Saw my ex after 4 years

[joemesina]

Hello all

Its been some time since I wrote on this page. As the title said I saw my ex on a wedding, Me and my ex have been broken for 7 years we were in a 7 year relation we were both our first serious relation, it was a tough breakup because she was the one who ended it and I wanted her back so much until I managed to get on my feet after a few months and move on, and so I did, I found a new girl, I married her and we have newborn son, I have been happy with my wife, and I love her, although my ex always orbited in my mind in a passive way, sometimes I stalked her on social media, and from time to time I had dreams we meet and started talking but just in a friendly matter.

So we saw each other, (she was in great shape, very fit, looked beautifull, my wife doesnt have a bad body either but is not as good as hers) to continue the story we hugged, she met my son and my wife everthing went normal, we talked a bit at some point and wished each other well. There were some mishaps at the end of the party with the wife but all was settled. The issue here is that the day after I started feeling a bit sorrow, as I started to miss my ex and started to remember our past relation, but I dont want her back, I say that with heavy words, because I admit I still have some feelings for her, but I know is over and have been for a while, I also love my wife and my son and I wouldnt do anything to destroy our marriage and the life we have.

My ex now lives in another country more oriented in developing her career so that has helped alot in helping me in moving on as to avoid ocassionaly seeing her becuase she is very close with my cousin.

I wanted to add her on instagram, or maybe maintain somekind of friendly contact but I think it wouldnt be healthy for me and I think my wife wouldnt like it either, so thats not an option

Well I wanted to blow some steam

thanks for reading.

[glows]

Keep posting here instead of contacting your ex. Post here in this thread that you’ve started. It’s fine to have these thoughts and feelings - you’re nostalgic and remembering the past. Just continue to recognize that acting on those thoughts is inappropriate. 

How is home life now? Kids can take up so much time and energy.

Edited August 8, 2023 by glows

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, joemesina said:

I wanted to add her on instagram, or maybe maintain somekind of friendly contact but I think it wouldnt be healthy for me and I think my wife wouldnt like it .

It's great you moved forward with a nice family. Agree the social media is a no fly zone. Perhaps this ex represents carefree youth and adventure and that's why is a constant memory? Anyway. Enjoy your new life. Perhaps this will give you closure.

Edited August 8, 2023 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

It's good you're not going to add her to your Instagram.  It's best to leave sleeping dogs alone before you create an obsession.

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, joemesina said:

I wanted to add her on instagram, or maybe maintain somekind of friendly contact but I think it wouldnt be healthy for me and I think my wife wouldnt like it either, so thats not an option

Nope.  Not a good idea at all.  You can't stay "friends".  You are her are not "friends".  Leave her alone.  It's ok to think about her, this is totally normal and it doesn't make you a bad person. Give yourself a break and it will fade away with time.

[Bue-aidez]

I'm happy you're in a good place now and you realise what is right and what is wrong. Keep trusting yourself! 

[JTSW]

12 hours ago, joemesina said:

she was in great shape, very fit, looked beautifull, my wife doesnt have a bad body either but is not as good as hers

Bit hurtful of you to say something like this.

12 hours ago, joemesina said:

I admit I still have some feelings for her, but I know is over and have been for a while, I also love my wife and my son and I wouldnt do anything to destroy our marriage and the life we have.

You already are by comparing her and your wife.

You're harbouring feelings for another woman.

Definitely don't add her on your social media because stalking her there will cause a whole mass of trouble.

You say you're over her but you clearly aren't. 

I think you should be honest with your wife about all this.

Edited August 9, 2023 by JTSW

[mark clemson]

Yes, sometimes you have to let the one who got away be the one who got away. You have built a life without this person and, despite your sentiments, that's your actual life.

You probably idealize her to some extent. If you were to "throw away everything" to chase after her, you'd probably end up disappointed as  a) it's extremely unlikely she'd actually live up to your expectations, which are founded on the experiences of a prior time in your (and her) life and  b) it sounds like she probably doesn't like you as much as you (still) like her.

You clearly realize what you have to do, and sticking to that seems very much to be the correct path. As the old saying goes, "you can never go back".

Edited August 9, 2023 by mark clemson

[joemesina]

On 8/8/2023 at 3:18 PM, glows said:

How is home life now? Kids can take up so much time and energy.

Home life is good, although because our baby it has comed with big changes that we are learning to adapt.

On 8/8/2023 at 3:51 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Perhaps this ex represents carefree youth and adventure and that's why is a constant memory? Anyway.

I lost my virginity with her and she lost hers with me, before knowing her, every girl I dated were never succesful, all lost interest in me, I presume also by my lack of expirience, But with this girl everthing went perfect, it was like l was floating, we had amazing sex or so I thought.

 

On 8/8/2023 at 4:02 PM, stillafool said:

It's good you're not going to add her to your Instagram.  It's best to leave sleeping dogs alone before you create an obsession.

definitely wont add her to instragam, that wont do me any good and the wife wont like it either, will let that dog sleep.

 

23 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Nope.  Not a good idea at all.  You can't stay "friends".  You are her are not "friends".  Leave her alone.  It's ok to think about her, this is totally normal and it doesn't make you a bad person. Give yourself a break and it will fade away with time.

I understand, friendship wont do any good to me, will leave her alone and I expect she will also leave me alone. I hope it fades away soon to previous levels so I can concentrate in making the wife happier.

19 hours ago, Bue-aidez said:

I'm happy you're in a good place now and you realise what is right and what is wrong. Keep trusting yourself! 

Thanks, I also think I am in good place and dont want to screw this. Will work more on myself and my marriage.

13 hours ago, JTSW said:

Bit hurtful of you to say something like this.

I also think it was hurfull

 

13 hours ago, JTSW said:

You're harbouring feelings for another woman.

Its true, I cannot hide it, she left a big mark on me, although I have learned to accept it and live with it

 

13 hours ago, JTSW said:

You say you're over her but you clearly aren't. 

As mentioned above I have learned to live with those thoughts, I may never get completeley over her, that is fine with me. My wife and my son makes me happy and that is all I need.

 

6 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Yes, sometimes you have to let the one who got away be the one who got away. You have built a life without this person and, despite your sentiments, that's your actual life.

You probably idealize her to some extent. If you were to "throw away everything" to chase after her, you'd probably end up disappointed as  a) it's extremely unlikely she'd actually live up to your expectations, which are founded on the experiences of a prior time in your (and her) life and  b) it sounds like she probably doesn't like you as much as you (still) like her.

You clearly realize what you have to do, and sticking to that seems very much to be the correct path. As the old saying goes, "you can never go back".

She may be the one that got away, but I dont have any regrets I have comed to a point that I am happy with my wife and with my son and I wont do anythong to put that in danger

It is probably true that I did Idealize her or what she represented in some point my life, I will never ever chase again, I did it before wanting to get her back and I failed misserably.

I know what to do and will continue doing it which is loving my wife and make her happy. The past is the past