Discovered she is cheating, should I confront or just break up without telling her I know?

[Alpacalia]

12 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

You’re right. No more self-pity. 

I usually am. 🤪

Aww, I am not trying to give you a hard time.

I'm just saying that there is nothing more unattractive then someone feeling sorry for themselves. Look at yourself, you're monitoring her text messages like a dog with a bone - that's not an attractive look.

This woman clearly does not value you or your relationship. If she can't be with you out of loyalty, it's time to move onto something different. You can show strength and brains by walking away, rather than staying in a situation that's toothless and making you miserable.

Edited August 22, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

On 8/20/2023 at 8:12 PM, Cristoforo said:

 his message was “Did you break up with your man?”. She never responded.  I don’t have any hard evidence that she had sex with this married guy.

  She's telling men she has a BF (you)?It almost seems like you're suspicious about her activities but unsure if she's actually cheating. 

[Cristoforo]

Been traveling for work again so still haven’t done the deed, but I’m pulling the plug on Sunday. Been rehearsing what I’m going to say in my head but I’m sure it will come out differently. Wish me luck.

[JTSW]

9 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

I’m pulling the plug on Sunday

You wont.

It's been far too long so I can't see you going through with it.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

Been traveling for work again so still haven’t done the deed, but I’m pulling the plug on Sunday. Been rehearsing what I’m going to say in my head but I’m sure it will come out differently. Wish me luck.

Good luck with this. 

It won't be easy, and you're right that it will probably unfold differently from what you have in mind, but it needs to happen. The relationship is limping towards its end in any case, so remember that you're simply avoiding dragging out the inevitable by putting a stop to it now. 

[princessaurora]

Please don't chicken out this time. I know it's hard. I had to walk away from a 4 yr relationship when I went from gf to one of multiple girls he was sleeping with. I tolerated it like an idiot at first, but then I realized no self respecting person would tolerate that foolishness. You are worth more than that. Take the smidgen of self respect you still have and end this circus. 

[Cristoforo]

It’s over. I had to stop lying to myself thinking this relationship could be salvaged. It was very hard and I’ve been crying a lot today. While I know I did the right thing I still feel incredible sadness over the end of such a long relationship. I also have fears of loneliness and being alone or never finding someone else. I’m sure it will get better in time but right now it’s hard. 

[Alpacalia]

Good call.

You're going to rearrange your life and all the environments you once shared.

Over time, you'll realize that things do become smoother as more time goes by.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

It’s over. I had to stop lying to myself thinking this relationship could be salvaged. It was very hard and I’ve been crying a lot today. While I know I did the right thing I still feel incredible sadness over the end of such a long relationship. I also have fears of loneliness and being alone or never finding someone else. I’m sure it will get better in time but right now it’s hard. 

Good for you, Cristoforo. 

Many do not have the stregnth to do what you did. But you absolutely did the right thing. This wasn't the relationship of your lifetime. Stay strong, man. 

Edited August 28, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[Cristoforo]

16 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Good for you, Cristoforo. 

Many do not have the stregnth to do what you did. But you absolutely did the right thing. This wasn't the relationship of your lifetime. Stay strong, man. 

Thanks. I’m in no hurry to rush into any kind of relationship now. I need to do some work on myself and learn to be comfortable not being with someone. I guess I never really was comfortable being a lone without a partner.

[princessaurora]

Take all the time you need to heal and grow. It will feel strange for awhile but this is also the time to find yourself again because we do tend to lose who we are a bit in toxic relationships. But rest assured you did the right thing because you did not deserve to have an unfaithful girlfriend and the fact she messes around with married people tells you she only cares about herself. It is truly her loss and your life will be so much better without someone like her in it. 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

. I need to do some work on myself and learn to be comfortable not being with someone.

Sorry this happened. Did you ever find out if she was really cheating or not? Has she tried to contact you?  Did you ever reveal your findings from going through her phone or express the reason for ending it?

[Cristoforo]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Did you ever find out if she was really cheating or not? Has she tried to contact you?  Did you ever reveal your findings from going through her phone or express the reason for ending it?

Despite my anger I decided to just walk away without revealing what I knew. I’m 99 percent sure she’s cheating but never had any hard evidence but I’m smart enough to know the definite signs. But I just told her it just seemed like her feelings for me weren’t there anymore and I didn’t get the vibe from her that she was on the same level as me in terms of romantic interest and said I need to walk away. Kind of left her in shock. And she has tried to contact me and the hardest part has been not responding. 

[princessaurora]

2 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

Despite my anger I decided to just walk away without revealing what I knew. I’m 99 percent sure she’s cheating but never had any hard evidence but I’m smart enough to know the definite signs. But I just told her it just seemed like her feelings for me weren’t there anymore and I didn’t get the vibe from her that she was on the same level as me in terms of romantic interest and said I need to walk away. Kind of left her in shock. And she has tried to contact me and the hardest part has been not responding. 

Wow, I can't believe you were able to do that, but good for you. Resisting communication is definitely the hardest part. Mine kept blowing my phone up, but I just ignored him. Then he got so frustrated he showed up at my workplace thinking I would talk to him. Nope, I got my manager to throw him out so he knew I meant business.

Just put your focus elsewhere (hobbies, hanging with friends, volunteering) and soon you won't even be paying attention to her attempts at contact.

Stay strong, my friend. 🥰

Edited August 29, 2023 by princessaurora

[semble]

4 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

Despite my anger I decided to just walk away without revealing what I knew. I’m 99 percent sure she’s cheating but never had any hard evidence but I’m smart enough to know the definite signs. 

You had more than enough to walk away without knowing how deep was the rabbit hole.

 

Good job

[TheJuan]

On 8/12/2023 at 6:21 PM, Alpacalia said:

Why did you decide to snoop through her messages in the first place? Was it a one-time thing, or something you do often?

Does that make a difference? I mean, I presume the guy is sexually active with this girl... has his face all up in her b-ness, licks and sticks his tongue in very private parts... but the phone is off limits.

HUH?? 

[TheJuan]

On 8/29/2023 at 12:27 PM, Cristoforo said:

Despite my anger I decided to just walk away without revealing what I knew. I’m 99 percent sure she’s cheating but never had any hard evidence but I’m smart enough to know the definite signs. But I just told her it just seemed like her feelings for me weren’t there anymore and I didn’t get the vibe from her that she was on the same level as me in terms of romantic interest and said I need to walk away. Kind of left her in shock. And she has tried to contact me and the hardest part has been not responding. 

And you shouldn't. Stick to the 180º.