I went on 2 great dates with her and she updated her dating profile. Should I be worried?

[Alpacalia]

So, you guys have been dating for about a month, huh? It's totally normal to have some concerns, especially since it's still a fresh relationship and you haven't had "the talk" yet.

As for her being online at midnight, well, that could mean anything. Maybe she was chatting with someone, or maybe she was doing something entirely different on her phone, like searching the web. It's hard to say for sure.

Women can get antsy too and when we've been dating someone for a bit and things are still new, it's not uncommon to experience some kind of "where is this going?" kind of thoughts. Like, are we coasting along or is there something here to build on?

So, it's possible that she's feeling the same way, and that's why she might seem a bit reserved or that her attention is going elsewhere. I pointed this out earlier in that you've been very casual about it initially and that could be interpreted as "this doesn't seem to be headed anywhere."

I'm not saying that's definitely the case, or that you have to declare you're undying devotion to her, but it's something to keep in mind when you're communicating with her. As long as you two still make an effort to talk and see each other, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just don't let things linger.

Edited September 6, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

. We haven't had the "talk" and haven't gone home together. I'm wondering now if she's talking to another dude and showing him more enthusiasm. 

That's true. So you're probably both still talking to and meeting others. If you would like to be exclusive, it's fine to have "the talk".

However monitoring her phone activity unfortunately seems like you're not off to a good start if you're doing that rather than paying attention to what's happening in real life in person interactions.

[Gaeta]

A handful of dates over 1 month is enough to bring up exclusivity. She might have a bunch of strangers on Internet telling her to continue dating until you bring up exclusivity. 

As for her being on and off line, when I was online dating I would come across men I had 1-2 dates with and it didn't turned into anything so when we come across each other online we would chitchat about work, kids, life. Doesn't mean she is actively dating someone else. 

As for you having to initiate most communication, I am like that. My bf initiates 80% of our communications and we've been dating a year. I do think about him all day long but I am not a big chit-chatter during work hours, we both have very busy jobs. 

[LostInHisOwnWorld]

She cancelled our plans for tomorrow cus of work but agreed to reschedule to sometime next week. I planned to have the talk with her then, so a bit disappointed, and of course I'm dealing with the irrational worry that she'll meet a guy she likes more in the meantime.

I suppose to clarify, our dates have been fantastic. Lots of hand-holding, kissing, cuddling, talking about deep subject matter, our pasts, etc. She hasn't done or said anything in person to give me the impression that she isn't super keen. She also regularly talks about stuff we'll do in the future. "We might go there next week", "Don't, let me pay. You can do it next time" and so on.

I'll admit I do have a tendency to over-interpret, hence why I've been paying attention to her online activity more than our in-person activity! I know it's my insecurity and my recent failures; it has been a while since I got past the 3rd date. It isn't helped by the fact that I know she's still talking to other guys. I have checked her Followers list on Instagram (bad habit, I know!) and most of the recent additions have been other men around our age, each living in our city or close by. She's keeping her options open! Some people have said it's normal, even after 5 dates, which I hope it is. Part of me believe she's losing interest and she wouldn't be talking to so many other men if she genuinely wanted something to happen between us.

I dunno. I'm trying to discipline myself to focus my thoughts elsewhere. I suppose I'll just have to wait till our next date and see how the talk goes.

[Versacehottie]

7 minutes ago, LostInHisOwnWorld said:

I dunno. I'm trying to discipline myself to focus my thoughts elsewhere. I suppose I'll just have to wait till our next date and see how the talk goes.

I think you should discipline yourself by not looking at what she is doing on IG or online. Honestly....Obviously, it's not a good look if she figures it out that you do...However, more importantly, I truly believe that your anxiety about this will fuel insecurity within you that will do more damage than good. Like if you didn't know she was potentially dating anyone else, and didn't know that she was adding guys on IG, etc, you would only conduct yourself based on the quality of your dates and communication in between dates--which you say is good..ie you'd be presenting your best self likely--rather than this guy with all this extraneous information that serves no purpose except but bog him down with insecurities and worries. There is a whole thing in psychology about this that is sort of hot at the moment but yeah, you shouldn't do it.  It serves no purpose.

It will hurt the same if she dumps you, but the regret you will have from mismanaging yourself or teaching yourself that you can control all the variables will probably only fuel your insecurity, torpedo this budding relationship and spill over into future ones--especially if you think it's normal/ok/helpful to do this. I'm rooting for you but yeah, don't do this. good luck

[mortensorchid]

I'm glad things seemed to be going better your way, but remember, communication is a must with all relationships.  This is no exception.  It sounds like things are good between you two.  If you want to take it to the next level, ask her.  If she says no, that's your answer; if she says yes, that's you're answer.  

Think I am too literal?  I will give you two excellent examples :

A) Years ago (and I have sited this many times on this forum) I met this guy on Match.  We would get together a grand total of 6 times to eat dinner in a restaurant.  I would always choose the place.  I asked him what he liked to do for fun and what his interests were, he said he needed to find something else to do with his time other than play cards with his buddies on the weekend.  He never even asked me my last name, I don't remember his first.  Chances are if you questioned him, he wouldn't remember my first name either.  We probably won't recognize each other if we ran into one another. 

B) Last year, I met someone by accident on Facebook.  We got to chatting through banter, then I DMed him to ask him a few questions about my old theatre company as I saw he had posted some photos of the place.  We got to chatting further, then we met.  We went out on three dates, and I got scared thinking that I can't do this.  I walked away for a few days, then I came back and asked if I could ask a rude question or two.  He responded and I explained myself.  Did he want to go to the next level?  He said yes.  We've been together ever since.