Discovered she is cheating, should I confront or just break up without telling her I know?

[Cristoforo]

Gf was texting with some guy when she was right next me, out of the corner of my eye I saw some suspicious texts. I had been suspicious of her for a good while. When she walked away I looked at her messages and confirmed what’s going on. I know I invaded her privacy but I don’t care. Confirmed my fears. Do I tell her know? And how I know? She’s seeing a married guy, could I tell her his wife told me or do I just tell her I went through her messages? Or do I just break up with her and never tell her I found out. This sucks because I really love this person but I deserve someone who will be loyal.

[Alpacalia]

Why did you decide to snoop through her messages in the first place? Was it a one-time thing, or something you do often?

It sounds like you have your mind made up that this is a dealbreaker for you. If that is the case, then it is best to just tell her you are ending the relationship and not mention how you came to this conclusion. 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

 I looked at her messages. She’s seeing a married guy, 

Something must have made you suspicious like the quality of the relationship deteriorating. It seems you would rather not reveal the snooping, so just tell her it's not working out and walk away. Obviously cheating is a deal breaker. Nothing worth trying to work out here. Cut your losses.

 

[Cristoforo]

7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Why did you decide to snoop through her messages in the first place? Was it a one-time thing, or something you do often?

It sounds like you have your mind made up that this is a dealbreaker for you. If that is the case, then it is best to just tell her you are ending the relationship and not mention how you came to this conclusion. 

Because I saw a message out of the corner of my eye asking this guy if he was available to meet up soon. And I knew who this guy was. Some dude from her past she actually told me about and even told me years ago that before we met she hooked up with him while he was married. So I knew something was up. 

[Cristoforo]

I honestly want to burn everything down and message this guy’s wife. I really should. This woman doesn’t deserve this.

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

I honestly want to burn everything down and message this guy’s wife. I really should. This woman doesn’t deserve this.

If you choose this route, make sure you supply evidence

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

I honestly want to burn everything down and message this guy’s wife.

You're angry, you could do that but your GF will be waiting with open arms if his wife leaves him. 

[Cristoforo]

Just now, basil67 said:

If you choose this route, make sure you supply evidence

I have evidence. It came from my own girlfriend’s mouth years ago. She told me she hooked up with this guy when they went to certain concerts together and his wife didn’t go. I mean I have specifics about his past infidelity. I mainly want to ruin this guy’s marriage and just sending a message to his wife will make her question what’s going on 

[Cristoforo]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

You're angry, you could do that but your GF will be waiting with open arms if his wife leaves him. 

And at this point I don’t care. Cheating is a deal breaker. I’m done with her. 

[Cristoforo]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're angry, you could do that but your GF will be waiting with open arms if his wife leaves him. 

So what if I’m angry? Why the hell shouldn’t I be????

[Kassieee]

26 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

Because I saw a message out of the corner of my eye asking this guy if he was available to meet up soon. And I knew who this guy was. Some dude from her past she actually told me about and even told me years ago that before we met she hooked up with him while he was married. So I knew something was up. 

Don't feel bad for looking at her texts. It happens.

Disappear out of her life with no explanation, she doesn't deserve one. 

[Alpacalia]

Why do you want to hurt this guy's wife? The issue is with your girlfriend who had no integrity by cheating and by messing with a married man. Don't let her actions become a reflection on you.

[Cristoforo]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Why do you want to hurt this guy's wife? The issue is with your girlfriend who had no integrity by cheating and by messing with a married man. Don't let her actions become a reflection on you.

Maybe because she deserves to know the truth? Lol are you serious? Yeah let’s just let this woman be married to a cheater. She deserves to know what’s going on

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Cristoforo said:

Maybe because she deserves to know the truth? Lol are you serious? Yeah let’s just let this woman be married to a cheater. She deserves to know what’s going on

You don't care that she deserves to know the truth, you are only doing it out of spite. Let's be real.

Edited August 12, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Kassieee]

Yes let the wife know, show the proof if you got it, if not don't bother. And you move on.

Edited August 12, 2023 by justaskingok

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Cristoforo said:

. It came from my own girlfriend’s mouth years ago. She told me she hooked up with this guy 

Is this the same woman?:

 

[Cristoforo]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the same woman?:

 

Yep, I see you went through my previous posts. 

[glows]

Just end it if it’s not working for you. Don’t spend so much energy on dead ends.

[Weezy1973]

The two times I suspected my partner of cheating I just ended it. Didn’t even mention the cheating. Once trust is gone, what’s the point. 

[Alvi]

Just end things. She is just a girlfriend, not your wife. To be fair, just being a BF and GF is not that serious level of commitment. It may end at any time for any reason or for no reason. So, yeah, end things if  you don't want to put up with her cheating any longer. Doesn't really matter how you chose to end things. Just end it.

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

You don't care that she deserves to know the truth, you are only doing it out of spite. Let's be real.

Actually, I agree with Alpacalia. You just want a revenge against your GF and this dude. Do you care what might happen when his wife learns the truth?  So, she is going to know, and then what? She might get utterly depressed or suicidal. Or what if the argument escalates and things might get violet and out of control and someone may get hurt. What if there are kids involved ? Or she may do absolutely nothing. She may not leave him, especially if there are kids or money involved. Or, for all you know, they have an open relationship and he is not really doing anything wrong. Are you sure you want to open that Pandora's box? Point is, once she knows would it make you feel vindicated somehow? Your beef is with your girlfriend and not this other dude and his wife.

[Cristoforo]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

You don't care that she deserves to know the truth, you are only doing it out of spite. Let's be real.

Wow so you think people don’t deserve to know the truth? It’s so obvious you’ve never been cheated on. 

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, Cristoforo said:

Wow so you think people don’t deserve to know the truth? It’s so obvious you’ve never been cheated on. 

If you say so.

You didn't care about the man's wife when your girlfriend told you she fooled around with a married man when you met her and now all of a sudden it bothers you? Anyway, if your heart is truly in the right place and you want to protect this man's wife, then by all means, fire away.

I know you're upset that your girlfriend cheated on you and you have my sympathy but clearly you think that telling the man's wife is your place. You said that cheating is a deal breaker for you, so I assume you don't want to continue your relationship with her but getting yourself involved in this triangle is exactly what you'd be doing.

Pack your bags and find a different hill to die on.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

I mainly want to ruin this guy’s marriage 

You could try but it may not work. 

[princessaurora]

If this girl is actually texting another man to hang out with while she's right next you, she already has one foot out the door.

Drop her like a hot potato. She has no respect for you.  

[Cristoforo]

26 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

If this girl is actually texting another man to hang out with while she's right next you, she already has one foot out the door.

Drop her like a hot potato. She has no respect for you.  

I should. And also ruin it with this guy in the process by telling his wife.