Co worker age gaps

[Luna66star]

I'm in my 60's and have been working in a call center for the past 6 yrs.  At the start a lot of people my age were there so I had some work friends to talk with.

Now however most of them are gone and it's 20 to 30 age range in the office.

I do go over and chit chat to nearby co workers, ask how their weekend was.  But no one ever comes to my desk to day hi or ask questions.  I realize it's an office and we are there to work.  But I feel so desperately lonely, it's killing me.  An older married guy used to stop and chat sometimes but I felt he was a bit creepy.  I don't go and chat with him anymore.

I feel ageism exists and the younger co workers prefer to share their stories with people their own age.  Understandable.  Yet I feel terribly disconnected from people there.  I basically do my job and go home.  At lunch I go for a walk and sometime see a group of my co workers.  I smile and say hi but they basically ignore me.

Does anyone have any suggestions?  I do have friends outside of work.  At work though, no one knows I exist!

 

 

 

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[Weezy1973]

Yeah it’s a tough one. Where I work there’s people of all ages and while I’m not friends per se with my colleagues, we’re all definitely friendly with each other. 
 

Part of it might be just that the folks you were working with were friends and the new folks are strangers. So it might just take some time. 
 

 

[Alpacalia]

That's hard. Sorry to hear that. I am a more mature student then my school peers. But, it doesn't really bother me because I enjoy going to class.

In your case, you feel alienated from your co-workers and don't want to talk to the creepy guy. Speak out and make your opinions known. Don’t be afraid to take your conversations in a direction that adults would agree with. Talk about topics you know a lot about and express your thoughts confidently. If the creepy guy says something you don’t agree with, stand up for yourself and explain why. People will respect you more and you may be able to connect with your co-workers over common interests.

I hope these tips help. Best of luck.

[glows]

I’m nearly certain they are likely intimidated and don’t know how to connect with you. Are there any functions or work events where you mingle together? Have you trained or mentored/aided in any on-boarding seeing as you have some seniority? If you have a chance show interest in their progress at work and ask them how they’re doing. I’d avoid questions about the weekend if you’re not really at that comfort level with anyone.

I usually kept personal strictly private. There was the general knowledge items but beyond that I never talked about what I did on weekends or outside of work. If someone really needed to know it was a readers digest version and sometimes a white lie as filler in a conversation before returning the polite question back. I did work in a smaller/medium sized company way back that was more connected and did form longer lasting work relationships there.

Do you still keep in touch with your colleagues who have moved on?

[Bue-aidez]

I understand the need for connection, and how difficult it is for you right now. Considering that you might just be spending a lot more time at work. Maybe during lunch meet up with your friends? And maybe, try invite some of the peers to lunch? Or ask if you could join for lunch? 

[MsJayne]

I hear you, I've been there. I think it comes down to attitudes towards older women in certain workplaces, because unless you're a Sharon Stone , or you're a boss and younger workers have to interact with you to do their job, you become a little invisible. If you have other older workers around you it's different, but if you're a 60yo in a workplace full of 20 -35's, it can be very isolating because, no matter how hard you try to be friendly and on the same level, younger people often perceive older people as boring and past it, (and I think we all thought that at at some stage when we were young  ). I experienced the same thing during my last two years working in an office environment, I genuinely felt excluded from, as you say, group lunches or chats around the coffee machine, and even though I'm sure it wasn't deliberate, it certainly felt like it was. I'd arrive in the office and say a cheery "Good Morning", clearly addressed to all, and I'd get a desultory grunt or two in response. Then one of the young people would arrive and say Good Morning and the office would erupt as if their team had just scored a goal. As I say, very isolating, so I understand how you're feeling. Work's not a social gathering but if you can't share a joke or have any sort of connection with your colleagues it can feel like  being sent to prison every day. My solution was to stop work and take up study, and when I graduate I'll spend my last few working years in an environment where age discrimination doesn't exist. Have you considered changing jobs? Have you been at your current job a long time, and is it the only job you have skills for? Do you worry that your age would hinder you finding something else? What barriers are there to you finding something more suitable? 

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like you just don't have much in common with these people.  You can't force it.  Maybe just focus on getting your social needs met outside of work.... make new friends, join different social activities or groups after work.

[Luna66star]

Ms Jane.  I've been at the job for about 6 yrs.  It's a fast paced call center with lots of stress with customers. Yes I thought about changing jobs but I feel my age would be a deterrent for some employers.  I do look 20 yrs younger but being older I don't have the same energy or stamina. I have lots of seniority here with outstanding pay.  Not planning to retire anytime soon as I'm alone and no spouse 2nd income.  Tried dating but scrolling online is extremely tiring.  My friends and I go out to different events but I haven't met any suitable men.  Two men in wheelchairs wanted to be friends but it was more them phoning me up for a ride to the pharmacy or doctor. I'm quite active and healthy so looking for the same.  

At work co workers are pleasant and keep their distance.  All I can do is chat for a few seconds about the job and that's it. Friends aren't willing to meet me at work for lunch as they have other things going on, which is fine, we see each other at night and on weekends.

Not much you can do about ageism as you say.  Older women don't appeal to the young folks at work, even if I look 45 rather than my real age, in 60's.  There are no social gatherings at work except Christmas lunches and birthday cakes for staff.

I could look for another job but the pay and benefits are outstanding.  I do act as a mentor sometimes at work for brief periods.

Thanks everyone for all the support and suggestions❤️.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

[Kassieee]

So at least for me and everyone I was raised with and friends, it's a respect thing when it comes to people who are older than us. We feel like we would be disrespecting you if we shared our everyday stories. We don't want you to view us as idiots.

When you see your coworkers hanging out at lunch, instead of just walking by.... stay and join the convo. Even if you're just standing there. Let people get to know you. Even if you don't have much in common about what they are talking about, or have no idea... ask.

Edited August 10, 2023 by justaskingok