Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 I'm 44 and met a woman online about 3 months ago. We hit it off and have an unbelievable amount in common. Talked almost every night from 8 till midnight. Things progressed quickly in the feelings department and it wasn't long before the I love yous from both of us and her telling me that I checked all her boxes. We were able to talk out any issues like adults. Neither of us was being needy of clingy and everything was beautiful. I was positive I was going to marry this woman. Well, right about the third month she changed and started pulling back. The I love yous were rare and all the talk about a future together had all but stopped on her end. She told me she was scared and needed space which I respected and during this time she has continued to text me about small stuff such as a " good moring" or a "hey". Well this week I just simply didn't text her back for 4 days just to see the reaction. I finally texted her yesterday and told her I was just busy with work and was working on expanding my horizons, meaning new hobbies and interests. She seemed to almost be irritated by the fact that I'm doing me and taking care of me. I'm probably overthinking this, but why does she tell me " I don't see this working out" and " I need space" but continue to text me? It just all seems like a game. I don't want to play games!! You want me or you don't! I'm so in love with this woman and It's breaking my heart because I want what I know we could have together, but I am prepared to walk away of needed. She had a really messed up childhood and from what I know dated jerk that treated her poorly and now here I am, the good guy and she runs. I believe it's a " I'm gonna hurt you before you hurt me" thing. I'm soo confused and hurting over this. Any advice is gratefully appreciated! Thanks Guys!! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 33 minutes ago, Damaged Goods said: but why does she tell me " I don't see this working out" and " I need space" but continue to text me? This is a very good question and one which you should ask her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 So simple and so wise basil67, but talking about "us" she shuts down and tells me " I can't tell you anything right now" Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 In that case, use a boundary. Tell her that while you would love to have a relationship with her, if she can't see this working out then she should stop wasting your time with texts. I know it will hurt short term, but it's better than allowing her to string you along Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 That's unfortunately kinda where I'm at mentally is that I just need to let her go. I appreciate you taking time to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 1 hour ago, Damaged Goods said: I'm 44 and met a woman online about 3 months ago. We hit it off and have an unbelievable amount in common. Talked almost every night from 8 till midnight. Have you met in person? How often do you see each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Yes, we've seen each other 3 times so far. With my job I can usually only see about once every 2 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 I was thinking of moving closer to her which, she was all for and now says it's better having me 5 hours away Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 2 minutes ago, Damaged Goods said: Yes, we've seen each other 3 times.I was thinking of moving closer to her which, she was all for and now says it's better having me 5 hours away Sorry this happened. Unfortunately there's too much distance and 3 in-person get-togethers isn't enough time to build rapport or a relationship. Please don't uproot your life for someone who is distancing themselves. Date locally so you can enjoy company, intimacy and all the things relationships are about. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 Why is she scared? You can’t really have a relationship if there’s no communication. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 I am too, but it's an unfortunate part of love. I appreciate your advise and taking time to reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Glows, She's had a rough past, one filled with a lot of dysfunction. She just tells me she's scared of commitment and I think of maybe losing herself in a relationship and definitely getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Two things I'm struggling with is 1. As a man, I'm all heart and believe love can conquer all 2. I don't like to give up on people, walking away is hard for me. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 Honestly and kindly we all have a past. She needs to get it together before putting herself out there or leading with the idea that a rl is in the cards. Unfortunately you got taken for a ride here for the past few weeks. I’d accept her reasons with some grace and respectfully move on. It’s not very considerate to anyone to have started something in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 I totally agree, if you're not selling, take down you're sign. Agree wholeheartedly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Glows, Thank you taking the time to respond! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 No worries. Keep busy and let this one go. There’s a fine line between romantic and delusional. Stay grounded with people who love you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Needed that! Much love to ya glows!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 When people want to leave your life, let them. These 'too much too fast' situation crash most of the time. I had it done to me a couple of time when dating. It's shocking at first but then you move on fast. Concerning her texting, she is quite selfish, she has no regards for your feelings it's just her and what she wants as if you were at her service. This is not a person you'd want to be in a relationship with. It's time you block her number. For love to conquer all it takes 2 to love. This is not it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Gaeta, I agree that when people want to leave your life you should absolutely let them go and in the past I've always done that....always, but this one is somehow more difficult. Maybe because I believed she was the one...idk...this one is just way more difficult. She did say she wants to keep me in her life, which I will absolutely not do. I won't be 'friends' and watch her move on and have to see another man get what I wanted. I also agree it's selfish that she's wants to do things on her time. I'm a kind, loving and patient man, but only to a point and once the line is crossed that all goes away. I'm not a needy or clingy man and do have some sense to me and I can see that it may be time to let her go. I just think the love bug bit me hard this time and Im holding onto hope in vain. Once again, agree....Definitely dosent seem like love. I much appreciate you taking the time to respond!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 14 minutes ago, Damaged Goods said: She did say she wants to keep me in her life You know what they say: the one wanting to remain friends is the one that loved less. Hang in there, good things end for better things to come our way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Damaged Goods Posted August 13, 2023 Author Share Posted August 13, 2023 Wow! That was kinda powerful! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 15 hours ago, Damaged Goods said: why does she tell me " I don't see this working out" and " I need space" but continue to text me? It is possible that she met someone else and she is just keeping you on the back burner while she explore other options… It’s often the case when people go from red hot to stone cold. My advice, you got a little too excited and you invested too much too soon. Next time, give it more time before you profess your love and start to dream of a future together… Also, when someone tells you that they need space - believe them. Whatever the reason, she is pulling back and your response should be to let her go - not to try to hold her tighter. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 Maybe having such little time to spend together is difficult for her. And it's not going to change either because that's the demand of your job. She cares about you that's obvious enough, hence why she still texts you. But this long distance a lack of time together doesn't work for her anymore. In which case there is nothing you can do about it and just accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 15 hours ago, Damaged Goods said: I'm probably overthinking this, but why does she tell me " I don't see this working out" and " I need space" but continue to text me? Because she doesn't see this working out. Period. Listen to what she is saying and stop trying to force this to work. A lot of people continue to text people, it doesn't take much effort and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. She has probably decided that the long-distance relationship where you are 5 hours apart is just too much trouble and not worth it. You have only seen this woman in person three times. Keep that in mind. A long-distance relationship where you never spend time together in person is not a real relationship. Accept that this has run its course. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts