Connecting Emotionally and Maintaining Independence

[Ami1uwant]

20 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Yeah, we talked a bit last night. Thanks smackie9!

His reasoning for citing that he feels I am emotionally closed off from him is what I suspected and that this all seemed to come to head after his accident. He felt really shaken up over it and was concerned that I didn't seem as worried about it as he thought I should have been. I tried to explain that I was concerned, but didn't want to add to his stress levels by making a huge deal out of it. I told him I was worried too, it was just a difference in the way we process and show feelings.

He is also concerned about his job and activities, as well as my job, school, and personal life and balancing the two. When I was stressed about something in the past, I sat on the grass outside. I would feel the warmth of his arms as he asked questions. "I don't know" or "That's all I feel" was sometimes the answer. That's it.", and I was okay with that.

He gives me space when I need it and listens when I need someone to talk to.

I think the communication between us works and he now understands me better. Part of me was worried when he initially said I was closed off emotionally. This is because maybe that meant that I didn't really feel that he was the one for me. As awful as it sounds it caused me a bit of anxiety because it felt like it challenged my autonomy.

I'll leave it there. I said that he couldn't expect me to continuously pour out my emotions whenever he asked or on demand. That isn't how I work. I said that I need to trust that he respects my limitations and that I won't constantly be put in a position where I have to share my emotions on demand.

Thanks to everyone for your help. ❤️

 

 

44 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

And women secretly want to date someone like their Father. Whose your Daddy, whose your Daadayyyyy 😂

 

im a guy I don’t want to date a mommy.  I want to date someone who a level of independence.

 

at the same time I would like to have someone who showed some level of caring/ support at times. There are times I don’t want this snd have told SOS as such.

 

if thst happened to me I’d be going to doctors and getting surgery. I’m not afraid of doctors.

 

I don’t know how old you and him are but 18 months is a long enough time to know the person and decide on living together/ marriage stuff.

 

the bigger issue is why are you a “ fridge”?

[Alpacalia]

25 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

 

im a guy I don’t want to date a mommy.  I want to date someone who a level of independence.

 

at the same time I would like to have someone who showed some level of caring/ support at times. There are times I don’t want this snd have told SOS as such.

 

if thst happened to me I’d be going to doctors and getting surgery. I’m not afraid of doctors.

 

I don’t know how old you and him are but 18 months is a long enough time to know the person and decide on living together/ marriage stuff.

 

the bigger issue is why are you a “ fridge”?

Ouchie. Fridge? Haven't been referred to as that before. I'm not sure what you mean by why am I a “fridge”? Could you clarify that for me? Princess? Yes, but not a fridge.

What is your level of support/caring? My level of support of caring is mostly through action rather than words. I'm a very hands-on person who likes to show how much I care instead of simply saying it. I get that it's hard to know what someone else really means and appreciates without hearing it, but this is how I usually express my love and concern. I did rush over to be by his side after the accident. I was just returning from a trip on a two hour bus ride and went straight to the hospital and stayed with him for hours.

I cry when someone says they are disappointed in me or when something bad happens.

But, I also make sure that I'm always there to support him, lend an ear, or just be around to share the moment. I cry and show emotion when saying goodbye to my father after he visits and also when I'm saying goodbye to people I love. I am emotionally moved by acts of kindness (not ones that I do, but that others do) and will remember those forever. Those kinds of things make me hug people more tightly and make me show my appreciation.

I get emotionally moved if a little birdie is injured or hurt or when my I'm away from my doggie for a few days. That's just how I really show my love and care for people. I hope this helps and I understand if it didn't really answer your question. Let me know if there is anything else I can explain further.

Edited August 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[glows]

Fridge, freeze. “Don’t be such a freeze.” Derogatory meaning for someone who isn’t passionate and out of control. The times I’ve heard this used is usually when the misogynistic opposite sex wants something and is bitter they don’t get it.

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Ouchie. Fridge? Haven't been referred to as that before. I'm not sure what you mean by why am I a “fridge”? Could you clarify that for me? Princess? Yes, but not a fridge.

What is your level of support/caring? My level of support of caring is mostly through action rather than words. I'm a very hands-on person who likes to show how much I care instead of simply saying it. I get that it's hard to know what someone else really means and appreciates without hearing it, but this is how I usually express my love and concern. I did rush over to be by his side after the accident. I was just returning from a trip on a two hour bus ride and went straight to the hospital and stayed with him for hours.

I cry when someone says they are disappointed in me or when something bad happens.

But, I also make sure that I'm always there to support him, lend an ear, or just be around to share the moment. I cry and show emotion when saying goodbye to my father after he visits and also when I'm saying goodbye to people I love. I am emotionally moved by acts of kindness (not ones that I do, but that others do) and will remember those forever. Those kinds of things make me hug people more tightly and make me show my appreciation.

I get emotionally moved if a little birdie is injured or hurt or when my I'm away from my doggie for a few days. That's just how I really show my love and care for people. I hope this helps and I understand if it didn't really answer your question. Let me know if there is anything else I can explain further.

Caring for someone is not the same as loving someone. In a romantic way.  You care for your family and friends. What separates it from romantic love?

 

maybe he was expecting something different from you and didn’t see it.

I think he’s looking for you to open up your inner feelings more.

 

didn’t you mention you held things in?  It’s like the game of will your partner catch you if you fall.

 

Edited August 10, 2023 by Ami1uwant

[Alpacalia]

31 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Caring for someone is not the same as loving someone. In a romantic way.  You care for your family and friends. What separates it from romantic love?

 

maybe he was expecting something different from you and didn’t see it.

I think he’s looking for you to open up your inner feelings more.

 

didn’t you mention you held things in?  It’s like the game of will your partner catch you if you fall.

 

I've tried to keep the more romantic, intimate details out of this post out of respect for our relationship but I assure you, no problem there...

[FMW]

I hate it when people are put in the position to feel they have to explain themselves for their partner feeling they're not "enough" in some way.  @Alpacalia, anyone who's paid attention to your history of posts knows you're not a fridge.  

Your partner is feeling needy, and maybe as you suggested it might be because he's not feeling physically well.  I know that makes me more sensitive emotionally.  Just keep listening and communicating, it seems you have a good relationship in general, the two of you will figure it out.  

[Ami1uwant]

19 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I've tried to keep the more romantic, intimate details out of this post out of respect for our relationship but I assure you, no problem there...

I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about sharing your deep thoughts or being just a surface person and not letting anyone 8n side of you.

[Alpacalia]

On 8/10/2023 at 5:20 PM, Ami1uwant said:

I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about sharing your deep thoughts or being just a surface person and not letting anyone 8n side of you.

I know what you were referring to. And yes, we are both very romantic with each other.

On 8/10/2023 at 2:18 PM, FMW said:

I hate it when people are put in the position to feel they have to explain themselves for their partner feeling they're not "enough" in some way.  @Alpacalia, anyone who's paid attention to your history of posts knows you're not a fridge.  

Your partner is feeling needy, and maybe as you suggested it might be because he's not feeling physically well.  I know that makes me more sensitive emotionally.  Just keep listening and communicating, it seems you have a good relationship in general, the two of you will figure it out.  

Me too. 😋

Thanks FMW!

Yes he has been feeling a bit more needy of me since the accident and I don't mind because I'm here for him and it's great to feel wanted and needed but I am NOT going to stop doing the things I need to do and focus solely on him. We both have our own lives and responsibilities and it gives us something to keep our relationship healthy. We have a connection that is indescribable and there are almost no words for it. I love that he's this big, tall, muscular man that loves when I lean into him and he wraps his strong arms around me. He loves to do this curling thing with my ear and it always sends a shiver of pleasure down my back.

He purchased tickets to a moonlight kayaking event for us to go to when his leg is healed so that will be a very romantic event for us to enjoy together. It is something that I've always wanted to do and he was able to make my wish come true. We often do special things for each other and it's nice to have someone who's romantic enough to create memories like that.

I dated a man in law enforcement and he once said something similar, that I wasn't as open to him as I could be. I think men in those types of roles need a bit of extra tenderness because they're so guarded on the job and when they're off duty they need that extra comfort. My current man has similar traits but his affection towards me keeps him from getting too guarded or closed off. I think he (my ex) was trying to reach me but I wasn't as emotionally connected to him as I am to my current partner. I feel that's the difference between a connection and an attraction. I understand him in a way that I never understood the man I used to date and that understanding is where our real connection lies.

I suspected he was a bit concerned since the accident but I didn't want to assume so I asked him about it. He said that the accident made him realize what he'd be missing if I weren't there and all of the possibilities of life without me made his love for me stronger.

That honestly took my breath away and it was a beautiful gesture. Knowing he loves me so deeply means so much to me and I know no matter what happens he'll always have my back and if I ever feel lonely he'll be there to make me feel loved and secure.

Edited August 12, 2023 by Alpacalia