In a really toxic situation

[conquistador8]

So basically my ex and I separated about a week ago it was due to her requesting to search my cell phone and I denied due to the fact I was seeing another woman.  Now I wouldn't consider this cheating because mentally I had left this relationship months ago and the only reason I stayed was due to the fact that I had nowhere else to go sadly. 

If anyone thinks I'm wrong for cheating let me tell you about her she was very disrespectful.  She would like basically openly flirt with the next door neighbor she was very money hungry and and [would] waste money  on nonsense. Then she constantly had like a nasty attitude and she had a 3-year-old daughter who was just like the worst behaved kid you can imagine - like she just was horrible would constantly destroy the house.  It look like a tornado hit it every day. It was just hell there for me.

We had like zero in common day and night difference in people.  I know I shouldn't have gotten with this person to begin with but wasn't thinking clearly at the time. 

Sadly now after we split I'm currently together with the woman that I was seeing while with the ex.  We have now started a very strong and amazing relationship.  My dumb ex didn't realize I had been talking to the other woman the whole time  - she thought I met her through my sister lol.  I told her I wouldn't show her the phone because I was talking smack about her to my family - which I wasn't  -I was talking to the woman I'm currently with now. 

She's all jealous and butt hurt over it so in response she's been creeping around talking sexual to like 4-5 different dudes.  I saw her messages as she was dumb enough to leave them open and she's basically so desperate she is throwing herself at anything that gives her the time a day, immediately talking about sleeping around with them.  Now I couldn't care less what she does or what happens to her I just don't want to be in the same place with a nasty woman soliciting herself waiting for the million man march to run through her.  We have one bedroom in the apartment which is where I sleep she's on the couch my biggest issue is I don't want to have to be in that bed after she sneaks in a dozen different dudes and doing it in the bed I sleep in while I'm at work.  I just want to get out of here asap but need some advice 

Edited August 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
punctuation

[glows]

Who owns the home? 

[S2B]

So you were hiding an affair and now she is knowing you’re hiding it from her?

if course she is mad.

if you don’t want to stay here then find a place to move to.

don’t penalize her when you were the one cheating. Why don’t you go stay with your OW?

[basil67]

Given that you're the one who was cheating, how is it that she has the couch and you have the bed?   You should be the one who's banished to the couch.  Further, if you sleep on the couch then you don't have to worry about who's been in the bed during the day.

 

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, conquistador8 said:

I just want to get out of here asap but need some advice 

Do you have friends and family who will take you in until you find housing? Try going to social services and look into homeless shelters or BNBs or rooms or extended stay motels. You need to leave her apt asap. 

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Get a rented room some place for now.  This relationship is toxic and you both are cheating and cheating one another.  Time to pack up and move on.😑

[Alpacalia]

Yikes. If I didn't know any better, it sounds like you're a touch jealous yourself.

Don't bring up her "soliciting" habits and resist the urge to create an uncomfortable situation. She is likely reacting to your rejection and, depending on her mental state before you left, might resort to desperate behavior to cope with the hurt and anger.

Start looking for a new apartment to rent. Don't worry about your financial situation right now, the most important thing is to get out of there as soon as possible. You don't want to be in a place where a person you used to be in a relationship with is now sleeping with multiple partners in the bed you sleep in. That is not only disrespectful, it's unhygienic and dangerous.

You had the option to leave the relationship as opposed to cheating and unfortunately sometimes we reap what we sow.

Edited August 2, 2023 by Alpacalia

[JTSW]

I know it's easy for people to judge when they don't know you.

I'm not going to judge you for wanting to get away from an abusive ex and finding happiness with someone else.

What is the reason either you can't leave?

[mark clemson]

The only real solution here seems to be to figure out a way to move out. That might be easier said than done, but it solves your issue, as you're really not in control of what she may/may not do in your shared living space while you're not around, or how her child may act.

In terms of how she's going about seeking a new partner, there's really no reason to bash her. You were clearly incompatible, and you moved on in the way you saw fit. She is now doing the same. If she wants to "try out" several different men before picking one as the most suitable partner (or simply multidate), that's really her business. If you're worried about that happening in your bed - well, again the solution is to figure out a way to move out.

[S2B]

Why can’t you move in with your OW?

[BaileyB]

Dude, you are in no position to throw stones at your ex girlfriend. 

My advice - it’s time for one or the other of you to find somewhere else to live. Move in with your OW or one of you can crash with family or a friend. You need to end this situation. 

[MsJayne]

The most worrying thing I read in your post is that there is a three year old child in a house where it's mother is entertaining different men on a regular basis. Maybe the child's behavioural problems are the result of being around a toxic dynamic in it's home - little kids can get angry too. You need to find alternative accommodation immediately, but before you leave you need to suggest to her that she start putting her child's safety and well-being before her desperate need for male attention. On the subject of your cheating and finding it funny that your ex is " all butt hurt and jealous" over your new and amazing relationship, I can tell you this......If your new relationship was so amazing you wouldn't be needing to be so spiteful towards your ex. Getting pleasure out of being spiteful says a whole lot more about you than it does about her. And for what it's worth, it actually sounds like you're the one who's butt hurt and jealous. 

[JTSW]

9 hours ago, MsJayne said:

The most worrying thing I read in your post is that there is a three year old child in a house where it's mother is entertaining different men on a regular basis. Maybe the child's behavioural problems are the result of being around a toxic dynamic in it's home

This is exactly what I was thinking too.

It's a one bedroom apartment with the ex sleeping on the sofa.

So where does the little child sleep?

[JTSW]

On 8/2/2023 at 12:07 AM, conquistador8 said:

We have one bedroom in the apartment which is where I sleep she's on the couch

Where does the child sleep in this one bedroom apartment?

You are both putting this child in a very unhealthy situation.

[Will am I]

On 8/2/2023 at 12:07 AM, conquistador8 said:

If anyone thinks I'm wrong for cheating let me tell you about her she was very disrespectful

Calling you out on this. Man to man, no saint here.

What you are doing is shifting the blame for your infidelity. Don’t.

Your ex may be a horrrible person but the correct order would still be to leave that relationship before entering another one. This is just a big mess caused by two people with no good boundaries and victimizing the child.

[Lisa]

Sorry folks, looks like a drive by.  Best to hold off from posting until they return

Edited August 5, 2023 by Lisa