remind" a guy that you exist, is that worth pursuing? 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 If YOU are thinking of him and want to express that, I think that is perfectly fine. But not to keep yourself on the "radar." Your best bet is to just leave it to him. If he is really interested in getting to know you, he will make the effort to get back in touch with you and arrange the date. There’s no point in pushing it any further from your side at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Yeah, I wouldn’t text anything at this point, as it seems that the last text was from you to him, telling him it was lovely to meet him and all. But if you absolutely have to, which I can understand, as you’re very interested in actually meeting him again, you can text him a nice, touristy picture from your trip that’s not too “wordy”. Keep it light and simple. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 6 hours ago, babybrowns said: I am wondering whether there’s anything I can do to keep him interested? Should I initiate some communication or should I leave it to him? He also asked me out for dinner so perhaps I should propose a drink to keep it more relaxed? I'm generally in favour of women being assertive, but if you have to remind a guy that you exist, then he's not interested. Honestly, his text of "I got carried away...it was nice to meet you" sounds like a nice way of telling you that he was wearing beer goggles the night before. If he's interested, he will reach out. If he's not, then let it go. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 1 minute ago, basil67 said: I'm generally in favour of women being assertive, but if you have to remind a guy that you exist, then he's not interested. Honestly, his text of "I got carried away...it was nice to meet you" sounds like a nice way of telling you that he was wearing beer goggles the night before. If he's interested, he will reach out. If he's not, then let it go. [🤣🤣🤣 beer goggles!! Haven’t heard that one in a long time, love it!] I think if he didn’t want to go out with her, he would’ve just ghosted her instead of proactively reaching out and quasi-apologizing for his overindulging. But yeah, you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted July 30, 2023 Author Share Posted July 30, 2023 7 minutes ago, BrinnM said: [🤣🤣🤣 beer goggles!! Haven’t heard that one in a long time, love it!] I think if he didn’t want to go out with her, he would’ve just ghosted her instead of proactively reaching out and quasi-apologizing for his overindulging. But yeah, you never know. Yea this is it- after his realisation of his ‘beer goggles’ I texted him to ask if we were still on for the date, to which he replied with the affirmative and enthusiasm. I’m not sure he’d just say that if he didn’t want to go ahead with it? Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 5 minutes ago, babybrowns said: I’m not sure he’d just say that if he didn’t want to go ahead with it? That’s what I’m thinking. Or he could have also said something to the effect of he’ll need to double check the day and time first and whatnot. It’s texting, after all, which gives us enough time to find the right words. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 7 minutes ago, babybrowns said: after his realisation of his ‘beer goggles’ I texted him to ask if we were still on for the date, to which he replied with the affirmative and enthusiasm. I’m not sure he’d just say that if he didn’t want to go ahead with it? So then why are you worried - if he replied with the affirmative and enthusiasm? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 7 minutes ago, babybrowns said: Yea this is it- after his realisation of his ‘beer goggles’ I texted him to ask if we were still on for the date, to which he replied with the affirmative and enthusiasm. I’m not sure he’d just say that if he didn’t want to go ahead with it? But why would he send an "I'm sorry to waste your time" if he really wanted to take you out? At any rate, stop over analyzing and leave the ball in his court. If he's interested, you will hear from him again Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted July 30, 2023 Author Share Posted July 30, 2023 Just now, basil67 said: But why would he send an "I'm sorry to waste your time" if he really wanted to take you out? At any rate, stop over analyzing and leave the ball in his court. If he's interested, you will hear from him again But that is not what he said. And if it’s what he were at all implying, he would not put forward enthusiasm when I asked after that whether he still wanted to meet up. What my main concern is that, will the time lag going forward make him be less interested as time goes on Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 (edited) If he loses interest in a week, then he wasn't that interested to start with. And besides, if he's really interested, he will likely reach out to you in the interim. That said, if he's actively dating and seeing others, it's always possible that he'll click with someone else in the meantime. All in all, worrying about how it may go achieves nothing. C'est la vie Edited July 30, 2023 by basil67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 11 minutes ago, babybrowns said: .What my main concern is that, will the time lag going forward make him be less interested as time goes on Enjoy your vacation. You're not going to cancel it so there's not much you can do about the timeframe. Will he completely forget? Probably not if he followed up after the party. Try to relax and be confident. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babybrowns Posted July 30, 2023 Author Share Posted July 30, 2023 7 minutes ago, basil67 said: If he loses interest in a week, then he wasn't that interested to start with. And besides, if he's really interested, he will likely reach out to you in the interim. That said, if he's actively dating and seeing others, it's always possible that he'll click with someone else in the meantime. All in all, worrying about how it may go achieves nothing. C'est la vie From my experience, when a guy is dating others at the same time, he tends to invite his many ladies to drinks rather than expensive dinners (or atleast to go Dutch with dinners if he wants to do multiple dinner dates with people- but he literally said he wanted to treat me to it). Where it currently stands, the last I heard from him in his sober state was that he is still keen and willing to see me for this date where he invited me to dinner at a top restaurant. It seems as though that ‘I got carried away’ message was sent in apology or embarrassment since I didn’t quite match his forwardness that night, but rather chose to accept his advances with grace and dignity and he likely felt quite cheap the morning after for it. If he does have a change of heart this week for whatever reason, let’s hope he’ll let me know! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Sounds like you've got it all sorted in your head now. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 Yes, that is true. Most don’t jump to a dinner date these days but some still do. See how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 37 minutes ago, babybrowns said: From my experience, when a guy is dating others at the same time, he tends to invite his many ladies to drinks rather than expensive dinners (or atleast to go Dutch with dinners if he wants to do multiple dinner dates with people- but he literally said he wanted to treat me to it). Yes. That is sometimes true. Don't worry about the location the guy is taking you to. It could be a restaurant he's always wanted to try out or his favorite spot. There could be several reasons he might choose this place - he might want to make up for the time he dropped the ball with being tipsy, he might have the financial resources to make it work, or he simply wishes to go there. Don't jump to conclusions that this is an obligation for you. Just do your thing girl and get busy living! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2023 Share Posted July 31, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, babybrowns said: What my main concern is that, will the time lag going forward make him be less interested as time goes on No. I have a coworker who met and started dating a man just before she left for a SIX MONTH stay in Australia. He waited. They have been married for 35 years… He even went for dinner with her parents - alone - having never met them before… because he was interested. Surely this guy can wait nine days… If he doesn’t, he is not interested. Edited July 31, 2023 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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