I didn't wear a bra to the store and now my bf is upset

[Natalie04]

Hi!

I would really love a little help please

I went to the store really quick to grab 2 things. I live at home and I was chilling and no bra

I went to the store really quick just to grab 2 things we needed for dinner and I didn't worry about putting a bra on just for that quickly

When I got back home, my bf was here (I had no idea he was coming over) and he was pretty upset at me since i was braless

I probably would have worn a bra if I knew he was going to be here but I still don't think there's anything wrong with braless quickly to the store?

I'm actually pretty shy so I don't go out braless in general

Just wanting to know if that is a super jelous thing that he got so upset?

Or is it a fair reason to be upset?

I mean I'm trying to see it from his point of view too but it was only to the store really quick and even though I don't have big boobs, I know it's noticeable because of the nipple factor but I also think like I was fully clothed still

Any thoughts on it please? Should he be so upset?

 

 

[basil67]

 Were you wearing a heavier fabric or a thin white Tshirt?  Like it or not, it's part of the equation.   

Anyway, I would suggest you consider if he has changed anything he does because of your preferences.  Like less drunken nights out with the boys or dressing nicely when you go out.   If he has, then perhaps wearing a bra all the time is a way you can repay the favour.     But if he's never done anything for you, then you might want do whatever you want.

 

Edited August 13, 2023 by basil67

[Natalie04]

Thanks. No it was just a normal comfy shirt. Nothing see through

[basil67]

So has he ever changed anything he does to make you happy?

[Kassieee]

You should sit him down and ask him why it makes him that upset. A reaction like that over not wearing a bra needs a serious discussion.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Natalie04 said:

When I got back home, my bf was here I had no idea he was coming over

Do you live with your parents? Why is he coming over uninvited and unannounced?

How old is he? How long have you been dating?

Controlling your wardrobe in a sexist possessive manner is a red flag you need to pay careful attention to. So is showing up at your house unannounced.

Next time ask him to leave if he shows up unannounced or starts telling you what you're "allowed" to wear.

Edited August 13, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Alpacalia]

Would you care if he left the house without underwear and see-through pants? 

Edited August 13, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

I'm thinking of the past men in my life and the current one and none of them would have been ok with me running to the store braless. It's a matter of self respect and respect toward your partner.

When we're in a monogamous relationship your body is his, his body is yours. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Natalie04 said:

 Should he be so upset?

Are "allowed" to go to the beach in a swimsuit? Please don't let jealous irrational men run your life. Talk to trusted friends and family about this. Also research "red flags for controlling relationships". 

[Kassieee]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you live with your parents? Why is he coming over uninvited and unannounced?

How old is he? How long have you been dating?

Controlling your wardrobe in a sexist possessive manner is a red flag you need to pay careful attention to. So is showing up at your house unannounced.

Next time ask him to leave if he shows up unannounced or starts telling you what you're "allowed" to wear.

Agreed.

It's not like your intentions was to show off your boobs. Putting on a top and running out the door quick is so relatable, can't believe people make so much of an issue and are judgemental about it. Even if your nips were poking through your top, that's how your breasts naturally look. Your body isn't his for him to control. He can tell you it makes him uncomfortable, but to get mad at you, I don't think you deserve that treatment.

[JTSW]

Would it have been obvious to people that you weren't wearing a bra?

I've gone braless many times.

My husband is perfectly fine with it because no-one would know I was braless to look at me.

But there also have been times when it was obvious (nothing see through) that I wasn't wearing a bra.

This is when my husband does say something to me.

So I'm guessing that even though you wore nothing see through, it was obvious to people that you were braless and it made your bf uncomfortable.

Edited August 13, 2023 by JTSW

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Natalie04 said:

,my bf was here I had no idea he was coming over and he was pretty upset at me since i was braless

Unfortunately sounds like a visit from the Taliban. End it. 

[Weezy1973]

I suspect in his mind he was thinking you did it to get attention from men, or without thinking and you’d still attention from men. And if he’s insecure in himself or the relationship, that will trigger those insecurities. 
 

Most abusive and controlling behavior comes from insecurity and lack of self worth. Doesn’t excuse it of course, and I think he’s being over the top about it. 

[JTSW]

10 hours ago, Natalie04 said:

even though I don't have big boobs, I know it's noticeable because of the nipple factor

So your nipples were on show.

I get why he's upset.

[ShyViolet]

Him showing up at your house unannounced and being there when you got home.... and wanting to control what you wear.... he sounds very controlling.  A controlling boyfriend is not something you should tolerate.  Be very careful with this and please dump him if there are red flags in this relationship.

[glows]

Does he often show up like this unannounced, OP? 

I’m a bit puzzled why he’s so focused on your nips. It does seem like possessive behaviour over your body. I’m sure there are a million and one other beautiful aspects about you to love and appreciate but he chose this.

[Els]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Him showing up at your house unannounced and being there when you got home.... and wanting to control what you wear.... he sounds very controlling.  A controlling boyfriend is not something you should tolerate.  Be very careful with this and please dump him if there are red flags in this relationship.

This. He's veering dangerously close to coercive control, IMO. I'd suggest you take a read through https://www.raq.org.au/blog/what-coercive-control and see if any of the other signs apply to you.

Quote

 

Controlling the body

It’s common for a controlling partner to not only want to control how their victim behaves, but also how they look. They might dictate what the victim can and can’t wear, what they eat and drink, how they groom and present themselves, and how often they exercise.

 

How long have you two been together? Did you give him the keys to your apartment and tell him that he should just come over whenever?

 

[Alpacalia]

She said he was upset. He didn't tell her she can't go without a bra. Before we refer to this man as trying to throw a burka on you, maybe he was concerned for your safety? She can be braless whenever she wants. I'm sure the fellas can handle it.. 

That said, I do think it's okay for him to be concerned about her going out without a bra. It's natural for him to want to protect her. It might be nice for him to communicate why he's upset. That way, she can understand his viewpoint and they both can come to a compromise. Now if he's telling you what to do and giving you the silent treatment with his anger, that's a totally different thing.

I think it really depends on the context and the level of comfort between you and your partner. If both of you are comfortable with you being braless in public and you two understand that it's not something that signifies any lack of respect or lack of care for your relationship, then it may be a bit of an unfair reaction.

Edited August 13, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Kassieee]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Would you care if he left the house without underwear and see-through pants? 

 The guys I date, sometimes you can see their buldge through their pants/joggers or see the outline. Even when I'm wearing a baggy shirt if I move a certain way you can see my nips...sometimes our natural bodies want to peek through and do things. No biggy.

OP should be able to put on shirt and go without grief.

Edited August 13, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[Gaeta]

We don't know if it's not ok for him to drop unannounced. My bf has my keys and he's welcome when ever,  what if it's the same for them, why jump on the negative wagon right away. 

Expressing to your gf you don't like she goes out braless is not control. He's expressing his boundaries. He did not make any demands, he's not forcing her, he's not giving her an ultimatum,  he only expressed he does not like it. 

Sounds like OP already knew he didn't like it, so her choice here is to respect her bf's boundaries or change boyfriend. 

[MsJayne]

In an age where women are allowed to wear whatever they choose he's way out of line, especially if it wasn't a see-through garment. Does he police anything else about you? While I agree that sometimes the way women dress can send the wrong message to sexist/misogynistic/predatory males who have the mindset of a primate, it's still an individual's prerogative how they dress. He's not upset about the bra-less issue, he's upset that you're potentially attracting the attention of other men, and that's controlling behaviour borne out of insecurity. It's also rude, condescending, sexist, disrespectful, and generally idiotic. If he carries on like this when he's only your BF, in your own home, you can pretty well guarantee that if you ever lived with this gronk you'd probably end up being assaulted for wearing too much lipstick to the store. I speak as a female who finds much of what I see on the internet, as far as woman displaying their wares, absolutely grotesque and a slap in the face for all the women who went before them fighting for equality and respect. But...it's their right to dress like an LA hooker if they want to. He over-reacted, he owes you an apology. 

[Lisa]

This thread has had a clean up.  All viewpoints are valid and we ask that members not get into debating each other.

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Natalie04 said:

I went to the store really quick to grab 2 things. I live at home 

What did your parents think of his behavior?  There's absolutely nothing wrong with running out to the store in comfortable clothes.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Ah Well, The Nipple Factor.  I can see why he would be upset.  That is inappropriate.  [ ] Just my opinion.  I have to go with your caring boyfriend on this One, hun.  I am not seeing I'm jealous.  More like protective.🥰

Edited August 13, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
victim blaming

[Alpacalia]

I go outside myself without it sometimes but not if it my nips are showing, I prefer to not have my nips peeping through. But that's just me. I'll save those for my honey. 

It really depends on your relationship and how you approach the situation. It sounds like your boyfriend was uncomfortable with your appearing at the store braless with your nipples showing, and may have felt embarrassed or like you were disregarding his feelings. 

Maybe if you provide more context.

Edited August 14, 2023 by Alpacalia