I broke/ depression want my ex back who has a rebound

[desirefire]

12 minutes ago, Samantha11 said:

I understand that you feel what you wrote completely, and I understand why you feel that way, but when you say that it is hard to be healthy without your partner, it tells me that you don't know what true emotional health is. True emotional health has nothing to do with anyone else being in your life. I know it is hard to hear, but if you feel you need him to be healthy, you are far from understanding what being healed means, and really need to take the time to work on learning what true healing is and healing you completely. 

You said you don't know what to do with life right now because you feel alone, but what you need to do is heal you. Read some books on healing from relationships. Listen to podcasts. Talk to a therapist if you can. Hang out with friends. Journal. Find your old interests and engage in them. Find a way to let go of the hope by forgetting and doing other things. I know this is not easy, but it is the journey. You can do it. You need to do it. Hang in there. 

i never been dependent on anyone ita not that its that I like having a partner someone by m side. It makes me healthier. And I dont think anything is wrong with that , to be alone and all that "self" I dont belive in that. I like having someone to make plans with. I want a family. And fortionally my partner whom I loved so so much is gone. I dont know what future is and if Il ever meet someone who loves me for me again and who I love back. It is very rare. But in a realtionship im never emotionally attached, im more attached in a healthy manner and live my life. Im not that kind of a person who loves dooing so many activities. Isnt that good enough? 

[desirefire]

18 minutes ago, Samantha11 said:

I understand that you feel what you wrote completely, and I understand why you feel that way, but when you say that it is hard to be healthy without your partner, it tells me that you don't know what true emotional health is. True emotional health has nothing to do with anyone else being in your life. I know it is hard to hear, but if you feel you need him to be healthy, you are far from understanding what being healed means, and really need to take the time to work on learning what true healing is and healing you completely. 

You said you don't know what to do with life right now because you feel alone, but what you need to do is heal you. Read some books on healing from relationships. Listen to podcasts. Talk to a therapist if you can. Hang out with friends. Journal. Find your old interests and engage in them. Find a way to let go of the hope by forgetting and doing other things. I know this is not easy, but it is the journey. You can do it. You need to do it. Hang in there. 

thanks for the pepp talk, and ofc I know this. But hey havent we all been heartbrokend 😊

[Samantha11]

34 minutes ago, desirefire said:

thanks for the pepp talk, and ofc I know this. But hey havent we all been heartbrokend 😊

Yes, we all have. That is why I understand how you feel and know how hard it is for you to move on. It is also why I know you need to move on. It really is best. 🤗

[JTSW]

6 hours ago, desirefire said:

i think your kinda rude to to be honest that only put al blame on me and not on him.

Not once did I ever say you were to blame.

Never said anything like that at all.

You said that he told you his romantic feelings for you are gone and that he's still talking to the gf.

I only asked why you are wasting your time with a guy like that when you were doing so well in your recovery.

[desirefire]

11 hours ago, JTSW said:

Not once did I ever say you were to blame.

Never said anything like that at all.

You said that he told you his romantic feelings for you are gone and that he's still talking to the gf.

I only asked why you are wasting your time with a guy like that when you were doing so well in your recovery.

well your words kinda made it very clear. Why because I love him and a bond like that doesnt change in 3 months. We were together for 3 years, his gf he doesnt even know. 6 weeks. This will pass but I will always have a little space for him in my heart, just like he told me. We will see what happens. When it comes to his ex gf, and me I donno it seems like he wants to be alone for a while to clear his mind. We are still friends. You dont stop loving someone after 3 months , then it never was love from the start. Thats my philosophy. I trust in all my heart he will comd back or we will be in the future, a bond like that is so hard to find. Im just naiv. When it comes to romantic feelings its not up to me to interesst him or be someone im not. Thats not love thats chasing excitment/ romance/ flirt. If he really loved me for who I am just as I feel about him, the spark will come back but not just like that. He is to negative, im more positive. You have to work for it. Its just like loosing a friend for a while that comes back, it takes a couple of weeks to trust again and find back to the bond. To bad he cant see that. He doesnt want to be with neither me or her atm. 

Edited August 25, 2023 by desirefire

[JTSW]

9 minutes ago, desirefire said:

well your words kinda made it very clear. Why because I love him and a bond like that doesnt change in 3 months. We were together for 3 years, his gf he doesnt even know. 6 weeks. This will pass but I will always have a little space for him in my heart, just like he told me. We will see what happens. When it comes to his ex gf, and me I donno it seems like he wants to be alone for a while to clear his mind. We are still friends. You dont stop loving someone after 3 months , then it never was love from the start. Thats my philosophy. I trust in all my heart he will comd back or we will be in the future, a bond like that is so hard to find. Im just naiv. When it comes to romantic feelings its not up to me to interesst him or be someone im not. Thats not love thats chasing excitment/ romance/ flirt. If he really loved me for who I am just as I feel about him, the spark will come back but not just like that. He is to negative, im more positive. You have to work for it. Its just like loosing a friend for a while that comes back, it takes a couple of weeks to trust again and find back to the bond. To bad he cant see that. He doesnt want to be with neither me or her atm. 

No-one is blaming you for anything hun.

We are just very concerned for you and your wellbeing because we can see from your posts that you are not in a good head space.

You have allot of hope and that's good.

But you also have allot of assumptions about how things will go with him, but his words and actions say otherwise.

I'm not trying to offend you in any way, I just sense your hurting and it makes me worry about you.

The bottom line is that he clearly doesn't know what he wants, regardless of what he says (and he keeps saying different things).

One minute he says he loves you, the next he says all romantic feelings for you have gone. It's so confusing for you and I wish I could give you a hug and him a slap.

You think you know what will happen, but you really don't.

You are just hoping that he'll come around.

[ExpatInItaly]

58 minutes ago, desirefire said:

Its just like loosing a friend for a while that comes back, it takes a couple of weeks to trust again and find back to the bond. To bad he cant see that.

You're not getting it, girl. 

It's not about him "not seeing" it.  When someone loses the desire to work on building the bond again or regaining trust, it's completely over. He isn't clueless. He knows it would take work. 

But he doesn't want what you want anymore. You have to drop the idea of being friends with him, too. Maybe in the future, but not now. It will devastate you to be friends and then eventually watch him meet and fall in love with someone else. Don't do that to yourself. 

It will take time to let go of your feelings for him. But it will happen. 

Edited August 25, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[desirefire]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You're not getting it, girl. 

It's not about him "not seeing" it.  When someone loses the desire to work on building the bond again or regaining trust, it's completely over. He isn't clueless. He knows it would take work. 

But he doesn't want what you want anymore. You have to drop the idea of being friends with him, too. Maybe in the future, but not now. It will devastate you to be friends and then eventually watch him meet and fall in love with someone else. Don't do that to yourself. 

It will take time to let go of your feelings for him. But it will happen. 

so he had the desire for two weeks and we kinda talked for hours about the future and suddenly he got overwhelmed he wants to be alone ? He wants a family just like me I know it, he also said he was desperate kinda when he meet his new gf, they alredy planned a future and didnt even know eachother. He said he was desperate and didnt understand why he lead her on. He like her and he dont like her. This is his own word without even me asking, I just listned and supported. I asked if he was really sure this is what he wants. I donno I been lead on for two weeks just because his ambivalens, its okey but just such a waist of time. And f*** no romantic feelings, want them back work for it then 😅

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, desirefire said:

And f*** no romantic feelings, want them back work for it then 😅

This is my point. He doesn't want them back anymore. 

You need to move on, desire. 

[JTSW]

4 minutes ago, desirefire said:

so he had the desire for two weeks and we kinda talked for hours about the future and suddenly he got overwhelmed he wants to be alone ? He wants a family just like me I know it, he also said he was desperate kinda when he meet his new gf, they alredy planned a future and didnt even know eachother. He said he was desperate and didnt understand why he lead her on. He like her and he dont like her. This is his own word without even me asking, I just listned and supported. I asked if he was really sure this is what he wants. I donno I been lead on for two weeks just because his ambivalens, its okey but just such a waist of time. And f*** no romantic feelings, want them back work for it then 😅

Have you ever considered that he is just lying to you?

Because I really think he is.

He says the girl was a rebound, he don't really like her and don't know why he dated her.

If that was true, then why did it take him soooo long to break it off with her?

And why is he still talking to her if he doesn't like her?

I'm sorry OP, I think everything he is telling you is BS.

You are hanging on and hoping as hard as you can, but it will all be for nothing in the end.

He wants a family like you do, but that doesn't mean he wants a family with you.

I feel that you are greatly deluding yourself into believing his BS.

I think you need to read back of all your comments where hopefully you will see that this guy is not being honest with you.

[desirefire]

11 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Have you ever considered that he is just lying to you?

Because I really think he is.

He says the girl was a rebound, he don't really like her and don't know why he dated her.

If that was true, then why did it take him soooo long to break it off with her?

And why is he still talking to her if he doesn't like her?

I'm sorry OP, I think everything he is telling you is BS.

You are hanging on and hoping as hard as you can, but it will all be for nothing in the end.

He wants a family like you do, but that doesn't mean he wants a family with you.

I feel that you are greatly deluding yourself into believing his BS.

I think you need to read back of all your comments where hopefully you will see that this guy is not being honest with you.

I have all messages stil and its actually him leading me on in the end so delusional im not. And I also remember everythibg he says. Like him I remember and he doesnt. I analyse things more. I just think he is ambivalent but he doesnt want to be with neither of us. He seemed genuine when we talked in real life, hime likes her but its so many problems and he doesnt like her at the same time. I do belive him but I also think He lies for him self.  

[JTSW]

6 minutes ago, desirefire said:

I have all messages stil and its actually him leading me on in the end so delusional im not. And I also remember everythibg he says. Like him I remember and he doesnt. I analyse things more. I just think he is ambivalent but he doesnt want to be with neither of us. He seemed genuine when we talked in real life, hime likes her but its so many problems and he doesnt like her at the same time. I do belive him but I also think He lies for him self.  

Messages don't matter, they still could all be lies.

Remembering things he said doesn't matter, they still could all be lies.

You just desperately want to believe everything he says when we can all see here that it is all BS.

You are really hanging on here and making excuses for him, but I'm sorry OP, you ARE delusional about him.

You are assuming and analysing far to much.

You will never have what you want with this guy.

Edited August 25, 2023 by JTSW

[desirefire]

9 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Messages don't matter, they still could all be lies.

Remembering things he said doesn't matter, they still could all be lies.

You just desperately want to believe everything he says when we can all see here that it is all BS.

You are really hanging on here and making excuses for him, but I'm sorry OP, you ARE delusional about him.

You are assuming and analysing far to much.

You will never have what you want with this guy.

I know and question do I want him? Yes but today I feel like nah he didnt love me. Maby he did but doesnt feel like that at all. 

[desirefire]

1 minute ago, desirefire said:

I know and question do I want him? Yes but today I feel like nah he didnt love me. Maby he did but doesnt feel like that at all. 

Today I feel kinda pissed to be honest 😅 Maby its good. I hope it give me motivation to move on. Thanks for the support everyone. ❤️ 

[JTSW]

12 minutes ago, desirefire said:

Today I feel kinda pissed to be honest 😅 Maby its good. I hope it give me motivation to move on. Thanks for the support everyone. ❤️ 

We are here for you whenever you need to talk.

We don't want to see you hurt x

[Samantha11]

13 hours ago, desirefire said:

Today I feel kinda pissed to be honest 😅 Maby its good. I hope it give me motivation to move on. Thanks for the support everyone. ❤️ 

I hope you get the motivation too. 🤗

[desirefire]

wow, I downloaded badoo just to get my mind of him a bit. Just to talk with others see a bit how it feels.  And guess what he is there to, online. I deleted the app asap my heart jumped out of my chest....

Edited August 26, 2023 by desirefire

[ExpatInItaly]

Maybe in some ways it was good for you to see that, though I get why it stings. 

It's a cold dose of reality that he wants to meet someone else. Keep that in mind if you ever get the urge to reach out to him. 

[desirefire]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Maybe in some ways it was good for you to see that, though I get why it stings. 

It's a cold dose of reality that he wants to meet someone else. Keep that in mind if you ever get the urge to reach out to him. 

he cares about me , I can allways call him, he is still not sure. In my as. He is dishonest and he doesnt give a s*** about me. Sorry but this is really bad he knows how sad iv been because of the situation, I had bad consiouness for his gf and was sad because he said so many beautiful things and then suddenly not sure. And now this. He cant say no it will never be us. He wants to dip around. Its very obvious. Im never reaching out to him again, I only want my money back and Im done. No friendship no nothing. I feel sorry not only for myself but also his gf and all other women. I am selfish from time to time , but this this is just extreamly selfish and very bad. When I broke up at least I was honest! 

Edited August 26, 2023 by desirefire

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, desirefire said:

this is just extreamly selfish and very bad.

I am a bit confused. 

He is single. You dumped him. Why can't he go on a dating app? 

[desirefire]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

I am a bit confused. 

He is single. You dumped him. Why can't he go on a dating app? 

he have been sitting for two weeks behind his gf saying he wants to give us a new chanse, we talked about future, he love me  bla bla bla. And he wants to be with me right away, and suddenly we meet and he change and still says he wants to be with me and stuff but he acts total jerk for days, and now he says he doesnt know what he wants he need to think but he never says no I dont want to continue giving us a try. I mean this is very selfish. He knows iv been sad he have also said to me hold on and stuff. Were not together but we have a bond. What if i did this to a friend? or someone I care about. Being totally ambivalent and dishonest when he allredy know he doesnt want to continue trying. And He knows I have hope. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, desirefire said:

He knows iv been sad he have also said to me hold on and stuff. Were not together but we have a bond

I realize this. 

However, what you also need to understand is that he is a free agent. That's the risk you take when you dump someone. You aren't owed his loyalty anymore.  He shouldn't have told you to hold on, no. And you shouldn't have kept waiting in the wings even when you knew he was dating someone else. 

You have both made mistakes here. He's not the only one who could learn from this - kindly, you have some lessons to learn here too. It's beyond time to let go. 

[desirefire]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I realize this. 

However, what you also need to understand is that he is a free agent. That's the risk you take when you dump someone. You aren't owed his loyalty anymore.  He shouldn't have told you to hold on, no. And you shouldn't have kept waiting in the wings even when you knew he was dating someone else. 

You have both made mistakes here. He's not the only one who could learn from this - kindly, you have some lessons to learn here too. It's beyond time to let go. 

yes I learned slot but He have been saying just to much. Just to much. He also said no one else is and option til iv decided. He hasnt given me an anwser still. And he showed me he allredy know and just have me as an option. What if i did this to multiple dated whom I seem serious about? I dont think alot of people would like that.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, desirefire said:

I dont think alot of people would like that.

I didn't say you have to like it. 

My point is that you need to be more realistic about this entire situation. You dumped him. He dated someone else, broke up with her (kind of), and is keeping you and she both at arm's length now. He's going back and forth on what he wants. It should come as no great shock that he's also exploring other options, which much as it hurts, is his right. It has been from the moment you broke up with him, regardless of what happened in between. 

Let this be your indicator that it's really over. In the future, don't wait around while your dumpee (or dumper) decides what they won't. Don't offer yourself up as a distraction, friend, or anything else. Keep a wide, wide distance. 

 

[desirefire]

14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I didn't say you have to like it. 

My point is that you need to be more realistic about this entire situation. You dumped him. He dated someone else, broke up with her (kind of), and is keeping you and she both at arm's length now. He's going back and forth on what he wants. It should come as no great shock that he's also exploring other options, which much as it hurts, is his right. It has been from the moment you broke up with him, regardless of what happened in between. 

Let this be your indicator that it's really over. In the future, don't wait around while your dumpee (or dumper) decides what they won't. Don't offer yourself up as a distraction, friend, or anything else. Keep a wide, wide distance. 

 

I do understand but how come alot of exex get back together and some succed?:)