Starting a LDR with a Thai lady.

[PeteA]

Okay, I'm always ready for advice from those who have been there, done that and got the tee shirt. 

I've met a Thai lady (52) on a dating site for seniors ( I'm 70). We both were honest about looking for a spouse. She's been separated for three years and says the divorce is coming soon, I'm divorced for five. She has a 15 yr. old son, owns her own farm and evidenced no interest in leaving Thailand. When I asked for her address in order to send flowers she told me "Thanks, but when you come here you can give them to me." She says she's in no hurry. No apparent interest in my finances, just wants someone with a good heart. Says we'll take it step by step. If we're compatible, I'll visit in April (my choice). Then we'll figure out where to go from there. To put it in perspective, we've been texting each other every day for about a week now. The texts are short, (her English isn't too good) not romantic (we both realize it's difficult to have romantic feelings for each other right now) and very relaxed. I'm thinking we're just two oldsters looking for company and willing to roll the dice on this. But this is someone from an entirely different culture. So I may be missing the big flick. I'd appreciate input from anyone with experience in this sort of thing.

 

[glows]

Friend of a friend sort of thing and don’t recommend it as there is potential for a lot of heartache. Are you planning to move to Thailand?

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, PeteA said:

 says the divorce is coming soon, . I'm thinking we're just two oldsters looking for company and willing to roll the dice on this. 

Agree that's what it seems like. However she's still married and probably living with her husband so try to date locally.  Please read up on romance scams, just to be on the safe side. They never ask for anything upfront, they wait until you're hooked in. 

[BaileyB]

Also my question - are you planning to move to Thailand? Because, if you are not - this is a huge waste of both of your time. 

I would be very cautious about this kind of thing… so much so that I would never do it. The risk is high, and the possibility that this will turn into a legitimate relationship is low. Personally, I have no interest in moving to Thailand - particularly in my retirement. And I have no interest being in a relationship with someone that I can not see in person. 

Be very cautious - it’s very easy for people to misrepresent themselves when you don’t ever see them in real life…

Edited August 13, 2023 by BaileyB

[JTSW]

Don't get involved with a woman that's still married.

You only know what she has text you which could all be bs.

She could be luring you to Thailand for more sinister reasons.

I get bad vibes.

[MsJayne]

Proceed with great caution. By offering to send flowers you've let her know that you're generous. By refusing your offer she's reinforced the image you have of her being uninterested in your finances, she's already gained your trust 😈. Have you only spoken to her on the 'phone or have you face-timed her? Or are you only texting? I ask because if you haven't face-timed her and ensured that the person you're speaking to is the same person in the photo's on the date site profile, please do this. If possible, follow it up by finding her on social media and checking things like photo's and posts against what she's told you about herself. Your woman may be genuine, and Thailand is a beautiful country, and she may have her own farm, (but be warned, a "farm" in rural Thailand could mean three chickens and a buffalo which live in the house with you), but I recommend being very careful, because it's reasonably likely she's a bloke in Bangkok. Did she end up giving you her address in Thailand? Or did she avoid it by refusing the flowers? Does she by any chance insist on texting only? 

[LivingWaterPlease]

Pete, long distance R's are very difficult even when within the same country. There are so very many challenges therein.

You've gotten great advice from the above posters. I'd take it to heart.

[Els]

Riddle me this: Why exactly do you think a 50-yo woman from Thailand, who apparently has no interest in ever leaving Thailand, would be on an international dating site?

LDRs, even international LDRs, can work. H and I were LDR at the start and we've been together for 15 years now. However, it's extremely rare for people who actually want a relationship to specifically look for LDRs right off the bat - genuine LDRs usually happen because two people met organically and connected, but happen to live in different countries. I can't honestly see any reason whatsoever for anyone to voluntarily search for people in different countries to "date", unless they have an ulterior motive.

The vast majority of scammers don't reveal their hand until much later in the deal. However, I find it hard to believe, honestly, that a 70-yo man doesn't know that. Can you truly be alive for the better part of a decade and still be so naive? Or do you know it deep down, but for whatever reason you don't want to date women who actually live in your country, so you are trying to make yourself believe that this is a better option?

 

Edited August 14, 2023 by Els

[basil67]

I've known of a couple of older guys who did a long distance thing with Thai ladies (holidaying with her couple of times a year) and then ended up getting married and moving to Thailand.   If you chose a nice area, it would be a fantastic place to see out your years.  

[Ageless Wisdom23]

With the experience I have had over the years with LDR(I once married a Muslim out in Egypt), Make sure you Know WHO you are leaving USA soil for.  You need to Face Cam her and get to know her.  Texting is one way to communicate but not the full bowl of jello to know.  Please.  She may not be who she says she is.  Stay PUT and face cam her.  Get to know her.  If you see Red Flags that she will not do That, You need to think twice about "Her."😑

[Samantha11]

LDR's can work, but I agree with the others that it is important to be very, very cautious. There are definitely a lot of scammers out there, and she absolutely could get you hooked and then come up with some sob story about how she needs money, etc. etc. etc. Or she wants to come to this country, and you are her ticket. Hard to say to be honest. Could be anything. 

The poor English and different culture are going to be a big hurdle. I would say even bigger with the poor English, because it will be hard to communicate those hurdles, and communication is key. Plus, if she is still married... I just can't recommend that at all. I would stay away. Far away.

That said, when it comes to LDR (not an LDR with a married person though) everyone is different. I am personally open to meeting someone from many countries in the world, as long as the country is safe, and the person is a match. BUT my situation is very different: I have actually lived in numerous different countries in the past for a very long time, as well as having lived in many different states in this country, and have traveled extensively. This means I learned how to deal with culture shock and cultural adjustments a long time ago. Culture shock and cultural adjustments can be extremely challenging to overcome, and while a different country might seem exciting or even exotic at first, it brings with it a whole boatload of new issues. 

I think if you are "just two oldsters looking for company," as you put it, and clearly not feeling romantic with each other, you should probably look for company elsewhere. There are going to be huge hurdles to overcome here, major risks, and if you are really just looking for company from her, and she is not the ONE, it is going to be more hassle than it is worth. Plus, being older, unless you are well traveled, it is likely you will find adjusting harder. Trust me, when you have been abroad long enough, and start missing home desperately, and seeing all the different laws you have to abide by, or get yelled at because you did something that in this country would be fine, but in another would be offensive, and can't find someone to help you in English, and cannot even figure out what to order on the menu...just a few things you will have to deal with.... you will really want to have the ONE standing by your side. Not just "company." 

Edited August 24, 2023 by Samantha11