Asked him out on a second date and he never replied

[Starrs]

I had a first date with someone yesterday it was nice but I definitely wasn’t my usual self. I’m always shy on first dates. I did ask if he wanted to meet again and if not then I understood he replied with he wants to meet again for sure. I texted him about 5 hours ago asking when is he free and he never replied. He is in the military so I don’t know what his schedule is like. Do I wait or do I take this as a NO and he decided to ghost me. Btw we didn’t kiss or anything we just hugged and said bye at the end.

[Alpacalia]

Try to be a bit more assured and not that if he didn't want to meet with you, you'll understand. Especially if he mentioned the second date. It might be a bit confusing for him. It's possible that he's just busy since he's in the military or multi-dating. Give him a chance and some room to respond without excessive checking. There's no need to take it as a "no" yet.

You're fabulous and he'd be lucky to date you.

[Starrs]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Try to be a bit more assured and not that if he didn't want to meet with you, you'll understand. Especially if he mentioned the second date. It might be a bit confusing for him. It's possible that he's just busy since he's in the military or multi-dating. Give him a chance and some room to respond without excessive checking. There's no need to take it as a "no" yet.

You're fabulous and he'd be lucky to date you.

He didn’t mention a second date before saying he just told me to drive safe. I was the one who apologized for not being my usual self and that’s why I said if he doesn’t want to meet me again that’s fine with me. I don’t chase. So he replied and said he does want to meet. But you’re right I will just wait, I do hope he gets back to me he seems like a really nice guy. 

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Starrs said:

 I did ask if he wanted to meet again and if not then I understood he replied with he wants to meet again for sure. I texted him about 5 hours ago asking when is he free and he never replied. 

Try to be patient. This seems like too much too soon. The date went well, he seems interested, he has your contact info, so try to be confident and relax.

[Alpacalia]

42 minutes ago, Starrs said:

He didn’t mention a second date before saying he just told me to drive safe. I was the one who apologized for not being my usual self and that’s why I said if he doesn’t want to meet me again that’s fine with me. I don’t chase. So he replied and said he does want to meet. But you’re right I will just wait, I do hope he gets back to me he seems like a really nice guy.

Perhaps you tried to overcompensate a bit because you felt like you weren't your usual self on the first date, which isn't necessary. If he hasn't suggested a second date already, that probably means he's a little uncertain. It's good that you let him know during the date that you had a good time and would like to see him again.

That was enough to let him know that you're interested.

 

Edited August 7, 2023 by Alpacalia

[glows]

No need to apologize like that.. I think you‘ve placed too much pressure on yourself to be a certain way. The apology and understanding is too much. Some people see that and think this person has low self esteem. They don’t want to be around that energy because you’re reprimanding yourself or criticizing yourself too much. There’s nothing wrong at all with being a bit more reserved upon meeting a total stranger.

If I don’t hear from someone within the same day, next. That person just is not vibing or doesn’t match the same energy. At this point don’t assume anything. Focus more on what you want in your life and the people you’d like in your life.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Starrs said:

I don’t chase

Sorry but yes you do chase.

You should have let him do the 2nd date invitation.  Now you've put yourself in a position where you'll always wonder if he's really interested.

There is no such a thing as being too busy to reply, even in the army. He works 8 hours a day like anyone else unless he's sent on a training and he's living in a tent in middle of the wood somewhere.

 

[smackie9]

No man likes a woman that puts herself down or makes excuses about herself....it lacks confidence and it doesn't look attractive. Just think if a man did/said those things to you...turn off. You want a date to go well you need to be on your game...looking good/feminine, smelling good, focused, confident, positive. Cowering/feeling off/not putting your best foot forward doesn't get you a second date. Never ever be passive/aggressive with comments like, I would like to see you again but if you don't I will understand...FAIL. Have to say this but, first impressions DO COUNT, showing your worth. Don't chase, makes you look desperate/push over. You set yourself up for jerks to take advantage of you. In my dating days, very interested men ask me for a second date at the end of the first date. And that's what you want...a man with confidence/interest/no games. This dude is a dud. Push him aside and keep talking to other men/date others.

Edited August 7, 2023 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Starrs said:

. I texted him about 5 hours ago asking when is he free and he never replied. 

5 hrs is not "never". Try to relax and have confidence in yourself.

[Alpacalia]

My experience too @smackie9. One date the guy seemed meh and I said I would see him at an event (that was a month away ) and he said, "no, I want to see you sooner than that." 

So, sometimes you just gotta go with the flow and see how it goes. I said yes to a get-together a week out, and we had a wonderful time together. We kept seeing each other for a few months afterward.

I would just get on with your life and be open to different kinds of relationships. Don't push it as that might backfire. If it's meant to be it will happen naturally.

Edited August 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[ExpatInItaly]

You're being too impatient.

As @Wiseman2 said, 5 hours is nowhere near "never." People have lives and aren't necessarily attached to their phones. Give him a chance to reply to you. If you go a couple days and hear nothing, then yes, safe to assume he's not interested. But try to relax in the meantime. 

Don't lead with anxiety and insecurity. 

[JTSW]

What's the rush?

It's only been a couple of hours and he has a very demanding job.

You are far too impatient.

[flow28]

Just wait some more time and see. Don't stress yourself over it too much, he may be busy. If he continues to keep you waiting for too long then it's a sign he's not that interested. Like someone said before, don't take it as a no yet. However, never put yourself in a position where you're always the one asking for dates. A man has to be equally or more proactive than you, otherwise he doesn't really want you. 

[Alpacalia]

I appreciate the prospective that asking him out may yield results that indicate you won't necessarily know if he has interest in you, but I also believe there are some men who are rather weak and timid, and afraid of their own shadows. So a girl asking THEM out is a welcome change. That depends on if you're into that sort of thing. But all in all, many men out there are confident and secure enough in themselves to reciprocate your advances if you make them.

A lot of men are more traditional and may feel uncomfortable if a woman takes the initiative and asks a man out. On the other hand, there are many men who are more open to being asked out by a woman and find it attractive. But that doesn't mean blowing up his phone when he hasn't ‌replied to your messages or ‌putting pressure on him to say yes. And of course, be prepared for the possibility that the answer might be no – it will not be the end of the world.

There's also the possibility that you come off a little intense initially. Five hours is nothing and ‌texts can be easily perceived as clingy or desperate – especially when he may want to take his time to acknowledge your request for a date. Everyone has a different way of expressing themselves and this could be the cause of why he still hasn't replied.

[mortensorchid]

If you have not heard from him within the first 48 hours after the first get together, you will never hear from him again 90% of the time.  10% of the time he might call or text a few days later, you might even have a second get together with him.  But that will be the end.  And his silence tells you that this was/is the end.  Fact. 

Some might say that they want the women to make the first move.  True?  Well, they can, by all means they can.  But a man who is worth his salt will put his money where his mouth is. 

[Sony12]

Yeah in general a lack of communication is never a good sign. When people are interested and willing to put in the effort to continue to get to know each other more the communication is generally pretty consistent and it isn't a challenge to get responses back.

That's why it's good to talk to multiple people at once when you are just starting out because not only will you not be putting all your eggs in one basket but it's also a lot less tempting to send more messages to someone than you should if you have other people to talk to as well.

Edited August 12, 2023 by Sony12

[Sony12]

Also another thing to remember is that actions always speak louder than words. Often times people will say things that they think others want to hear regardless if it is true or not.