Asked me out when drunk- will it happen?

[basil67]

Before you get too excited, remember that it was drunk him who you were attracted to.  And it was drunk him who was interested in you.   And it was drunk him who offered a restaurant dinner. 

I urge you to consider the possibility that you may find sober him very boring. Or that he only talks about himself.  Or that he's a complainer...or any other possibility.   And sober him may regret having invited you to a nice dinner instead of coffee.  And sober him may not like you as much either.  I'm not saying that it can't work, but don't get your hopes up until you've met the real him properly.  If that meetup goes well, then you'll be onto something

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, babybrowns said:

From my experience, when a guy is dating others at the same time, he tends to invite his many ladies to drinks rather than expensive dinners

Are you hoping he doesn't meet someone while you're away? If that's the case, that's ok if he at least keeps his plans with you. You could meet someone on your vacation as well.

As long as he keeps the date or at least when you tell him when you're coming back and will be available, he'll either suggest a time or not. 

[NuevoYorko]

You really need to get a hold of yourself.  WHY are you "worried" at all?  Why are you invested in whether his interest is going to be sustained long enough to bother with this date?  YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM.  HE IS NOTHING TO YOU.  

I get that you felt attracted to him but girl, it was in a bar and he was drunk.  You need to be comfortable with the possibility that this is going nowhere.  

I mean really comfortable.  It's going to happen or it isn't.   There's a big chance you won't be interested him "in real life" either. 

Be capable of taking things as they come.  You have no control over this situation.  

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, babybrowns said:

,I texted him to ask if we are still on for next week, and he replied “Yes- that would be nice .

This was his last communication?  Hopefully he'll follow up but he may have regretted things the next day since he didn't bring it up until you texted him to ask.

[Bue-aidez]

11 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Hello all,

First, just to declare that this thread is about a new person whom I’ve not written about before.

I met a guy at a party recently, who came along with a friend of mine. We are both in our 30’s. We got chatting and found out that we had a lot in common. I found him interesting and attractive.

However upon consuming more alcohol, he proceeded to get quite flirty with me. I didn’t mind because I did find him interesting; I’m just a little shy when it comes to flirting back, and being sober (since I don’t drink much) I didn’t quite ‘match’ his level of flirtation. Nevertheless, at the end of the night he asked me out on a date for next week which I accepted, and we exchanged numbers. 

After I left the party, he texted me saying he would like to take me out for dinner next week, with a proposed day and venue. I agreed, with pleasure. He then proceeded to flirt with me over text that night too, which again I was receptive and playful to but perhaps didn’t quite match his level of forwardness. I did however say that I was looking forward to seeing him next week. I then wished him goodnight and he did the same, with a kiss.

The next morning, he texted me to confess that he “got carried away last night with the alcohol, but that it was nice to meet me, and that he hopes I had a good night”. My heart sank a little at this and I didn’t know whether he meant that he didn’t actually mean to ask me out. But given we had already arranged the day and venue and all, I texted him to ask if we are still on for next week, and he replied “Yes- that would be nice if you’re still keen?!” I responded with the affirmative, saying it was lovely to meet him.

However, that was our last communication- since then, there has been no text at all. I am a little concerned that all of this might have simply been a drunken impulse on his side and that he’ll end up pulling out of the date. Our scheduled date is 9 days away (he had wanted to meet me earlier but I’m actually going on a short vacation this week so couldn’t make it earlier). I am quite interested in this person, so I am wondering whether there’s anything I can do to keep him interested? Should I initiate some communication or should I leave it to him? He also asked me out for dinner so perhaps I should propose a drink to keep it more relaxed?

Many thanks in advance everyone for your comments 💐 

I think if you waited and went for the dinner, then see if you're still interested in him and whether he is interested in you. Better if you're both sober because then it's real. 

[babybrowns]

Thank you everyone for your replies. At this party where he and I met, he was (progressively) drunk but I was sober throughout.

Therefore I was in a ‘real’ state to absorb what was happening and over the course of the evening that we were chatting, I could see that this man ticks a lot of boxes for me and what I’m looking for in a partner. Early days to say that ofcourse, but the first impressions were promising.

Not to mention that some of our goals,  values and ambitions align (he first said his rather than hearing mine so it wasn’t a ploy just to mirror what I said or anything). As he got more and more drunk though, he was getting a bit too close for comfort. I kept a polite distance, which might be what made him wake up feeling embarrassed. I like to think that he’s a decent man who reflected on his actions and realised he was overdoing it a little.

But given that I am genuinely interested in seeing him again, it is why yes I’m a little apprehensive as to whether this does materialise into us hanging out. The lack of communication from his end that’s been there since he woke up sober caused a bit of concern there.

But rather than being a young man who’s new to the world of alcohol, who just blurts things out when he’s drunk and then wakes up realising he meant none of it. He is a man in his 30s, with a decent career, own house, close to his parents and has intentions of starting a family of his own soon. He solidified dinner plans with me that night, albeit after I left the party, before we both went to bed. I like to think that even if he does ‘forget me a little’ during the time lag, that he would be open to meeting up with a nice girl whom he met again, if he’s genuinely looking for a partner.

Given that the last time we spoke, in his sober state he confirmed our date, I’ll wait a few more days before texting him something casual and light-hearted. Not to remind him of me as such but more to see ‘where this is at’. Thanks so much all for your advice and thoughts once again 💐 

[JTSW]

I think he is definitely interested.

His text the morning after was more like an apology because he may have thought he was a little over the top when he was drunk. 

But sounded happy that you were still interested in a date.

I don't see any harm in asking if he feels like going for a coffee in the meantime.

 

[Alpacalia]

BB please try not to get carried away. Your date isn't for nine days and for all you know he could be multi-dating other women during that time. Just try to stay a bit level headed here.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Thank you everyone for your replies. At this party where he and I met, he was (progressively) drunk but I was sober throughout.

Therefore I was in a ‘real’ state to absorb what was happening and over the course of the evening that we were chatting, I could see that this man ticks a lot of boxes for me and what I’m looking for in a partner. Early days to say that ofcourse, but the first impressions were promising.

Not to mention that some of our goals,  values and ambitions align (he first said his rather than hearing mine so it wasn’t a ploy just to mirror what I said or anything). As he got more and more drunk though, he was getting a bit too close for comfort. I kept a polite distance, which might be what made him wake up feeling embarrassed. I like to think that he’s a decent man who reflected on his actions and realised he was overdoing it a little.

But given that I am genuinely interested in seeing him again, it is why yes I’m a little apprehensive as to whether this does materialise into us hanging out. The lack of communication from his end that’s been there since he woke up sober caused a bit of concern there.

But rather than being a young man who’s new to the world of alcohol, who just blurts things out when he’s drunk and then wakes up realising he meant none of it. He is a man in his 30s, with a decent career, own house, close to his parents and has intentions of starting a family of his own soon. He solidified dinner plans with me that night, albeit after I left the party, before we both went to bed. I like to think that even if he does ‘forget me a little’ during the time lag, that he would be open to meeting up with a nice girl whom he met again, if he’s genuinely looking for a partner.

Given that the last time we spoke, in his sober state he confirmed our date, I’ll wait a few more days before texting him something casual and light-hearted. Not to remind him of me as such but more to see ‘where this is at’. Thanks so much all for your advice and thoughts once again 💐 

This is getting silly.  You have just invented a whole personality for a drunk guy who you barely know. This is seriously putting the cart before the horse.  The only thing you know about him for sure is that he got drunk and hit on you. 

I'm not surprised there's been a lack of communication from his end since he woke up sober.   Sober him doesn't know you from a bar of soap - and he'd be foolish to put much thought into it before meeting you again.

Edited July 31, 2023 by basil67

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Given that the last time we spoke, in his sober state he confirmed our date, I’ll wait a few more days before texting him something casual and light-hearted. Not to remind him of me as such but more to see ‘where this is at’.

There is nothing men like more than texts from women they do not know asking what their intentions are before they even go on a date…

OP, you are heading down the same path here - creating your own story about this man, setting unrealistic expectations for which you with soon become upset that he does not meet… (You are already starting to do that by implying that he has not communicated with you since the first meet). Wash, rinse, repeat. 

You can not control this and the more that you try, the more likely it is to fail. Go on your vacation and forget about him until you get back. 

Edited July 31, 2023 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You have just invented a whole personality for a drunk guy who you barely know.

Indeed, he checks all the boxes except - he may have a problem with alcohol. Seriously OP, you are doing your assessment of a possible life partner while he is tying one on - 

You have not seen the true man yet. Give him a chance to sober up and meet him properly before you decide he is “the one!”

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

 The lack of communication from his end that’s been there since he woke up sober caused a bit of concern there.

Step back and see what happens. Especially if he isn't communicating since you texted him whether the date was on or not. He has your contact info so if he wants to communicate or see you before your vacation or after, you'll hear from him. 

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

Before you get too excited, remember that it was drunk him who you were attracted to.  And it was drunk him who was interested in you.   And it was drunk him who offered a restaurant dinner. 

I urge you to consider the possibility that you may find sober him very boring. Or that he only talks about himself.  Or that he's a complainer...or any other possibility.   And sober him may regret having invited you to a nice dinner instead of coffee.  And sober him may not like you as much either.  I'm not saying that it can't work, but don't get your hopes up until you've met the real him properly.  If that meetup goes well, then you'll be onto something

I don't want to be a Debby Downer but these are my thoughts too. 

20 hours ago, babybrowns said:

 

Quote

The next morning, he texted me to confess that he “got carried away last night with the alcohol, but that it was nice to meet me, and that he hopes I had a good night”. My heart sank a little at this and I didn’t know whether he meant that he didn’t actually mean to ask me out. But given we had already arranged the day and venue and all, I texted him to ask if we are still on for next week, and he replied “Yes- that would be nice if you’re still keen?!” I responded with the affirmative, saying it was lovely to meet him.

It does sound like he was apologizing for drinking too much and perhaps got carried away asking you out.  And then when you texted to confirm I didn't like his reply "yes, that would be nice if you're keen.  Of course you were keen that is why you wanted to confirm?  Also him saying "that would be nice" as if you were the one that asked him to dinner.  To me, his reply should have been something like "Of course we're still on and I can't wait".  I definitely don't think you should text him again.  Just wait.

[glows]

4 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Thank you everyone for your replies. At this party where he and I met, he was (progressively) drunk but I was sober throughout.

Therefore I was in a ‘real’ state to absorb what was happening and over the course of the evening that we were chatting, I could see that this man ticks a lot of boxes for me and what I’m looking for in a partner. Early days to say that ofcourse, but the first impressions were promising.

Not to mention that some of our goals,  values and ambitions align (he first said his rather than hearing mine so it wasn’t a ploy just to mirror what I said or anything). As he got more and more drunk though, he was getting a bit too close for comfort. I kept a polite distance, which might be what made him wake up feeling embarrassed. I like to think that he’s a decent man who reflected on his actions and realised he was overdoing it a little.

But given that I am genuinely interested in seeing him again, it is why yes I’m a little apprehensive as to whether this does materialise into us hanging out. The lack of communication from his end that’s been there since he woke up sober caused a bit of concern there.

But rather than being a young man who’s new to the world of alcohol, who just blurts things out when he’s drunk and then wakes up realising he meant none of it. He is a man in his 30s, with a decent career, own house, close to his parents and has intentions of starting a family of his own soon. He solidified dinner plans with me that night, albeit after I left the party, before we both went to bed. I like to think that even if he does ‘forget me a little’ during the time lag, that he would be open to meeting up with a nice girl whom he met again, if he’s genuinely looking for a partner.

Given that the last time we spoke, in his sober state he confirmed our date, I’ll wait a few more days before texting him something casual and light-hearted. Not to remind him of me as such but more to see ‘where this is at’. Thanks so much all for your advice and thoughts once again 💐 

Is there a date/time and place? Or are plans still vague?  How do you mean “solidified”? 

If you’re not sure it’s still on just text him the day before or day of to check. If he doesn’t respond or takes way too long make other plans.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Given that the last time we spoke, in his sober state he confirmed our date, I’ll wait a few more days before texting him something casual and light-hearted. Not to remind him of me as such but more to see ‘where this is at’. Thanks so much all for your advice and thoughts once again 💐 

No.

What you need to do is stop the micro analysis when dealing with your anxiety. Because I guarantee that he is going to pick up on that and you're going to come across as needy and desperate.

Besides that, you need to flip the script and keep that soft red flag in the back of your mind that he asked you out when he was drunk. If anything, he needs to pursue you more and be more convincing that he "genuinely" likes you and wants to date you. If he doesn't show more interest, that should be your answer.

ESPECIALLY before you jump on board with your anxiety and start analyzing. Stop giving this man so much credit.

[NuevoYorko]

OP.  Are you aware of your patterns which are self defeating?  

All you need to do right now is LIVE YOUR LIFE like you never had your fun flirtation with charming drunk man the other night.  

STOP trying to manipulate this encounter into something that is about to lead you to "true love" if you figure out all the right ploys to control the situation.

It does not work.  It never works.  

You need to let this guy reach out to you and take you out on that date, or let him move on without doing that.   Leave it up to him.  Your ideas about making moves to "keep him interested" are misguided.  Anyway, that part has already been done, since you did communicate and ask him if you two still had a date since you met.

Can you stop yourself or are you sort of in the grip of an obsession that you don't feel capable of shaking off?

[babybrowns]

Thanks so much for your further replies. It is true that I can get a little too obsessive and over-analytical. I am getting on with other things and looking forward to my vacation, I am just wondering if there is anything more I can do from my end to help.

Part of what is causing me to worry here is that, traditionally I have never been one to show ‘too much interest’ when I like a man. This came from a couple of past experiences of chasing after men who were not all that keen.

Now my relatively reserved behaviour with this man, in person as well as in text messages where I was perhaps restraining him a bit (while secretly enjoying his displays of passion), leads me to wonder whether there is anything more I ought to do from my end that he needs to hear from me to still want to pursue this. He did feel embarrassed after that night of flirtation, and he seemed pleasantly surprised when I asked if we’re still on for our date. I did say it was lovely to meet him, which was our last communication. 

All in all I am wondering whether I need to do more to show him I’m keen 🤔

[stillafool]

40 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

I am just wondering if there is anything more I can do from my end to help.

No!  People are advising you not to do anything except wait for him to pursue you.  Why are you even asking that at this point?  You've more than showed him you're interested.  Get on with other things until he contacts you again.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, babybrowns said:

All in all I am wondering whether I need to do more to show him I’m keen 

Nope. 

You already clarified with him that you are. He doesn't need further confirmation of that. Give him a chance to show you that he is keen. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, babybrowns said:

Thanks so much for your further replies. It is true that I can get a little too obsessive and over-analytical. I am getting on with other things and looking forward  I am wondering whether I need to do more to show him I’m keen 

Unfortunately it seems like you're doing too much pursuing as it is. He hasn't contacted you since you texted him to supposedly confirm your "sometime maybe when I'm back from vacation" date. He's not contacting you. So yes step back even though he's your type on paper.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, babybrowns said:

All in all I am wondering whether I need to do more to show him I’m keen 🤔

No.

As has been said time and again, you have expressed your interest in meeting upon your return from vacation.

Now give him a chance to follow-up and demonstrate his interest.

 

Edited July 31, 2023 by BaileyB

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Now my relatively reserved behaviour with this man, in person as well as in text messages where I was perhaps restraining him a bit (while secretly enjoying his displays of passion),

Huh?

Quote

[ˈpaSHən]

NOUN

1. strong and barely controllable emotion:

2. a state or outburst of strong emotion:

3. intense sexual love:

I'm not sure which of these meanings you have in mind when you describe him as displaying passion, but either you are confusing drunken horniness for something else or you are again imbuing this man with qualities you have yet to observe.  

Slow your roll. You're going on vacation on the heels of just having returned from vacation, so clearly you have other things going on in your life.  Focus on them and, if he's interested, he will follow up.  If not, no big deal because you do not know this guy.  

[S2B]

Just go to the dinner. Drive yourself. Keep an eye on his drinking - it may be an issue - if it’s a pattern. 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, S2B said:

Keep an eye on his drinking - it may be an issue - if it’s a pattern. 

I agree.  To continue to drink while trying to get to know a lady to the point that you're drunk is a major red flag to me.  I'm not sure I would have taken him seriously.

[Kassieee]

Maybe he feels silly for getting drunk and you not matching his engery, he wants to play it cool now. 

Why not just text him? You seem to be into him so why play games and him having to make all the moves?