I broke/ depression want my ex back who has a rebound

[desirefire]

I broke up with my bf three months ago since I was depressed and also gooing through a nasty loss (family suicide). I got proffessional help fast after ending the relationship. Now theree months later I decided to contact my ex because he is the true love of my life. And I do feel better. Yes I know I was stupid to break up. And nothing can excuse that... But kinda there and then I saw no way out I just feelt like a burden and wasnt avilable for anyone. He says he loves me, he thought I would never contact him again. Turns out after the brek up - fast- he found a new gf. And its even on facebook but I didnt even see it or get that information. He havent even contacted me to give my things back before enter the relationship. He says he likes her but loves me. He says its more like a rebound and lots of problems , like she kinda rushed it on fb... I dont know how much of this I should belive I donno if his telling the truth or just confused... He says he cares about me, that I shouldnt be nervous to contact him. But in my mind I ask myself "did he really care". Last time we spoke I was like I need help fast it feels like im slowly dying. If he cared coulnd he have contacted me and just ask how are you after a while? Anyways I dont want to be in his way and Im happy for him. All I want is for him to have love in his life. And I also want to become healthy. Im on my way and I feel it. He is now thinking, he says he have to choose between to people he likes. He need time. I am just waiting now. I am not contact him and I give him space. Today we talked a little about just random things. But nothing more than that. My plan is to move on with my life at the moment. Focus on healing.  Now for my question. Do you think he will come back? Has anyone else in here been in a similar position?  And what if he comes back is it possible to move on with the relationship? I mean not to be selfish, but I feel like I didnt matter to him. That He just jumped on the first woman that wanted him. Witch is fair he was single. But I have feelings and it feels kinda weird. In my head I dont have any expectation, at least I try not to have. I also feel kinda stupid reacing out to... Like im interveaning. But I also hade to tell him to ease my heart. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[glows]

Are you still seeing someone for counselling? 

I think it’s kinder and more respectful to let him enjoy his new relationship and cease all contact. Imagine being on the other side of this as the new partner. Would you like it if an ex gf who still had feelings for your boyfriend keeps contacting him?
 

[desirefire]

44 minutes ago, glows said:

Are you still seeing someone for counselling? 

I think it’s kinder and more respectful to let him enjoy his new relationship and cease all contact. Imagine being on the other side of this as the new partner. Would you like it if an ex gf who still had feelings for your boyfriend keeps contacting him?
 

yes I am. Well I didnt know he had a gf when I contacted him. He is contacting me now Im just waiting. But yes I considered that but I also mean I want him back and I love him. Iv alredy told him thats so its to late. But for me its like I really dont care about her they have known eachother for 6 weeks. And he kinda talked bad about her when he talked to me, that she was problematic or something and pushy...its more like a rebound. To be honest I care more about Me and my ex. And I love him so much. Its selfish yes. But at the same time I have nothing to lose to tell him what I feel. The rest is up to him. Hade I known he had a gf before I would probably have tried my best to stay away. But I would probably have told him anyways If i know my self right. But yes I do agree with you and disagree at the same time. 😕 He also told me that he was so happy that I told him what I feelt. And also texted afterwards.. So i mean yah I donno what to do.

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[glows]

It’s probably best to distance yourself like you’re doing and heal from the break up. You’ve said what you needed to say but things are messy and complicated with his girlfriend in the picture.

Move towards more peaceful and harmonious relationships. He shouldn’t be talking smack about his girlfriend with an ex. You might want to rethink this guy. Did you both have any issues in the past or disagreements?

 

[desirefire]

48 minutes ago, glows said:

It’s probably best to distance yourself like you’re doing and heal from the break up. You’ve said what you needed to say but things are messy and complicated with his girlfriend in the picture.

Move towards more peaceful and harmonious relationships. He shouldn’t be talking smack about his girlfriend with an ex. You might want to rethink this guy. Did you both have any issues in the past or disagreements?

 

Yes your right about that. Since I still love him his on my mind but ofc thats what I should do to have peaceful relationships and move on with my life. Yes we hade like normal bf and gf issues but never like huge fights or something. We hade good communication and respect, and if the respect ever was crossed we listend and changed. We broke up one time during and argument but got together in an hour. We were together for 3 years. The last two months in the relationship I was very negative in my mind (depression) tired, and difficult and I blamed myself alot, so at somepoint I felt worthless because I couldnt give him love and affection. So yes the end was very hard and him seeing me fall apart while he at the same time went through though times at work and needed my support and I couldnt be supportive. Yah it was though. And then a familymember died so I kinda lost my mind and was impulsive and broke it of... But otherwise than that we both agree that we had a strong bond and a good relationship overall with much love. We both also have adhd so we had a lot of fun also. But yes its also had its negatives but we kinda made it work anyways.

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, desirefire said:

But in my mind I ask myself "did he really care". Last time we spoke I was like I need help fast it feels like im slowly dying. If he cared coulnd he have contacted me and just ask how are you after a while?

OP, you have my sympathy for everything you've been through. Please take the time to heal and to figure stuff out. It's only been a few months. It feels like you're rushing things by seeking to reconcile with your ex.

You do realize that your ex could just as easily ask if you truly cared about him, right? Remember, you're the one who ended the relationship. How can he be sure you won't push him away again if you experience more struggles? How can you be sure you won't do it again?

 

[desirefire]

45 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

OP, you have my sympathy for everything you've been through. Please take the time to heal and to figure stuff out. It's only been a few months. It feels like you're rushing things by seeking to reconcile with your ex.

You do realize that your ex could just as easily ask if you truly cared about him, right? Remember, you're the one who ended the relationship. How can he be sure you won't push him away again if you experience more struggles? How can you be sure you won't do it again?

 

Yes ofc I understand that. Thats on my mind and its very hurtful. This post wasnt meant to come across as me me me. I do understand the seriousness in this. Maby rushing or not whats done is done. I told him what I feel, but I dont have any expectations. And Im happy for him no matter what he does and he should do what makes him happy. And the last part pushing people away is not easy, but in depression its kinda easy. Hopfully I learned something from this. To see the symptoms earlier. To ask for support instead of breaking up or push people away. Since it was both depression, chock and greif at the same time. I cross my fingers that wont happen again, or that im more prepared next time if it happens again. This was my first close familymember who died ever. But yah no excuses, I can never know. But I will try my best. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[glows]

Glad to hear you’re still speaking to a professional and receiving support and counselling during this difficult time. 

Three years is a good length of time and you both seemed to get along. Unfortunately there is someone else in the picture. I can’t imagine the kind of heartache you’re going through right now with the loss of your loved one and seeing your ex so soon with someone else. If I tried to put myself in your shoes I’d be so immensely turned off and disgusted I’d want nothing to do with the situation due to the complexity of his gf and respecting of course their relationship.

Why put yourself through so much more heartache living in this limbo waiting for his answer? Take control of your life and start making healthier decisions that promote healing and peace not inviting more chaos and pain. Keep in mind you’re also inflicting that same chaos on someone else’s relationship and life whom you’ve never met. How do you live with yourself knowing that? I guess you answered it above - you don’t care about her. Id try working this out in counselling and therapy - try working on more empathy for others.
 

[Ageless Wisdom23]

It appears he had just moved on and found someone new.  But he still loves you.  However, I am not sure he trusts you enough to leave her and come back to you.  That is the problem.  Let things go for now.  Just make sure you focus on you.  I am so sorry for all of your troubles and losses.  If it is meant to Be, It will be.😐

[desirefire]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Glad to hear you’re still speaking to a professional and receiving support and counselling during this difficult time. 

Three years is a good length of time and you both seemed to get along. Unfortunately there is someone else in the picture. I can’t imagine the kind of heartache you’re going through right now with the loss of your loved one and seeing your ex so soon with someone else. If I tried to put myself in your shoes I’d be so immensely turned off and disgusted I’d want nothing to do with the situation due to the complexity of his gf and respecting of course their relationship.

Why put yourself through so much more heartache living in this limbo waiting for his answer? Take control of your life and start making healthier decisions that promote healing and peace not inviting more chaos and pain. Keep in mind you’re also inflicting that same chaos on someone else’s relationship and life whom you’ve never met. How do you live with yourself knowing that? I guess you answered it above - you don’t care about her. Id try working this out in counselling and therapy - try working on more empathy for others.
 

Thank you! ❤️

Well I guess he is a part of it to... If he was more sure what he want it wouldnt be an issue right? He says he still loves me and he was so happy to hear from me and was thankful that I told him what I feelt. Actually I texted him first about my kees if I could come get them. And then I asked if I could call him. And he was like oh how are you , you can call me you know whenever you want, I care about you etc. And I called him. And during that phonecall I told him everything. Without me even knowing he had a gf. Is it really only my faulght? He could have been telling me he is done with me. He said she pushed him to go into a relationship even when he told her he reasently got out of a relationship and needs time.... I mean if he was serious about her he could have told me on the phone right?  But yes I do understand what you mean. And I do feel bad towards the gf but done is done. What more can I do? I do have empathy. But now when I know he is not sure ofc I care less about her. She deserves better. Or should I contact him now and tell him you know what due to respect of your relationship we shouldnt talk. And respect your gf. If your for some reason single in the future and Im single, call me if you want to give it a new chanse. Or what should I text? If I knew he had a gf I would probably do alot of thinking. I dont know if I would have contacted him. There might be a chanse. I have feelings. Thats selfish. But doesnt mean I dont have empathy.

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[desirefire]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Glad to hear you’re still speaking to a professional and receiving support and counselling during this difficult time. 

Three years is a good length of time and you both seemed to get along. Unfortunately there is someone else in the picture. I can’t imagine the kind of heartache you’re going through right now with the loss of your loved one and seeing your ex so soon with someone else. If I tried to put myself in your shoes I’d be so immensely turned off and disgusted I’d want nothing to do with the situation due to the complexity of his gf and respecting of course their relationship.

Why put yourself through so much more heartache living in this limbo waiting for his answer? Take control of your life and start making healthier decisions that promote healing and peace not inviting more chaos and pain. Keep in mind you’re also inflicting that same chaos on someone else’s relationship and life whom you’ve never met. How do you live with yourself knowing that? I guess you answered it above - you don’t care about her. Id try working this out in counselling and therapy - try working on more empathy for others.
 

Yes I do agree. Iv been thinking about alot of what you wrote the last couple of days actually. I think thats why I also reached out here to get other prespectives. Not only my mind and my family and friends. And also maby some understanding becaue deep under I feel like s*** right now. I cant meet my therapist til next week. I will keep everything you wrote in mind. Most of it sound very healing and calming. Your right about that! 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[JTSW]

8 hours ago, desirefire said:

He is now thinking, he says he have to choose between to people he likes. He need time.

This sticks out at me.

She is clearly not a rebound to him if he needs to think about this.

He obviously cares about her as much as he cares about you and can't decide which one of you he wants.

I agree with glows that you should just walk away and focus on you.

He has moved on with someone else and you should respect their relationship and walk away.

[desirefire]

3 minutes ago, JTSW said:

This sticks out at me.

She is clearly not a rebound to him if he needs to think about this.

He obviously cares about her as much as he cares about you and can't decide which one of you he wants.

I agree with glows that you should just walk away and focus on you.

He has moved on with someone else and you should respect their relationship and walk away.

He wrote he likes two people and now he has to hurt one of them to be exact. But yes thats very true. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[desirefire]

9 minutes ago, JTSW said:

This sticks out at me.

She is clearly not a rebound to him if he needs to think about this.

He obviously cares about her as much as he cares about you and can't decide which one of you he wants.

I agree with glows that you should just walk away and focus on you.

He has moved on with someone else and you should respect their relationship and walk away.

but should I text him and tell him that so he doesnt have to think?

[JTSW]

3 minutes ago, desirefire said:

but should I text him and tell him that so he doesnt have to think?

Yeah, a simple text wishing him all the best and great future with his gf.

[JTSW]

11 minutes ago, desirefire said:

He wrote he likes two people and now he has to hurt one of them to be exact. But yes thats very true. 

He doesn't have to hurt anyone.

All you need to do is walk away and let him continue his life with his gf.

[desirefire]

22 minutes ago, JTSW said:

He doesn't have to hurt anyone.

All you need to do is walk away and let him continue his life with his gf.

He owes me money and has my keys. Could I get someone else to pick them up? I mean I dont wanna face him right now  Plus he doesnt have the money untill desember...

[JTSW]

7 minutes ago, desirefire said:

He owes me money and has my keys. Could I get someone else to pick them up? I mean I dont wanna face him right now  Plus he doesnt have the money untill desember...

What keys does he have?

Definitely get them back.

Get someone to go get them if that's easier for you.

I'd just forget the money. It's not worth waiting until December for.

[desirefire]

2 hours ago, JTSW said:

What keys does he have?

Definitely get them back.

Get someone to go get them if that's easier for you.

I'd just forget the money. It's not worth waiting until December for.

Ohh okey its alot of money, my homd keys...

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, desirefire said:

He owes me money and has my keys.

Why didn't you take you keys with you when you broke up?  One thing you need to think about.  If your ex is talking smack about his gf to you he's definitely talked bad about you to her.  So don't go by that.  I too think he likes his new gf more than he's letting you know or there would be no choice to make.  He would simply tell you he's breaking up with her and you two are now back together.  Even if you get back with him, the first argument you have with him will make him regret breaking it off with her.  I think you should continue your therapy and heal, then move on to someone new.

[desirefire]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why didn't you take you keys with you when you broke up?  One thing you need to think about.  If your ex is talking smack about his gf to you he's definitely talked bad about you to her.  So don't go by that.  I too think he likes his new gf more than he's letting you know or there would be no choice to make.  He would simply tell you he's breaking up with her and you two are now back together.  Even if you get back with him, the first argument you have with him will make him regret breaking it off with her.  I think you should continue your therapy and heal, then move on to someone new.

Relly I dont know we live distance and I called him. And we agreed on talking it after a while. Ididnt have much energy left and my mental health was so bad I heard voices a while. So Yah i havent thought about this to much and I dont know why he didnt contact me and just got rid of this either. I havent been thinking much about why I have extra keys... He said he has them on him everyday and when He sees them He thinks about me. I think its a little weird he didnt contact me earlier and demanded me to come get my s*** or something if he is entering a new relationship. More to respect her.

[desirefire]

2 minutes ago, desirefire said:

Relly I dont know we live distance and I called him when I broke up. And we agreed on talking it after a while. Ididnt have much energy left and my mental health was so bad I heard voices a while. So Yah i havent thought about this to much and I dont know why he didnt contact me and just got rid of this either. I havent been thinking much about why I have extra keys... He said he has them on him everyday and when He sees them He thinks about me. I also have other stuff thats mine at his place and he havent even packed them in a box or something. I think its a little weird he didnt contact me earlier and demanded me to come get my s*** or something if he is entering a new relationship. More to respect her.

 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[desirefire]

1 minute ago, desirefire said:

 

I called him this saturday so its not long time ago I told him I love him and wants him back. So i donno , maby he just need some time. And last days iv been having lots of time to reflect again. 

23 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why didn't you take you keys with you when you broke up?  One thing you need to think about.  If your ex is talking smack about his gf to you he's definitely talked bad about you to her.  So don't go by that.  I too think he likes his new gf more than he's letting you know or there would be no choice to make.  He would simply tell you he's breaking up with her and you two are now back together.  Even if you get back with him, the first argument you have with him will make him regret breaking it off with her.  I think you should continue your therapy and heal, then move on to someone new.

 

[desirefire]

30 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why didn't you take you keys with you when you broke up?  One thing you need to think about.  If your ex is talking smack about his gf to you he's definitely talked bad about you to her.  So don't go by that.  I too think he likes his new gf more than he's letting you know or there would be no choice to make.  He would simply tell you he's breaking up with her and you two are now back together.  Even if you get back with him, the first argument you have with him will make him regret breaking it off with her.  I think you should continue your therapy and heal, then move on to someone new.

I replied on my own comment by misstake. 

I called him this saturday evening so its not long time ago I told him I love him and wants him back. So I donno , maby he just need some time. And last two-three days iv been having lots of time to reflect again myself. He have been pretty busy. We only talked a little yesturday only like how our families are. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[JTSW]

Get your keys back.

Ask him to mail them to you or you will arrange for someone to collect them.

You don't have to do anything else.

Question is though, are you going to take our advice?

Because it really doesn't sound like you are going to.