I broke/ depression want my ex back who has a rebound

[desirefire]

Just now, JTSW said:

Get your keys back.

Ask him to mail them to you or you will arrange for someone to collect them.

You don't have to do anything else.

Question is though, are you going to take our advice?

Because it really doesn't sound like you are going to.

I have your advice in my head. And im thinking about it. But at the same time no more impulsive desitions. I didnt sleep much last couple of days either. No sleep tonight at all. So right now im just trying to let this sink in a bit. I dont wanna do impulsive things. I thought about contacting for a while just to be sure. I need today and a little more sleep. I know myself very well today. Im not saying I need much time to think to not be impulsive. But in this state of mine I need some time to process. 

[JTSW]

The moment he told you he had a gf was when you should have backed off.

He obviously really likes this girl.

The respectful thing and right thing for you to do is walk away and not interfere with their relationship.

[desirefire]

12 minutes ago, JTSW said:

The moment he told you he had a gf was when you should have backed off.

He obviously really likes this girl.

The respectful thing and right thing for you to do is walk away and not interfere with their relationship.

Yes i do hear you. And Im thinking about it, I will sleep some now. And then call my mom and just prepeat my self a little because it makes me very sad and very nervous to.  And I also feel even more like s*** now. Because I have bad consiouness. If he really loves her and wants her he wouldnt even be afraid of hurting me. So if i text him later today or now I dont think that makes any big differens. To be honest.It feels like im prepeating myself to get hurt again. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by desirefire

[Millie the Cat]

I think you should let this guy go for good.  If he really loved you, he would have been there for you during your crisis.  He wouldn't have let you break up with him so easily, and he would have done whatever he could to support you through the emotional crisis.  That's what love is.  He wasn't truly there for you when it really counted. 

[JTSW]

1 hour ago, desirefire said:

Yes i do hear you. And Im thinking about it, I will sleep some now. And then call my mom and just prepeat my self a little because it makes me very sad and very nervous to.  And I also feel even more like s*** now. Because I have bad consiouness. If he really loves her and wants her he wouldnt even be afraid of hurting me. So if i text him later today or now I dont think that makes any big differens. To be honest.It feels like im prepeating myself to get hurt again. 

Put it out of your mind for a while and get some rest x

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, desirefire said:

To be honest.It feels like im prepeating myself to get hurt again. 

Make sure you don't end up being his side piece and she's the main course.  If he really wanted you back why is it taking him this long to put you back in 1st place?  I bet he hasn't even told her about you guys talk yet.  It seems if he were serious this could have been handled in a day and by now you'd be back in his arms.

[desirefire]

On 8/8/2023 at 6:21 PM, JTSW said:

Put it out of your mind for a while and get some rest x

hello again. I sleept on it and took two days to prepare. I have to let go. Then I texted him. Hello , I feel very stupid about everything. I wish you and your gf all good and good luck. He actually called me. Told me he has been thinking about breaking it with his gf for a while, even before I contacted him. But he has to sort it out and deal with it.He needs to break up with her first. He said he is willing to give us a new chance but we have to take it real slow. Like start dating again. And we also have to talk through things that didnt work in our relationship. I donno what to do now. I am very happy but at the same time Im very sad because I feel like an awful person that didnt respect them and contacted him to tell how I feel. At the same time i havent eaten much in days, theew up at work due to stress, and iv lost 5 kilos in a week. And for last two days Iv been thinking let go, let go , let go...kinda prepared my self for the worst. Im happy but at the same time exuasted. He said he is glad that I contacted him no matter what. I shouldn think about If I was selfish or not. He told me Its good to tell how you feel. That I havent been nagging or anything I just told him how I feelt. Nothing wrong with that. He also told me that things can end up bad between us to we can never know but Im willing to take the chance. Its worth it. I love you so very much still as a friend. Lets se if it can lead to a relationship again. 

Edited August 11, 2023 by desirefire

[basil67]

14 minutes ago, desirefire said:

 Told me he has been thinking about breaking it with his gf for a while, even before I contacted him. But he has to sort it out and deal with it.He needs to break up with her first. He said he is willing to give us a new chance but we have to take it real slow.

I think he was foolish to get your hopes up like this.  I mean, if he comes good on his promise and it all works about between you, then it's a great outcome.  But what if he doesn't leave her?  Then he will have created another huge letdown for you.   Please make sure you don't get your hopes up

[desirefire]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I think he was foolish to get your hopes up like this.  I mean, if he comes good on his promise and it all works about between you, then it's a great outcome.  But what if he doesn't leave her?  Then he will have created another huge letdown for you.   Please make sure you don't get your hopes up

I kinda prepared myself somehow to move on the last week. And my body is exuasted.I have to do alot of selfcare from now on. And yes thats a possibility. God I hope not thoe... I will try to move on anyways. Not like meet anyone but more taking care of myself. If I wait any longer, there will be nothing less than bones.... Im happy and I will be carefull. I dumped him I feel I kinda deserve it in some weird way now that I want him back. Ofc I will give him time and us time if we meet. But I will not have my hopes up for sure untill that. And I will take care of myself from this very second. Thanks ❤️

Edited August 11, 2023 by desirefire

[glows]

There are some people who stay in contact like this or hope to hear from someone never fully letting go. The sad part is your whole life passing by while you are thinking of this person. How would he trust you again not to do the same thing and dump him when things get stressful?

I do think reconciliations are possible after a break up but it takes a lot of self growth and learning about where you both have made mistakes. The timeline seems so short and in all this mix he’s now breaking up with his current gf.. even more drama to ensue. Yes, take care of yourself. 

[JTSW]

7 hours ago, desirefire said:

I love you so very much still as a friend.

As a friend?

Yeah walk away.

He is getting your hopes up but he has more or less admitted there may not be a relationship again and that he doesn't love you.

You deserve better than this.

Tell him you can't work with 'maybe's' then bid him farewell.

If you start up with him again then the gf wont be the only one getting hurt.

His words mean you might also be heading for heartbreak again.

[desirefire]

everyone thanks for advices and imputs. I feels that im gooing a little crazy analysing everything.  I have no more energy to think what if this happen and this and this. So im

letting go a little for now. Taking a break. The only thing I know is that I love him

and my heart wants him. If he feels the same. I mean we both have been in relationships before, beeing dumped and dumped. Were 30 +. I belive we have some experiences and will know in the end. I mean what we want emotionally. And also when it comes go compatability. I will update in the future and let you know how everything went.:) 

Edited August 11, 2023 by desirefire

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, desirefire said:

 He said he is willing to give us a new chance but we have to take it real slow.

It almost sounds like he's back peddling here.  At first he was gung ho now he says he's got to sort it out.  Sort out what?  If he knows he's in love with you and wants to get back together what is the point of still dragging out the break up with her.  He's telling you even if he breaks up with her he's not going to immediately get back in a relationship with you; but date you to see if it will work.  So, are you any better off?

[desirefire]

4 hours ago, JTSW said:

As a friend?

Yeah walk away.

He is getting your hopes up but he has more or less admitted there may not be a relationship again and that he doesn't love you.

You deserve better than this.

Tell him you can't work with 'maybe's' then bid him farewell.

If you start up with him again then the gf wont be the only one getting hurt.

His words mean you might also be heading for heartbreak again.

Yes this is something iv thought about. But at the sime time I know its a possibility to get hurt. The gf will be hurt anyways. He said he cant see a future with her at all, its children involved. He didnt realised this in the start because he was selfish and sad. But he sees it more clear now and he been thinking about breaking up with her before I even contacted him. And now he is more sure. He just needs to sort it out. I donno what he meant by that. Maby he wants to break up in a nice way. Maby they have huge problems , I donno. What if she is like crazy dont let go and stuff? ( this is my own thought) nothing he says. Anyway no one can know what he meant and I dont want to know either. I just know he doesnt want to be with her. 

[desirefire]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It almost sounds like he's back peddling here.  At first he was gung ho now he says he's got to sort it out.  Sort out what?  If he knows he's in love with you and wants to get back together what is the point of still dragging out the break up with her.  He's telling you even if he breaks up with her he's not going to immediately get back in a relationship with you; but date you to see if it will work.  So, are you any better off?

Yah. Do I want to get in a relationship with him

immediatly. Iv been thinking myself and no. I dont. I want to date and have fun with him

im the start. See what happens. Mostly because I really care about him

and love him. I will give it a chanse and I do have to give him

time

no matter what. I cant force anyone to be with me. When it comes to me. I dont know, Im scared to to get hurt. But at the same

time

if i get hurt I have to trust that I will get strenght back to focus on my life. Im blt that kinda person who jumpes between relationships. I allways take time to heal first. But this time will probably be harder. Thats all. 

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, desirefire said:

I just know he doesnt want to be with her. 

Again, if he doesn't want to be with her anymore it's easy to just let her go and be back with you.  Why wouldn't you want to know what he needs to sort out with her?  Knowing would give you some type of timeline.  How long does he expect you to wait while he "sorts" things out with her?

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, desirefire said:

ah. Do I want to get in a relationship with him

immediatly. Iv been thinking myself and no. I dont. I want to date and have fun with him

im the start. See what happens. Mostly because I really care about him

and love him. I will give it a chanse and I do have to give him

time

So now you just want to date him too?  Well suppose he decides to tell her he wants an open relationship so he can date you both to decide which one he wants.  Would you accept that?

[desirefire]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So now you just want to date him too?  Well suppose he decides to tell her he wants an open relationship so he can date you both to decide which one he wants.  Would you accept that?

Ofc not, I wouldnt accept that at all. I rather be alone. What I meant is that dont rush it. Maby we will be so sure very fast were suddenly in a relationship again. I mean Im sure what I want. But iv gotten a little scared last week. But if he needs time I will do that. And date. Not like date others. But date eachother. And maby we will have to date a while and build trust to get past earlier hurt. We can never know hos this will end at all. Im just not rushing anything. And I will respect if he wants to be a little carefull in the start. We have to start with meeting eachother again. 

Edited August 11, 2023 by desirefire

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, desirefire said:

I just know he doesnt want to be with her. 

If he is certain of this then what exactly does he need to 'sort out?'

There is more to it with her than he is letting on.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, desirefire said:

Ofc not, I wouldnt accept that at all. I rather be alone. 

Well that is what he's doing now.  He's' still dating, seeing and in a relationship with her.  If he doesn't want her, why?  This is what you need to find out.  How long do you plan to wait for him to "sort out" whatever it is he's talking about.

[desirefire]

11 minutes ago, JTSW said:

If he is certain of this then what exactly does he need to 'sort out?'

There is more to it with her than he is letting on.

I dont know there situation just a little. So I cant know. Only him. 

[desirefire]

10 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Well that is what he's doing now.  He's' still dating, seeing and in a relationship with her.  If he doesn't want her, why?  This is what you need to find out.  How long do you plan to wait for him to "sort out" whatever it is he's talking about.

Well I can ask him and I will get the anwser. But I dont want to sound desperate. How long I will wait? I dont know. I will hope but wait no. But for me like not waiting doesnt mean finding someone else fast. Im not even interessted in other guys, it feels disgusting. I mean more move on with my life. Maby I will move home to my homecountry or something. Change job. Study. I donno. Maby I should like give him a month? Hoping? I donno. I wont be able to change my life in a month. 

Edited August 11, 2023 by desirefire

[JTSW]

3 minutes ago, desirefire said:

I dont know there situation just a little. So I cant know. Only him. 

You sound pretty certain about some things, or is it just what you want to believe.

It's clear you are going to see what happens with him, I just worry that it'll just take you a few steps back in your recovery.

[desirefire]

2 minutes ago, JTSW said:

You sound pretty certain about some things, or is it just what you want to believe.

It's clear you are going to see what happens with him, I just worry that it'll just take you a few steps back in your recovery.

I feel certain about somethings when we talked on the phone he gave me anwsers. I trust him. I have no reason to not trust him. But yah sure its about feelings and it is a risk they will change. Since he needs to sort things out befor we meet. But id its ""true" love or what ever that means. We will be together. And yes this will affect my recoverytime. Some moments i feel like just giving up to be honest. I guess I have to take day by day. 

[JTSW]

3 hours ago, desirefire said:

Since he needs to sort things out befor we meet.

Sort what out to be exactly?

If he doesn't want to be with her then there's nothing to 'sort it'.

Sounds like excuses.

I'm baffled why you want to affect your recovery.