Will he come back ?

[spiderowl]

2 hours ago, Kim7890 said:

There was also so many Erie things that happened when I first went down there to visit…

He told his friends that if I wasn’t real that he was going to go to a bridge and jump off, I asked him why he said that and he said it’s “dark humor” 

Then he was driving on the wrong side of the road at dark time and cars where coming towards us and he said “oh crap my bad I’m so dumb” which I thought was scary 

Then we we’re headed to our destination and he some how parked on the wrong spot and we were walking nowhere while walking back a black car full of people started laughing aggressively. Then another car went by in the opposite direction about two minutes later and started laughing loud. Then a homeless man came behind us about a minute later I start laughing loud??? I found it Erie and started picking up signs… 


There was a lot more but I won’t get into that but it was strange

The above in bold - not only dark humour but positively scary.  No-one in their right mind drives on the wrong side of the road, they just don't.  There is something wrong with this guy.

Long distance is never easy and you have to have a really great connection and a natural way of communicating with each other.  He let you down by being indiscreet with his friends about you - not sure how you found this out though?  

I suspect, in the back of your mind, you have had doubts about him, but of course you want the good aspects.  The crazy things above would have put me off entirely as they are extreme.  Extreme is never good, I can assure you of that.  Any characteristics that you notice in a potential partner will be enhanced in a relationship.  Make sure those characteristics are not ones that worry you or drive you crazy.  It's a good thing that you are currently split up, even though breaking up always feels either a relief or like hell. 

If you have having difficulty and are wondering if you want him back, imagine that he came back - he is still the same guy though.  Would you be happy or have mixed feelings?  What would your doubts be?  You can want something and then, when you get it, not want it - if you see what I mean.

I feel sure you would be better off meeting someone locally that you could get to know gradually, in person, and see how they cope in different situations.  You will also be able to tell what their friends and family think of them - this is important too.

I'm sure you are hurting and confused right now, even though you acted instinctively and pushed him away.  Your instinct is telling you that he has flaws that worry you.  It is so important to listen to instinct and it seems you have good instincts that protect you.  They will continue to protect and guide you, if you listen to your extra sense.

 

 

Edited August 5, 2023 by spiderowl

[Kim7890]

49 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

The above in bold - not only dark humour but positively scary.  No-one in their right mind drives on the wrong side of the road, they just don't.  There is something wrong with this guy.

Long distance is never easy and you have to have a really great connection and a natural way of communicating with each other.  He let you down by being indiscreet with his friends about you - not sure how you found this out though?  

I suspect, in the back of your mind, you have had doubts about him, but of course you want the good aspects.  The crazy things above would have put me off entirely as they are extreme.  Extreme is never good, I can assure you of that.  Any characteristics that you notice in a potential partner will be enhanced in a relationship.  Make sure those characteristics are not ones that worry you or drive you crazy.  It's a good thing that you are currently split up, even though breaking up always feels either a relief or like hell. 

If you have having difficulty and are wondering if you want him back, imagine that he came back - he is still the same guy though.  Would you be happy or have mixed feelings?  What would your doubts be?  You can want something and then, when you get it, not want it - if you see what I mean.

I feel sure you would be better off meeting someone locally that you could get to know gradually, in person, and see how they cope in different situations.  You will also be able to tell what their friends and family think of them - this is important too.

I'm sure you are hurting and confused right now, even though you acted instinctively and pushed him away.  Your instinct is telling you that he has flaws that worry you.  It is so important to listen to instinct and it seems you have good instincts that protect you.  They will continue to protect and guide you, if you listen to your extra sense.

 

 

Then he was begging me to meet his friends and family … I was only down there for three days and this was my first time meeting him???

 

why do you think he asked if he was hurting me and how bad I was hurting ? 

[spiderowl]

7 minutes ago, Kim7890 said:

Then he was begging me to meet his friends and family … I was only down there for three days and this was my first time meeting him???

 

why do you think he asked if he was hurting me and how bad I was hurting ? 

To see if he was hurting you?  I get the impression he wanted to hurt you and was looking for confirmation of that.  It could be that if you said 'yes, you are hurting me a lot', he might have said 'well, that's how much you are hurting me', but seriously, a decent guy would not do that, he would be trying to understand why you were giving up on the relationship.

Edited August 5, 2023 by spiderowl

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Kim7890 said:

why do you think he asked if he was hurting me and how bad I was hurting ? 

Unfortunately given his bizarre behavior, it seems like he told you about seeing someone else to rub it in. He wanted to hurt you for fun and revenge. He seems to enjoy being a jerk, so rubbing salt in a wound is what bozos like this tend to do. . You dodged a bullet.

[JTSW]

Why did you reach out?

You wanted him back?

Edited August 7, 2023 by JTSW

[JTSW]

On 8/5/2023 at 2:57 PM, Kim7890 said:

Why would he ask me if he’s hurtling me and how bad am I hurting?

Because you hurt him.

Edited August 7, 2023 by JTSW

[JTSW]

On 8/5/2023 at 6:53 PM, Kim7890 said:

There was also so many Erie things that happened when I first went down there to visit…

He told his friends that if I wasn’t real that he was going to go to a bridge and jump off, I asked him why he said that and he said it’s “dark humor” 

Then he was driving on the wrong side of the road at dark time and cars where coming towards us and he said “oh crap my bad I’m so dumb” which I thought was scary 

Then we we’re headed to our destination and he some how parked on the wrong spot and we were walking nowhere while walking back a black car full of people started laughing aggressively. Then another car went by in the opposite direction about two minutes later and started laughing loud. Then a homeless man came behind us about a minute later I start laughing loud??? I found it Erie and started picking up signs… 


There was a lot more but I won’t get into that but it was strange

What does any of this matter now?

You broke up with him, but he didn't chase after you like you wanted.

He went with someone else, which you have no right to cry about because you broke up with him.

You ended it so just leave him alone.

You're not innocent either because you have more than one guy on the go.

Edited August 7, 2023 by JTSW

[Kim7890]

He also seen my dms and seen how much men were trying to get into contact with me. And said “I don’t get as much play as you, I wish I did my dms are dry I’m kinda jealous” ….

[JTSW]

23 minutes ago, Kim7890 said:

He also seen my dms and seen how much men were trying to get into contact with me. And said “I don’t get as much play as you, I wish I did my dms are dry I’m kinda jealous” ….

And you have the nerve to ask why he wanted to hurt you by telling you about someone he slept with after the break up.

Just look at these things you are admitting to doing that obviously hurt him very much.

Do you have any idea how you are making yourself look?

You had a bf yet you had multiple men DMing you allot and trying to hook up with you.

You're making yourself sound like a player/tease who loves playing multiple guys at once.

[Kim7890]

Yet when he was in the car he played a romance playlist of songs that he made while with his ex …. And told me he made while with his ex that hurt me as well 

[Alpacalia]

Kim this relationship is done. You're both hurt by this situation and it seems that it's time to go your separate ways. Perhaps it's time to take a break and heal.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Kim7890 said:

Yet when he was in the car he played a romance playlist of songs that he made while with his ex …. And told me he made while with his ex that hurt me as well 

If he's so horrible, why are you wondering if he will come back?

[MsJayne]

Your question is, "Will he come back?"  Maybe, but you will continue to argue because he doesn't understand what respect and loyalty are. He shouldn't have gone blabbing about your fight to anyone and everyone, he's negatively influencing others opinions of you by telling his side of the story while you're not there to defend yourself, and that's called 'smearing'. Then when you confronted him about the smearing he started gas-lighting you. Even if you were wrong in the fight and he was frustrated and hurt, he still shouldn't have broadcast the details to all and sundry. Why do you want him back? It's unlikely he'll change because he's learned these behaviours in his own background. Perhaps his pastor forgot to give the flock the sermon about respecting the rights of others. Right now he's punishing you for saying, "I'm done", and maybe you deserve that because if you weren't done you shouldn't have said it. A great many relationship problems are caused by people saying things they don't mean because they're angry. 

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

If he's so horrible, why are you wondering if he will come back?

That's my question too.  I don't understand these threads where it's established that the other person is a mess, but the poster just keeps going on and on with details about the way they're a horrible individual.

That's all a shame but ... STOP OBSESSING ABOUT HIM!  He's gone, that's good, time to be sad if you must (thought I got the impression you wanted him gone and tole him so ... but it's very confusing) but just leave this behind.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Kim7890 said:

 told me he made while with his ex that hurt me as well 

You met this log distance man once? This is why cyber relationships conducted over social media is not a good idea.

You get overinvested and overinvolved with the fantasy you build up in your head only to be disappointed.

[Kim7890]

Then when I was explaining how I don’t like his woman friend texting me 24/7 and how he’s not respecting any of my boundaries… he called me insecure and said “you just have some insecurities” . He said he wouldn’t be jealous or upset if I had a man texting my phone 24/7 just as long as it was a friend……

[Kassieee]

6 minutes ago, Kim7890 said:

Then when I was explaining how I don’t like his woman friend texting me 24/7 and how he’s not respecting any of my boundaries… he called me insecure and said “you just have some insecurities” . He said he wouldn’t be jealous or upset if I had a man texting my phone 24/7 just as long as it was a friend……

Text and go on a date with one of the guys in your DMs.

[JTSW]

5 hours ago, Kim7890 said:

Then when I was explaining how I don’t like his woman friend texting me 24/7 and how he’s not respecting any of my boundaries… he called me insecure and said “you just have some insecurities” . He said he wouldn’t be jealous or upset if I had a man texting my phone 24/7 just as long as it was a friend……

What is your point here?

What do you want?

You broke up with him, end of story.

None of all this matters anymore.

Move on to one of your other guys.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Kim7890 said:

Then when I was explaining how I don’t like his woman friend texting me 24/7 and how he’s not respecting any of my boundaries… he called me insecure and said “you just have some insecurities” . He said he wouldn’t be jealous or upset if I had a man texting my phone 24/7 just as long as it was a friend……

So? Are you going to answer this question, or just ignore it and keep listing all the bizarre behaviour you two engage in?

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

why are you wondering if he will come back?

 

[stillafool]

On 8/5/2023 at 5:26 PM, Kim7890 said:

why do you think he asked if he was hurting me and how bad I was hurting?

Because he likes to see you suffer?  We don't know.  You know him better than us, why do you think he asked you that?